Easter is here and gone

i know that i shouldnt say this.. but i shall be honest. ahah. im glad easter is over. cuz got so many things back to back. and im really exhausted. this week i stayed over in my cousin's and delz's house. twice in a week. wow. cant believe it. aiyah. but all close friends. my mum will let. but i dont know why she doesnt let me stay in kim's or eden's house. weird huh. dont know la.

so anyway.. i had a tiring week. went out alot. gosh! haha.. i think i shall take this coming week off. maybe go and play badminton and then go for euginie's wedding rehearsal. then ok di la. dont want to go out so much di. im like so darn tired.

well, yesterday my youth had a easter party. had a full day in church. im really glad that it's over. the younger youth was acting and the older ones were singing. during our practices, our skit was really bad. we keep messing up and all. and i admit that i did most of the messing up. but on that day itself. when we had to act for real. woah! gosh! i was amazed that everything went sooooo well. and we did the bestest of all the practices. so it was great la! we were all really glad

and after that i went for gil's farewell party in ben's house. gosh! i miss my old school friend's so so much! i seriously miss their sillyness. haha. sigh.. what to do. like delz said...our common point was school. that's why we were so close. but soon we all went our own different paths, different ways in life. and it's really hurting la. i guess it doesnt hurt as much now cuz i gotten used to it. there's nothing much to do but face the facts that we wont be as close as last time

so anyway.. no more depressing talk. ahha. ehh.. but u gotta admit right that my blog is not as DEPRESSING as last time. hahaa

today i had a really long day too. my church had children church easter party. and gosh! the kids...... were like.... uncontrollable. they tire me out so much. gosh! haha. but it was fun la. seeing all the cute kids. we had coloring competition. so me and ginie had fun coloring too. ahaha. took a few pictures la. with the balloons and all. haha. we wanted to flood the ceiling with balloons. but i guess we couldnt cuz of the lights and all.

and after that i had family dinner. so i was practically out the whole day. so now... it's time for my bed time. hahaa.

movies

well.. i've never really posted bout the movies that i watch. but this time i must really warn u guys. do not.. i repeat DO NOT watch The Wild. the movie sucks to the max. seriously it was a waste of time. luckily i had shanice(junior & shana's cousin) beside me. she's SOOOOOOOO cuteee.. but during the beginning of the show she fell asleep. i mean of course la.. junior went and put her in a nice-to-sleep position. ish la him. gosh! ahha.. so anyway.. dont ever watch that movie. it's like u can find different parts of different cartoons in that show. ugh! wasted my money man.

it's better than madagascar. i mean in the sense of the animation. it's like nice and all.. the animals in there look like soft toys. but the movie was damn boring!!!

i totally recommend watching Ice Age 2! the movie is funny, enjoyable, and did i mention..... FUNNY!!! haha i couldnt stop laughing throughout the whole movie. my friend was like complaining that im laughing too much. after the movie he was like aww mann. i could hear u laugh throughout the whole show. but what to do. i couldnt stop laughing. now now...if i say the movie is nice...dont go and watch with high expectation. cuz then the movie would be darn boring cuz u went with high expectations. silly thing to do...if u gonna do that la. ahha..

my very 1st bridal shower

well, i organised my very 1st bridal shower. actually..honestly.. most of it was done by ashley. cuz i seriously dont know what the heck to do and plan. hahaa. so she did most of the organising and planning. and i did...hmmm..mostly the calling, inviting, reminding ppl bout the bridal shower. ahaha. at first i wasnt stressed bout the bridal shower. i thought that it'll be like a normal day. but as the day turned nearer... well.. emmm.. it wasnt that nice. i was quite stressed cuz i didnt know what to do and i didnt know what to plan. i felt like i didnt plan anything at all for the bridal shower. and the day was approaching. like really really fast. and i was like goshhH!!! i should keep track of my time more man

but the thing went quite well.. elaine reminded me that the bridal shower should be something relaxing and fun. and mannnn! i totally forgot bout the relaxing and fun part. i was so caught up with the plans and all.. that i left the MOST important part out. and that is to have fun and enjoy the moment with close girl friends. so after that.. i just let go of everything and just spend great fellowship with my friends.

i learnt alot of things during the bridal shower.. like i dont marry the guy's family also. i just marry the guy. haha.. i always thought that we(girls) would "marry the guy's family too". and all of them was so shocked when they heard that i thought that way. haha. but it was a great time of fellowship. would give anything in the world to just sit around with the church ladies and woman to talk bout future relationships and marriage. ahha.

it was a really tiring day. on monday night i slept over andrew's house... finally i bought my bridesmaid dress.. i dont know why but i think that the dress is not very formal. so anyway, i slept around 12 something. but i couldnt sleep properly. i kept waking up for no apparent reason. so anyway.. i woke up at like 7.30. got ready and eat breakfast and off we (me, delz, edward, and andrew) went. we went to check out MBS in rawang. emmm... seriously and honestly... ill never go to that place. haha.

then after that we went to beow lian's(cant remember how to spell her name) and we ate really yummy and spicy food. then we went home cuz it was delz's mama's bday. so i went back to andrew's house. rest abit. then we went to midvalley to get stuff for tonight. we shopped till around 5 something. then we had to rush back cuz he has the stag night and i had the bridal shower to go to. so we rushed back. and the guys was early and the girls was late. sigh. now i know how it feels when i arrive at a party late.

so i guess all in all.. even though i didnt do much and plan much for it... i enjoyed it. was really good.. learnt loads of stuff. hahaa.

someone made my day and i drove today!

haha.. today.. actually, this whole week. i had fun. didnt do much work. talked and played around most of the time. cuz it's my teacher's last day. so mostly we like took pictures and all.. what a nice time eh. since this week was the week after the holidays. so we wont be doing much work anyway.

so today we had a fun, playing day. talked around most of the time. then around 12 something we had our lunch at the field opposite my school. we thought it would be quite hot...but thank God it was cloudy and windy. so we had a blast. then after that most of us stayed behind and played with ice. cuz they bought ice for the drinks. then suddenly everyone was like throwing ice, putting it in ppl's shirt. we had ice fight.

in the beginning of the week we had cake fight. then at the end of the week we had ice fight. how nice. haha. we were playing so much and of course taking loads of pictures. there was once my teacher gave me the camera to take pictures. and when i gave it back to her.. she was like why all only ur pictures one??? hahaa.. then i was like of course. that's the result of giving the camera to esther. hahaha. lol. so anyway, i hope and pray that my teacher will have a fun time studying education for special ppl in aussieland. hmmm, wonder why everyone is going to aussieland all of a sudden. weird huh.

ohh ohh.. i drove today! i went to the mcd's drive-thru. i was really scared at first. cuz i keep having this image that something or some weird accident might happen. but thank God. He protected me. so i was quite proud of myself la. haha.. that i manage to drive. i thought i wont be able to drive for like... forever. but today i manage to drive. my bro wanted fries then i was also craving for it. then he gave me money then i was like what? u want me to drive? then he was like it's just the small car.. then i was like ok laa.. BREATHE IN AIR to calm myself down. then i went off. hahaa.

when i went there. i ordered. then the guy who gave the fries said something.. then i was like what? excuse me? then he mumbled something. i think he's not from here. or doesnt know how to speak english properly. so i was like what? then he slowly said. u got a very sweet face. i straight away BLUSHED and said thank u and smiled and drove off.. haha.. so weird huh. but oh wells. haha.

my first accident

sighhh.. i never thought or expected that ill get into an accident. and it was a damn scary one. i could always replay it again and again in my mind. sigh.

well, today was a normal happy day. went to school.. celebrated a belated birthday for 2 of my friends. cuz adam(one of the bday boy) was sick on his bday. so we had to do it today. so we had fun eating cake, singing bday song. then suddenly ming zen came and wanted to give adam a piece of cake. but he smashed it at his face. so the cake fight began. haha. everyone had cake on their shirts, face, hair... everywhere. lol. so we enjoyed ourselves even though later we all smelled so gross. we smelt like puke. cuz it was a cheese cake. haha. took alot of pictures cuz the seniors teacher is gonna leave soon for aussieland.

then usually on tuesdays we play badminton.. so i went home. quickly change and went to the taman megah court. and nicholas was asking us not to be late. and guess what.. they were the late ones. ish ish. at least i had li ann's sisters(grace and joyce) to talk to. cuz the grace school goes there every tuesday too. so anyway, then it was 5.30 and my dad told me to fetch wing lian at that time. cuz his classes ends at that time. but wing lian said 6 something. so i didnt know which is which la. so around 5.35.. i checked my phone. and i had like 11 missed calls. and then when i called my bro. he was like scolding me, asking me where am i, why i didnt look at the time, why am i late, and to quickly go and fetch him now.

so i rushed out of the court. drove out of the compound and accidently took the wrong turn. i usually take the right turn cuz it's easier and i feel it's nearer to reach kdu la. but i dont know why i took the left turn. so i was like aiya! why did i turn left. and then i saw there was no cars behind me. and i double check just in case. then i was soooo smart.. i attempted a u-turn at a double-white line. then suddenly.. out of no where. this motorcycle came in front of me and bang-bang-boom. i hit him. and i was so shocked and scared. i quickly made the u-turn cuz..

1. i was in the middle of the road. if i stopped there, cars might come and bang me.
2. i was shocked! i didnt know what the heck to do.

so let me continue. i made the u-turn but i went over his bike. so maybe that's why it costs A TON to fix it. then as i was u-turning....this thought came in my mind. just drive away. and dont care.. buttt... sighhh.. this other malay on the motor saw and was shouting at me from the badminton court compound. so i had to make another u-turn back to where i came from. and park at the parking spaces at the side. and then i was so scared. shaking from head to toe. i went down and then there were like alot of motorcyclists stopping and helping that guy.

then there was this chinese uncle and aunty who stopped and talked to me. and asked me to stay calm. asked me to call my friends and all.. but the aunty was really nice.(hmmm. guess not all malaysians are THAT bad) she was trying to calm me down. telling me that it's ok. that accidents do happen and all. she was talking and talking and talking. but the way she talk was really funny la. sigh. so i called my bro and my dad and told my bro i met an accident.. so said he'll come.. then i called jer mayn to tell her and the guys that i met an accident. so they quickly came out and see.

so then they came out. then the uncle and aunty left cuz they saw that i had friends di. so the rest left to continue their badminton game while junior stayed with me. sigh. i wish i could be one of them. being able to just walk away cuz nothing happened to them. sigh. but...i couldnt. i couldnt accept the fact that the accident really happened. i was still in shock. then my bro came with his friend. then his friend was like talking and trying to settle things with the guy and his friend. then only it hit me that it actually really happened.. so i couldnt stop crying. i was so scared. didnt know what to do. scared of my father, my mum and also scared that the guy might be seriously injured.

so then we drove to the mechanic shop near-by to find out how much did the damage cost. and oh my gosh! i didnt know it would be so expensive to repair a cacated bike. ish. then wait for my mum to come and talk to the guy. so then my mum went with the indian guys to go to the clinic while me and my bro went back home. sigh. i was so scared to even sit in a car. i dont know whether ill be able to drive next time. i think i shall abstain from driving for a while. sigh.

but i just wanna thank God la.. that the damage on the car wasnt THAT bad. but i think it'll be costly to fix even the smallest thing on the car. and thank God that nothing happened to me. i think only mentally hurt.

*strong enough*

as i rest against the cold, hard wall
will u pass me by?
will u criticize me as i sit and cry?
i had fought so hard and thought that all my battles has been won
only to find that the war has just begun

is He not strong enough?
is He not pure enough?
to break me, pour me out, and start again
is He not brave enough?
to take one chance with me
please can i have one chance to start again?

will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime?
is there anyway to be made whole again?
if im healed, renewed, and find forgiveness, find the strength i have never had
will my scars forever ruined God's plan?

He took my life into His hands and He turned it all around
in my most desperate circumstance
it's there i've finally found

that You are strong enough
that You are pure enough
to break me, pour me out and start again
that You are brave enough
to take one chance on me
oh thank You for my chance to start again

*nice song with nice meaning eh?*

a day in sungai wang

today me, delz, and lay yan (and later joined by mich cuz she has school) went to sungai wang for shopping purposes. ahhaa. me and delz took the free bus from ikano to the kelana jaya lrt station, then from there we met with lay yan who took the day off to go shopping with us. then we stopped at kl central and then walked over to the monorail and sat till bukit bintang. and i gotta admit that it was quite fun. lol. my friend asked me why of all places i chose to go to sungai wang to go bridemaid dress shopping. haha. but cuz i heard there were quite nice things to buy there.

so anyway.. we were walking till our legs hurt. like what lay yan said "her legs was bout to fall off" hahaha. we were laughing so much and making a fool of ourselves. then when we were in one shop. we were laughing and making so much noise that the lady came and ask us whether we are ok. then when we left the shop, she looked really pissed. haha. as usual la. i mean tell me one time where we're not doing that. emmm. i think i can. during church service. ahaha. cuz we can never do that. so anyway, we bought a few stuffs. but lay yan couldnt find what she went there for. hmm, nevermind. there is more shopping trips to come. hahaa.

i had a really great day today but the worse part was that i had my gastric again. sigh. this is like so saddening. aih. but this time we ate a little later only mar. sigh. so i really hope that this stupid gastric thingy will end. anyway, i think i gotta get started with my testimonial for my discipleship class. shucks la. this is bad. i totally forgot bout it. when we were given that assignment, i kept telling myself that i should start writing. and now.. sighh.. tmr is our deadline. sigh.

a day in tropicana

hmmm.. today i had a blast! really! i thought i wouldnt in the beginning. but at the end of the day, i didnt regret going for it. though i like used 40km worth of petrol. but it was worth it la. hehe. well, i went to tropicana around 10 something. met up with joy and shana. but the rest wasnt there yet. so we sat around...guess where.. the only place that has aircond was in the changing room. haha. so we sat at the benches there. then around like 15-20 mins, the VERY LATE ppl came. haha. we were suppose to meet there at like 10 man. and there i was thinking that i was late. hhaa. so i rushed all the way there. sheesh. ahaha. so then we met at the badminton court. played a few games. haha. i think i got used to playing badminton. so my hand didnt ache. it has been a really long time since i played badminton. so around feb the guys started going every week for badminton. so a few of the girls joined them la. at that time, after i play, my hand will ache for a week. so like i normally play on tuesday. till the next tuesday my hand will be healed. but then i played again. so it takes another week to heal again. and it went on and on. but this time. i played on tuesday, then it didnt hurt that much la. then today i manage to play again. i was like woah! amazed. and i got to beat julian man. can u believe it? hahaha.

so after a while...shana and joy went to swim cuz they didnt feel comfy with the guys around. so the rest of us stayed on to play badminton. then around 1 something we all decided to go swim. but shana and joy lost their locker keys and my slippers was in their locker.. so i couldnt join them. so me and carolyn waited till they could get us the extra key. then after what seemed hours, we finally got the key which cost them 20 bucks for losing it. haha. so we forced the guys to go and change while the girls stayed on so that i could go and have a swim. cuz i didnt bring swimsuit and i was wearing white. so we played and played then finally we all were so hungry and it was getting late. so we all decided to go and bath(the toilet was really nice!!! and we made so much noise.. as usual) and change to go for lunch/dinner. ahha.

we went to the palm something something. cant remember what it was called. i went there the last time for josh's and joey's bday dinner. and gosh the ppl there are so rude. the patrons asked the waitor to tell us to keep quiet. can u believe it? so as usual.. we didnt give a damn. haha. so anyway.. continue bout my fun day in tropicana. emmm, a few of them got sunburn.. joy was the worst. i wasnt that bad. had rosy cheeks only. and then we laughed and laughed till our stomachs hurt. we didnt want to go home cuz it was really fun but it was getting late. so we reluctantly leave. i think the ppl there are glad to see us leave. alot of ppl was like looking at us. like we were bunch of hyenas. so anyway, by the time i got home. it was around 6.45-7. and i had gastric after that cuz i didnt eat the whole day till around 4 something. and i was out at the sun so much that my rashes from sports day came back out. sigh. at least it wasnt as bad la. it really felt like we were on a holiday or something. it was really nice. hope we could do that again one day.

cont.

so that's the first day of my hot& sunny day. the second day was my sports day yesterday. i went there with sean and justin. was really tired to even remember the directions. so thank God i didnt drive. if not ill probably get lost like elaine. heheh. the complex wasnt THAT nice. we went to matsushita sports complex. it has a swimming pool, indoor arena(which has badminton, table tennis, and basketball), and the tracks, with a big football field in the middle of it. with the sub field and netball field towards the end of the complex. they said that it's gonna be a big thing. kind of like a carnival, with 20 over stalls and 300 over ppl coming. hahahahahah!!! yeah right man!!!! plsss.. the ppl who came didnt even fill the whole stadium seats man. sheesh. and there was like a really small place for stalls.. actually, it wasnt really stalls. it was like just a small corner for food and small corner for drinks. really really cacat. and all the programs was like happening together. it really sucked. everyone should be at the same place at the same time man. idiots. the medal&trophy awards should be given out when everyone is there at the end of the day. but they didnt. silly ppl. and we werent really familiar with the place in the beginning so we practically got lost a few times. but in the end, we manage to get familiar with the place la.

so first we had to gather out at the tracks according to schools or groups that u went there with to sing the negaraku and stuff. was super hot. and they made us stand out there for like forever. but at least i had junior and julian to entertain me. hahaha. so anyway, after that we had the dance thing which my friends like practiced after school. was really nice cuz my friend adam watched the video clip and learned all the steps from it and thought the others. was really cool la. hahaha. then after that me and audrey had to help ezra with the telematch. mostly with all the little kids and all. and we had to stand in the sun.. so i think i got darker.. ishh ishh.

after the telematch, we went to play badminton for a little while. i played with zane, carol, joy, julian, and ian. was really fun la. and me and joy was like laughing and laughing like crazy. ahahah. then we got tired and the running thingy was starting. so me and joy went out to support shana. and yay! we won all the race. the guys and the girls. then after supporting them, me and joy went to get some food and drinks. we were really really hungry. so whatever we saw, we just buy. haha. but the food really sucked. no matter how hungry we were, we just couldnt down the food. it was THAT horrible. so after eating, we went to the indoor arena to watch the badminton and basketball tournament. the basketball tournament was the best. we, the girls, was like shouting and shouting everytime our team scored. haha. so when the basketball wasnt on, we continued playing badminton. and guess what?? our school got to the finals for basketball, so we continued to cheer our players on. we were soooo loud that sometimes the referee for the badminton turned and asked us to quieten down. ahhaha. but we were softer only for a while. the basketball game was the last to end, so we got the whole arena to ourselves. so we couldnt stand it. we couldnt contain our excitement inside. so we got up and jump up and down and cheering and shouting for our team. we were like the loudest and the most supporting group. haha. so in the end, we won the basketball game tooo!!!! woooohooooo!!! i didnt regret going for the sports day.

but throughout the whole time, i had rashes. i had it on my neck, my legs, and my hand. but when i went home and check. i had it all over my back, and half in front. it was really bad. until now my rashes on my legs hasnt go yet. cuz i think i scratch it the most. and im still itching. haha. but it was worth it la. for this crazy sports day. had a blast! hahaha. so my school won for the netball, race 4X100 m(girls and guys), basketball.. im not so sure bout the others. ahha. but i know we won alot of medals. =)

2 days in the sun

i've been busy this few days. i kinda lost track of time. i didnt know it was sunday dii.. yesterday night i was wondering what day is today. then when i found out, i was shocked. so let's see what i've done so far..

on friday i didnt have school. went to school for a while... talked and crap around. then went to 1u for lunch. throughout the whole week, we were deciding whether we should eat pizza or chili's. almost like half of the ppl going chose chili's but my teacher said that we should watch some of the ppl's wallet cuz not many ppl can afford. then we were debating bout it saying that we can share and all.. since the portions are big esp. for the girls. but in the end, the teacher's settled with pizza. but thank God.. when we arrived there, pizza was quite pack. so to fit about 20 over ppl there would be quite a challenge. so we decided to go to chili's and whoa! dang! we were happy man! ahhaha.

so after lunch. i rushed back home to get ready for dax&evelyn's wedding in pd. super cool eh. haha. it was really hot seriously. but the place was nice la. really really nice. great place to take pictures. haha. but too bad my picture taking buddy(justina) isnt here. aihsss. so anyway, it was really really hot. so the ceremony and dinner was on the beach. it was really nice la...if it's overseas. it's not nice with our hot weather. we had kites as a door gift. so after the wonderful and hot ceremony, photo taking session, and the throwing bouquet thingy, some of the kids and not to forget the adults...hehe...went to play with the sand and kites. was really fun cuz i only got to play kite like once and that was like a long time ago. oh yeah. i got the bouquet. was super funny. when evelyn threw the flower. all the girls like parted like the red sea. hahaha. the flower fell between me and eva. but eva like moved really far away from it. so in the end, the bouquet went to none other than me. i was like noooooo!!!! hahaha.. but i had to take it. so was really embarrassed. the dinner was so-so. not to complain bout the food. but let's just say the dishes wasnt really my cup of tea. hahah. i got to steal some yummy food from my dad though. ate some pretty good desserts too.

2nd attempt

well, today was a 2nd attempt for dress-shopping. or should i say hunting. ahaha. me and ginie was walking around 1u till we got really tired. back pain, leg pain...everywhere pain la. ahhaa. and guess what??? we finally settled on a long skirt that we saw the last time we went dress-hunting. can u believe it? horrible right. ughhh. well, at least we manage to find a skirt. now all that's left is a top. so hopefully the next time we go, we'll be able to find the top to match it with. what to do. im so fat. cant fit in some nice clothes. sighhhhh. feel like chopping all my fats out. damn sad case wei. aihhhh. so i hope that on our third attempt, we'll be able to find the top to match the skirt.

i feel really sad that only slim or skinny ppl look good in any clothes they wear. but fat ppl, whatever they wear right. looks horrible. im not mocking those fat ppl around the world. im just exasperated of myself. ughhhh! want to die diii!! sighhhh. damn sad case la.. aihhh.. dont want to think bout it di la. but at least going dress-shopping gave me an opportunity to catch up with ginie. i told her some good news today during dinner time. she was really happy bout it. hahaha. been a really long time since i've sat down and talk to her and update her with my life. we used to be able to do this pretty often but we both got busy with our own lifes. so wasnt able to catch up as often. so maybe not being able to find the desired dress/bridesmaid clothes had a purpose. is to help me and ginie catch up on past and present things. hehe.

so anyway, i think i better go and do some work. havent been doing my work for weeks man. been really really R-E-A-L-L-Y lazy! oh my gosh! this is bad. i should be doing a pac test a week. but i havent even finish my LA. ok ok. i better go do some work now. shall update my blog soon. hehe =)

*follow*

i was listening to this song when i was driving to school. it really meant alot to me. esp. the verse. it really touched me la. and reminded me that no matter where i run and hide, God is still there for me. He's great and mighty and awesome.


where can i hide
where Your love cannot reach me
where can i go
where Your arms, They're not here for me
where can i run to
where i cannot feel Your love

cuz Jesus Your love rescued me
so ill follow after You

wherever You take me
im following You
im gonna follow You
in everything i say, in everything i do
im gonna follow You
in every step i take, i know that You're with me
im taking up my cross, im following You
im gonna follow You

everything that i live for,
ill follow after You
everyday of my life Lord,
ill follow after You

days passing so fast!

woah! i cant believe it!!! tmr is friday di mannn.. too fast tooo fast. in a blink of an eye, it's the end of the week. well, i have like 3 more books to do. cant wait to finish them. and guess what. im so smart that i left the hardest subject last. aww man. i really need God's wisdom. cuz i really hate english. u might ask why do i hate english when it's like the easiest subject in the world. well, i used to love english.. back in primary school. back in gov school. but in homeschooling. our english is really hard. at lvl 10, ur already studying what college students are studying. soooo... that's why i really hate english. i kind of like science now but too bad. i finished my last book today. it's really nice cuz it's all calculations.

so anyway, today i went bridesmaid dress hunting with ginie in midvalley(my cousin's soon-to-be wife) and emmm.. it was really unsuccessful. seriously. it was really bad. ugghhhh!!! whenever u dont want something, it's always there. but when u want something, it seems to be missing. seriously hate it when that happens. so whenever i go shopping, i always tell myself that i dont wanna get anything. hoping that ill get something when i reach there. haha. cuz it's really frustrating. so we'll have to go another time to 1u. i really hope that i get to find something. cuz if not we'll have to tailormake. and from our past experience, we really dont want to go to that stage. ahahha. but the best part of today was that we got to eat 'ngau lam mee'. aww mann!!! it was soooo delicioussss!!!!! yummy!!!! *slurp* just the thought of it makes me want to eat again. ahhaha. so anyway, it's late and i have class tmr. i guess i better turn in now. =)

mixed feelings

as for some of u know.. i've been teaching in my school since thursday last week. well, last week was quite fun. cuz most of the time i was talking with the kids and was laughing around with them. but the main teacher there was telling me not to be so close to them. cuz if not it's very hard to control them. soooo... this week gotta be a little strict with them. but it's really hard la.. then i had to teach this kid that has learning disabilities. it's like he can do maths, but when he looks at words. he's mind like suddenly stops. hmmmm, maybe i can relate to that. haha. cuz it happened to me most of the time. i mean last time la. not now. now it's mostly laziness that's stopping me from studying....so anyway. yeah, that's what i've been doing in school.

and i've been asking God for strength this few days. been facing some difficult situations. dont really want to talk bout it here. as long as i know and God knows. then it's ok. maybe i have to share it with delz one day. aiks. did i say maybe. i think i should let her know. hehe. so anyway, i better get back to studying right now. it's quite late di. =)

awesome God!

hmmm.. i havent been updating my blog recently. sooooo.. have a few things to say. hehe. here goes..... =)

well, from all my old posts, some of u will know that im very depressed bout some guy. let me rephrase that. HAVE BEEN...depressed bout some guy. but i can finally say that God healed me from my broken past & wounded heart. i know i know. u might say, "bahhhsss!!! she says that all the time. then the next thing u know...she'll be back down the depression lane." but but... let me finish. now im 100%...ok ok.. not really 100% but like 85.5% better already. im feeling so much joy than i have ever felt since last year. but i cant say that i've wasted the whole of last year fretting bout the same guy(who *holds up pointer finger* by now...is nothing more than a friend and a past...but who knows what the future may bring ehh.. ok ok) i really wanna thank God for teaching me perseverance. how to be strong and all. of course i didnt do it alone. i did it with my God-given friends and family and of course GOD! who could have ever done it without Him!

now, i cant say that i dont think bout our past anymore. but all that's left is the sweet memory. i no longer fret bout it but i thank God for at least giving me a chance to be with him for a while. it certainly made me be a little more matured. emmm, i think so la. hahaa. anyway, i no longer sit and mop around(not mopping the floor..but being sad and all) but i can concentrate my attention on things that are more important in my life.

oh oh.. and i have a prayer request. my family is going through some financial problem now. i cant find the courage to face the facts....but yess.. we are facing some financial problem. so pls pray for my family. thanks!

and for my studies u might ask... im currently in a dilemma. not over which courses to choose or which college.. my mum has practically chose them for me. maybe cuz she's fed up of me not knowing what to do. i dont know. so im gonna do a foundation first since i dont know what i wanna do. and ill be 100% in kdu. i have no say whatsoever in which college i can attend. cuz she said in kdu can have sibling discount and blablabla.(practically shut my ear once i heard i cant choose...ok..maybe that's a bad thing to do...but that's the truth =) )

so anyway.. back to my dilemma. emmmm, as i mentioned just now bout my family's financial problem.. well, this morning my dad was complaining and complaining bout the increase of petrol money and blablabla. so it got me thinking bout my studies. as some of u know, im SERIOUSLY not into studying. u might say, "who's into studying anyway.." but im really ANTI-STUDYING!!!! hahaa.. and since im on the anti-studying program...so it'll be a waste of money when i go and study. and i talked to my teacher...she said i can work in school like starting next month(which is tmr...cant wait!) to pay off my school fees. and i thought that's not a bad idea. maybe i can stay there permanently and teach and never ever go to college. hahaha. since my mum wanted me to teach in a montessory. so why dont i just work in my school.. isnt that the same? sooooo...i dont know what im gonna do. maybe ill talk to my mum bout this. but im pretty sure that ill end up in college.. i dont know why. ahhaa. just have the feeling u know. haha

*im Yours*

oh Lord
when i think of all You've done
my heart sings of Your love
that saved my soul
and made me whole
my life is Yours

cause You paid the price
i give You my life, im Yours

so no matter what the cost
i will go for You
no matter what it takes, im Yours
because You paid the price at Calvary
i give You my whole life, im Yours

oh Lord
my everything to You i lift
my heart and soul i live
for You alone
im not my own
my life is Yours

im Yours
Jesus im Yours

aw man

sigh.. i dont mean to be sad. and i dont mean to write yet another sad and depressed post. but i cant help but feel that way now. i kept getting reminded that tmr is valentine's day. i mean what the heck la. i know how to keep track of the days. and stop rubbing it in my face that i dont have a "special partner" to share it with. i really do hope that i could answer YESSS!!!! I HAVE A SPECIAL SOMEONE TO SHARE TMR WITHHHH!!!! but i've gotta face the truth. that tmr is gonna be like any other day. doing my usual stuffs.

i cant help but go back in time. when i had someone to share the "lovey-dovey day" with. i cant help but think that tmr everyone will have a nice and romantic time with their partners while ill be home, dreading the minutes that passes by. im not saying that i want to spend all my money on the day where every price goes way up. and im not saying that im complaining bout what im going through. and im not saying that im still stuck in the i-cant-let-go moment. im totally through with that. im so done of wishing he will come back to me again.

so after all is said and done....why do i still feel like s**t??!! why do i feel as crappy as before? isit because i have no one other than myself to spend tmr with? isit because i have no life?

im sorry if u feel depressed after reading this. but i cant help it. i really needed to say what my heart wants me to say. i just needed to let it all out. hehe =) now i feel a little better

*u will never walk alone*

along life's road
there will be sunshine and rain
roses and thorns, laughter and pain
and cross the miles
u will face mountains so steep
deserts so long and valleys so deep

sometimes the journey's gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want u to remember
i want u to know

u will never walk alone
as long as u have faith
Jesus will be right beside u all the way
and u maybe feel that ur far from home
but home is where He is
He'll be there down every road
u will never walk alone

the path will wind
u will find wonders and fears
labors of love and a few falling tears
across the years
there will be some twist and turns
mistakes to make and lessons to learn

sometimes the journey's gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want u to remember
wherever u may go

u will never walk alone
as long as u have faith
Jesus will be right beside u all the way
and u may feel ur far from home
but home is where He is
He'll be there down every road
u will never walk alone

Jesus knows ur joy
Jesus knows ur need
He will go the distance with u faithfully

the girl's caregroup sang this song last time for passion&fire. and this song has really touched me. really reminded me once again that God wont let us walk alone. it's only cuz we choose to neglect Him that's why we feel like we're all alone. and also that we choose to do things by ourselves and not let God control things and situations that's why we feel like God is never there.

depressed meh? hahaa

my blog very depressing meh??? where gott!!! but but... i write happy stuffs too. i dont ALWAYS write sad stuff.. hahaha. awww man... it's not depressing laaa.. hhahaa..

last night we had dinner for just. cuz she's gonna go back soon! *sob sob* =( we went to chilli's 1u. me, mich, lay yan, yian, cia, and just. it was a really fun time! as usual we made tons of noise, laugh and crap bout silly things. we were sooo hungry that when the food came. we ate like barbarians man. ahhaha.

we took loads of pictures. so when i get it i shall post it here la. too bad we dont have pictures of the food cuz we ate the food too fast. hahaha. when we were done with the food...then yian was like... we should have taken pictures of the food la!!! hahaha. but too bad. all that was left was like bits and pieces of food and bones. ahhaha. but the service there is really bad. ish ish.

we were laughing so much...i think the next time when we go there.. they will probably want to shoo us away. ahhaa. we laughed and laughed and talk soooo loudly. and as usual. mich was always the brave one. calling the waitor or waitress. sneezing loudly. talking loudly. moving all around the restaurant. ahhaha. but whatever she did made the night more.... emmmmm... exciting? hahahaha. lol. but we had a great night la. and after the dinner we went back to just's house cuz mich composed a song for justina. aww mannn.. really want to cry diii...

JUSTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY DEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT GO BACK TO AUSSIELAND!!!! when i saw her bag like full of clothes, i really wanted to take it all out and unpack for her. dont want her to go back!!! dont go back!!!! no no no!!!! *sob sob* *tear*

keys to my heart

i was quite bored. so i decided to do this survey. hehe..

u are attracted to those who have split personality - cold as ice on the outside and hot as fire on the outside.. (emm..not really. haha.)

in love, u feel the most alive when ur partner is patient and never willing to give up on u

u'd like ur lover to think u are loyal and faithful... that u'll never change... ( but im like that mar.. hehehe)

u would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance

ur ideal relationship is comforting. u crave a relationship where u feel warmth and love

ur risk of cheating is zero. u care bout society and immorality. u would never break a commitment

u think of marriage as something precious. u'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

in this moment, u think of love as commitment. love only works when 2 ppl are devoted.

*dont forget bout us*

dont baby, dont baby, dont let it go
no baby, no baby, no baby no
dont baby, dont baby, dont let it go
my baby boy

just let it die
with no goodbyes
details dont matter
we both paid the price
tears in my eyes
u know sometimes
i'd be like that baby

now everytime i see u
i pretend im fine
when i wanna reach out to u
but i turn i walk and i let it ride
baby i must confess
we were bigger than anything
remember us at our best
and dont forget bout

late nights, playing in the dark
and waking up inside my arms
boy, u'll always be in my heart and
i can see it in ur eyes
u still want it
so dont forget bout us

im just speaking from experience
nothing can compare to ur first true love
so i hope this will remind u
when it's for real, it's forever
so dont forget bout us

oh they say
that ur in a new relationship
but we both know
nothing comes close to
what we had, it perseveres
that we both cant forget it
how good we used to get it

there's only one me and u
and how we used to shine
no matter what u go through
we are one, that's a fact
that u cant deny
so baby we cant just let
the fire pass us by
forever we'd both regret
so dont forget bout

and if she's got ur head all messed up now
that's the trickery
she'll wanna have like u know how this loving should be
i bet she cant do like me
she'll never be EK

a moment of sadness

just came back from sending natalie off. me, kim, and jie. the atmosphere it the car was really funny. we were like laughing and crapping all the way. we wanted to surprise nat...so we told her that we couldnt make it due to some circumstances. and she was so devastated. like really really sad and all..tears was at the verge of breaking out.

so we said our goodbyes through the phone. wishing each other well. saying we'll miss each other cuz there wont be times where we can simply call each other and just talk bout anything under the sun. or times where we call each other and ask each other to go out. but we left late to the airport. so we were pretty scared that she would board the plane. so we had to call her to tell her the truth. haha. and she couldnt believe her ears.

so as we bid her goodbye, tears were unstoppable. though this is not her first time leaving...she came back for hols...but we didnt get to send her off the first time. therefore, we went today. it was really sad. and she couldnt pass through u know the place where u have to put ur passport there. she went like to 2 different places to go in. haha. i really wanted to laugh but the sadness got the better of me and kim.

it really felt weird. cuz i couldnt believe what's happening before me. like saying goodbye to her. seeing her going down the escalator. and not to forget... seeing her carry 3 heavy bags. seeing her wave before she walks in. it was really surreal. i couldnt believe my eyes.

after that..as we got into the car..the atmosphere was really gloomy. we didnt have mood to laugh and didnt have the mood to crap. we started to think bout next time where slowly one by one of our gang will leave overseas. going to different parts of the world. going to different colleges and unis. pursuing different dreams. i mean now it's already happening. nat and shin thong left di. soon it'll be kim. soon it'll be i dont know who. dont even want to think anymore. it'll be too sad. imagine how many times we have to go to the airport to see like 20 over ppl off. it'll be like 20 over times man. devastating. sigh

do unto others what u want them to do unto u

sometimes i wonder whether this verse really means anything.
sometimes i wonder why it doesnt happen to me
or maybe i dont notice it
do i expect too much from my friends?
do i expect them to care bout me like the way i care bout them?
i dont mean to be perasan.
and i dont mean to say that this happens everytime
and i dont mean i dont do bad things to my friends
i dont mean to say im perfect
i guess im putting too high an expectation on some of my friends
especially my close friends

why didnt that person call when i asked her to...to say whether she's going to a friend's house?
why did i have to call? and to find out that she's already there
why did i have to think so much?
and add on my uncertainties

i hate wondering
i hate thinking too much
i hate myself for being a little too sensitive sometimes.
i hate worrying

mahjong night!

i used to watch chinese movies and wonder what's so nice bout playing mahjong. but during one day last year...i've learned the art of mahjong. and gosh! nothing could stop me from playing it everyday. even when my school started, once i get back home, ill receive calls asking me to play mahjong. and we'll play and play everyday. and we never got sick of it. till after a few months. then we kinda got sick of it. the fire slowly died down. hahaa. and that was also when nat & shin thong had to leave for new zealand. though we still had the itch to play, it didnt get the best of us. haha.

so on wednesday night.. i went to play mahjong in nat's house. with jeremy, alicia, clarence, and joey. woah! it's been a long long long LONG LONG time since i've seen them.. i think joey not that long la.. but the rest was the longest. i think since last year. hahaa. when we all were super crazy over mahjong. dont get me wrong. im not saying that im not crazy over mahjong anymore. i still am. but only when i dont lose anything. ahahahaha!! so anyway, i finally manage to cure my itch from mahjong. long long time since i've played cuz my mahjong kaki's is either overseas or busy.

oh gosh! the worse part was i lost so much to clarence. once i had less a tile. dont know what it's called in chinese. ahhaa. and most of the time i threw out a tile that clarence needs. and that's like in the beginning of the game man!!! hahaha. seriously wanted to kill myself! ughhh! hahaha. but at least i manage to win some money back. lol. but in the end of the night, or should i say morning, i had rm1.50 left. i won it during the last game from alicia. can u believe it????? can u believe it????? seriously.. kill me. hahaha. i think ill still want to play mahjong. but ill only play with money when im really good at it. hahaha. scared of it diii.

im back from my trip!

im back! finally back! i've been gone for 3 days for a family trip in lumut. it was super super hot!!!! so was kinda glad staying in the room. but wasnt glad cuz didnt get to walk around and take pictures. not much pictures. the only pictures taken with me in it was the family pic. that's all. sighhhh. very saddening. and we cant go to pangkor cuz it was like human traffic. and the resort that we're staying in doesnt have a proper beach. they are like building man-made beach. soooooo.. it's not very niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! ughhh!! so the 2 nights we spent playing rummibikin or something like that.. some tiles with number game(super addicting&need loads of brains), monopoly, and watching movies. the first night we played monopoly and after that we watched longest yard. then the second night we had monopoly only. the rummibikin game... hehe. as mentioned before. it's VERY addicting. so we played every spare time we had. it was really really cool! but u cant play if ur tired or lazy to think cuz it requires alot of thinking. hehe.

so that's mostly what happened during the family trip. nothing much. it wasnt that fun la. i think this is the most boring family trip ever. no nice place to walk around. no photo taking. no swimming cuz the swimming pool was a, as my uncles&aunties call it, "washing machine" hahaha. didnt intend on swimming anyway. wanted to snorkel but as i mentioned.. it was like a human traffic going into pangkor. but im really happy to be back home. can sleep nicely and have a nice toilet. eventhough the toilet there is quite clean. but who would trade their own toilet for another ehh. ehhehe.

super hot weather!

ohh gosh!! the weather is sooo hottttt!!!! ughhhh!!! feel darn irritated man! oh yeahh.. i know that my last post was abit too much. esp. after reading a book where one sentence made me think. "why are we surprised when sinners sin." i guess i cant blame it all on the guys. i guess it's not their fault that they cant control themselves huh. cuz we are all sinners.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

i dont understand.. why is there such a discrimination between girls and guys? isit unladylike to go out at night? i dont even want to say "LATE" at night. cuz there's abit of difference there. why cant girls do whatever guys get to do. like go for trips or at least places at night without worrying whether we'll get raped the next second or get kidnapped or whatever. if it's not cuz of the man(now now.. im not saying EVERY man is like that) now a days who are unable to control their urges and desires. we girls, would be able to go out at anytime we want.

i find it so irritating.. so frustrating.. so geram-ted.. cuz i dont get to go out anytime i want. and wherever i want. i dont even want to think of comparing myself with my brother cuz i know what my parents answer will be. "oh... cuz he's a boy and ur a girl" i mean what the heck! it's not our fault that we are weaker than the guys. did we ask to be vulnerable? was it our wish to be like that??!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! i feel so exasperated!!!!!

*so sick*

gotta change my answering machine
now that im alone
cuz right now it says that we cant come to the phone
and i know it makes no sense
cuz u walked out the door
but its the only way i hear ur voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
it's been months
and for some reason i just
(cant get over us)
am stronger than this
(enough is enough)
no more walking round
with my head down
im so over being blue
crying over u

im so sick of love songs
so tired of tears
so down with wishing u were still here
said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow
so why cant i turn off the radio?

gotta fix the calendar i have
that's marked september 6th
cuz since there's no more u
there's no more anniversary
im so fed up with my thought of u
and ur memory
and how every song reminds me
of how what used to be

leave me alone
leave me alone
stupid love songs
dont make me think bout his smile
or having my first child
let if go
turn off the radio

this song is really how i feel now. sigh.

*changed a few of the lyrics.. to really express how i feel*

nothing much to blog bout

i havent been updating my blog cuz hmmmm. nothing much has happened to me. my life has been the same. let me run u through my daily routines...

1) wake up
2) get ready
3) drink honey with apple cider
4) go to school
5) force myself to study and concentrate
6) come back
7) change to shorts
8) watch tv
9) watch more tv
10) go online
11) eat dinner
12) watch tv
13) bath
14) do hw(those that i didnt manage to finish in school) (or maybe attempt to do it)
15) read book
16) sleep...

so that is like what i normally do during my weekdays. my weekends will be different of course. hahaha. so there's nothing much to update unless something major happened.

so yesterday for yf we went and pai kam. we have this thing every year since.....hmmmmmm... dont know when. lol. but yeah.. we'll go and bless the community with kam's or mandarin oranges. not gold okayyy.. hahaha. so anyway. yesterday was really different cuz we had very few packs to give out. and we didnt have the usual silver boxes which was really hard and heavy to hold(not like i had to carry it) ahhaha. for the last 2 years we had to put those boxes in like baskets and it either destroyed the boxes or emmmm.. yeahhh.. destroyed the boxes. hahaa. but this year we had those brown packets or doggie bags with handles. that's how u call it right. anyway... it was really easy to carry and give away. though it kinda look fragile.

and each car had like only 17 packs. so it was really really little. my team went back to church to get a few more. it was a fun day. had a GREAT weather and had a really great time with justina. laughing and creating all the crappy stuffs.

a simple sentence for today

- a crowned leader is no different in God's eyes than the humblest Christian who speaks to the Lord from their heart -

*everything to me*

when i feel down, i look to You
when i feel low, Your Word seems true
it's not by might or in my strength
but it's by Your spirit moving in my life
cuz God You are my life

i will praise You
Your everything to me
i live for You
Your the reason that i sing
i wont go back to the way i used to be
cuz i found You
Your everything to me

sometimes when i look down
and all i see is sinking sand
im thankful that it's You
the solid rock on which i stand

God! Your everything to me!!!!! =)

had to put an end to my dilemma

finally i had to put an end to my dilemma. i couldnt make a decision at all. seriously. like what my last post said....i really didnt want to make a decision. but yesterday i was asking my mum which should i choose. she said she wants me to get into college. but the thing that is stopping myself from deciding on a college is that i havent really completed my books. so im scared that the college wont accept me. but i dont have the peace to go on with my decision of finishing my books too. so i was stuck in between. and finally..i've decided that i should just finish my books. get my permanent records. and happily say that i've completed my high school.

sigh..i do hope i get to finish by the end of this month. and by the time i finish..or even before i finish i should know what i wanna do di. junior asked me today why i dont want to do photography. then i said that i heard that u need to write essay bout the pictures and all. and trust me. i really do hate writing essays. so anyway, he was like haiyoo. everything also need to do like that la. in other words, it reminded me of the saying, "nothing in life is easy". but im the kind of person who expects everything to be easy. and when it becomes hard...i normally give up. that's me. which i think it's really bad to have such attitude. ughhhh!!!

frustration...exasperation

im forced today once again to think bout whether i should continue finishing my books or go straight to college. i get loads of different advices from different ppl. some say that i should finish my books and some say i should go straight to college. i wanted to go to the education fair. and decide. then straight away register into a college. but the thing is i dont know whether the college will accept me cuz i didnt finish my school and blablabla(other possible reasons).

when i think that i should go back to school and finish up my books...i dont get the peace u know. like when u decide on something u'll get the peace and then u'll know that that's what God wants u to do. but i didnt get that peace. in fact, i feel more troubled. like i dont feel nice. bahsss! i dont want to think bout it anymore laaaa!!! arghhhhh!!! i feel so frustrated now man. esp. when i dont know which coll or which course to take.

pls pray for me la. aihhhh. maybe im not desiring for an answer wholeheartedly. maybe i dont really want an answer that's why it's not coming to me. arghhhhhhh!!! i dont want to think bout it. but im forced to decide. what if i dont want to decide so fast??!! cant i take my own sweet time? hmmm..maybe if i take my own sweet time, i might not come out with a solution. argh! dont know la. help me!!!!

FRIM....again

today i went to FRIM again. hahaha. it was quite fun this time. i told myself not to eat. reminded myself of what happened the last time. it was seriously not a nice feeling. so time i manage to walk a little bit faster and and and not puking!!! hahaha. and i think cuz this time i had more friends around. so it was quite fun. laugh alot too.

we went through the waterfall area. which was super scary but it was nice la. not as boring and long as the other way that we went the last time. and if u go anywhere with kevin..u will definitely be entertained. haha. by his antics. haha. at least we didnt call any younger ones. cuz then have be more responsible of more ppl man.

there were loads of mosquitoes in the parking area. cuz it rained last night. so im praying that i dont get any dengue. i smacked alot of aedes mosquitoes. hopefully it didnt get into my system. but today was a fun day of exercising! =) didnt regret going. i was actually regretting when i woke up this morning. but now...it's not so bad after all! =)

*do u believe in love?*

just one day
if i could hold u in my arms
close to my heart where u belong
love of my life u really are

do u believe in love?
and the promise that it brings
that u'll never grow apart
well that's what u said to me
why did u have to go?
we were inseparable

just one day
if i could touch ur face again
words cant describe how im feeling
if i could turn back the hands of time
id still be holding on wishes that u left
remember moments when there was nothing better than
a stroll in the park
ill never forget the times where we talk bout me and u
the things we do together forever

the words u said to me before u slipped away
are still with me till this very day
in everything i do to everything i say
u'll always be the sunshine of my life

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

oh my goshhh!!! it's 2006!! sooo fast man!!! i have to get used to sayin that im 18 this year. oh my gosh!!! i still can remember what happened "last" year jan. it still hasnt register in my mind that it's 2006. aww man. too fast! i guess i've got to use the word "last year" di. arghhhhh!!!!! but i guess life goes on. time doesnt wait for u.

i have got to pray that this year will be a great&wonderful year. a year where there are loads of important choices to be done. which im trying really hard to forget bout it and not think bout it yet. im too lazy to sit down and think bout it la. it makes me sad everytime i think bout the decisions that i have to make. hahaha

so anyway, im wishing all the ppl who's reading my blog a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! may God's blessings&favors pour down into ur lives!! love u guys! =)

stand up for ur decisions

have u ever gotten into a situation where u've made a decision but ur friends come and ask u to do or go somewhere else with them? like for instance.. my church have always made the new year's countdown as a tradition. and i was just talking to my mum this morning bout ppl who go to bukit bintang or any other celebration place to countdown with strangers. for me...i really think that new year's is pretty important. cuz it's like a new beginning. and it's special to me. so something special means celebrating it with either church ppl or close friends. so i decided that im gonna make sure i countdown every year in church. cuz there's where i want to be.

but then...at like 7 something. my friends started to call me. and ask me where im going and whether i would like to join them to either a party or to the curve for the countdown. my first answer was i cant cuz i need to go to church. and my friends they too have a church countdown and they are pretty strong Christians. but i dont know why they didnt attend their church countdown. i guess no one's perfect. so anyway... after hanging up. my mind starts thinking bout the decision i have made. whether going to church is better than counting down with my friends. so i was sms-ing with justina la. i was telling her that it's really not an easy decision and it's not easy to stand up for ur beliefs and decisions..but i guess this is where u have to learn to be different. and it's really not easy. seriously. esp. when u have ur close friends to celebrate with. so this is when u have to choose between God and friends. and im really glad that i chose God. i mean obviously i feel sad that i cant celebrate with my friends. but i guess u cant sit on the fence. u've got to choose between them.

i guess this is like learning ground la. im pretty sure there are more days to come where i have to choose between church services with my friends. it has been a part of my struggles and it still is. at least not as bad as last time. cuz now me and my friends are quite committed in church stuffs. so they'll understand. hehe. =) which is one thing in my life that i thank God for. friends that understands my commitments in church.

wall climbing

i was not excited bout wall climbing actually. but after a long long persuation by justina and jessica. i decided to take up the challenge. so we went yesterday to 1u. u know the huge glassy area at the top of the new wing. when we arrived there. oh my goodness. it looked seriously scary. but once u get urself excited...it's quite fun. i might go and try again one day if u ask me. it was quite a waste of money cuz i didnt dare to do much stuff. i think the next time ill be a little bit more daring. hahaha

im feeling a little bummed out cuz i didnt manage to reach the top. or should i say i didnt dare to take an unsure step. hahaha. esp. when ur footing feels abit unstable. then ur mind races and start thinking of scary thoughts. lol. i woke up this morning with my back aching, hands and arms aching. but im very very sure that i wanna go again. lol.

at first we didnt get to go in cuz most of us were first time climbers and inexperienced so they didnt allow. esp. those under 18 who didnt have any siblings/guardian around. so poor suzanne. she couldnt go and enjoy the fun of getting ur body aching. so we(just, jess, suzanne, eva, and me) decided to go and play bowling. while the rest wall climbed. the first game was quite fun. but later we got bored of it. and was so tired of bowling. and it was suzanne's first time playing bowling. so we were acting really stupid and crazy. but after the first game. evelyn said we might be able to go climbing. so we decided to go and register. cuz there's loads of complications esp. if ur under 18.

well, the place was super nice. the designs, the toilets everything looks super chun wei. haha. and to tell u the truth. there was a few leng chais. somemore they're like mix or pure guai lou's. hahaa. there was little kids there too. and they climbed further than me man. i was seriously damn malufied. hahaha. and of course more daring than me.

so after that. a few of us went to william's. i've been there before. but i didnt eat or drink anything. was abit shy at that time. so anyway, we drank this drink called ribena with longan. it was superb! i've never tasted anything like that. ahaha. and the food there has weird names and all. really enjoyed myself yesterday even though we made a fool of ourselves. which is not a surprise actually. hahaa. and of course had a little exercise. haha. so ppl go and check out the wall climbing place. it's called camp5. super chun name too. haha.

*i still*

who are u now?
are u still the same
or did u change somehow?
what do u do
at this very moment when i think of u?
and when im looking back
how we were young and stupid
do u remember that?

no matter how i fight it
cant deny it
just cant let u go

i still need u
i still care about u
though everything's been said and done
i still feel u
like im right beside u
but still no word from u

now look at me
instead of moving on, i refuse to see
that i keep coming back
and im stuck in a moment
that wasnt meant to last

wish i could find u
just like how u found me
then i would never let u go

*all i am*

in to ur hands
i commit again
with all i am
for u Lord

You hold my world
in the palm of Your hands
and i am Yours forever

Jesus i believe in You
Jesus i belong to You
You're the reason that i live
the reason that i sing
with all i am

ill walk with You
wherever Your go
through tears and joy
ill trust in You

and i will live
in all of Your ways
Your promises forever

yf camp 2005

yf camp 2005 was the greatest camp! i dont mean that the other camps that i went wasnt great. but this was better. u wanna know why? hmmm. firstly, i was the dorm leader. for the first time!!! yeahhhh!!! was a really really great time! though sometimes kind of hard to love the naughty ones. but i've gotta learn to love. cuz ps. nirhal(camp speaker) prophesied that when he prayed for me. he keeps seeing the word love. and that God will wash out the rest and place love in my life. so i guess i gotta learn to love the ppl of God huh. anyways, i was also the backup singer...for the first time. it was super cool too. was kind of nervous at the beginning but i was okay. since i've worship lead before. and of course we took tons of pictures. i guess another thing that was diff this year was that i needed to wake up earlier than the other campers. to pray and all. wasnt used to it on the first night cuz one of my dorm member had asthma. so after the games she couldnt really breathe properly. but was okay...until night time. around 4 something in the morning she woke me up saying she couldnt breathe. at first i was really reluctant to get up. i wanted more sleep. but once she said that she couldnt breathe. i straight away got up and called delz. though i had headache and i couldnt walk properly. but managed to stay silent and didnt wake up the rest of them. hahaa. i've learnt lots of stuff in camp. for example...patience, tolerance, love, kindness, perseverance. but of course im not perfect yet. i still have my weaknesses. sometimes i really try to be patient and not burst. but i cant help it la. i guess i still need to practice the breathing in and breathing out first. hahaha. so anyway.. some of the pictures from camp.

li ann&just&me

li ann&delz(my cg leader)&mich(my cousie)&just&me

gonna miss just & jess!

they left for aussie. not permanently. thank God. but i cant see them for like 1 week. boo hoo. aw man. if i miss just now. when she's only gone for bout 9-10 days. i wonder how ill feel when it's time for her to go back there again. when her hols end and all. aw man. i can understand her feeling la. cuz now we're all close again. i guess the feeling of the first departure will happen again in feb. anyway, take care dear!!! have tons and tons of fun! cant wait till u come back! =)

taken in yf camp 2005! this is justea sayang!

more pictures from vbs

im helping the kids. but delz is doing her own. hehe

deco-ing. super tiring. but fun. hehe

genting trip

on the 22nd of nov, me, just, mich, and andrew went up to genting. u might be wondering why in the world did we wanna go to genting. well, andrew had to work up there. so mich, just, and me went up there purely for fun. eheh. cuz on sunday when i had this dinner thingy in jared's house for his son, mich asked whether i wanna go. so we went up there. went on tons of rides. did really really silly things. scream to our heart's satisfaction. and of course TOOK TONS AND TONS OF PICTURES!!!! hahaha. u might have seen some of them in my friendster di. but to those who doesnt have friendster or doesnt visit friendster often. im gonna show some of em here. =) i dont have much to say bout the trips. cuz the pictures says it all. hehe

reading the map just in case we get lost =)

in the motion master place. just before it started =)

waiting in line for an indoor roller coaster ride

having our lunch in coffeebean.

on the ferris wheel. sighh. too bad. there wasnt any leng chai's who climb up and ask us out. haha

my graduation ceremony

on the 20th of nov, i had my awards night. and i had the ceremony. it felt weird wearing the gown. it felt so heavy on my shoulders. like it was going to drag me down to the ground. ahahha. but it was horrible. the whole awards night was a bore. except some parts. that is when i received an award. i was super surprised! i was shocked! when they called my name to go and receive an award, i was like terrified. i didnt know what to do. then my friend who was next to me shouted at my ear that i should be going up there. then only my legs started to move. i was sooooo shocked. hahaa. cuz my teacher just ask me and 2 of my other friends to go out in front there and she said she needed help. so we were at the backstage playing around then we had to follow our teacher to the front there la. so we were waiting and waiting. and we were trying so hard to peek at the paper that contains the names of those who are getting the awards. haha. this year was the first time i got an award after 5 years of studying in homeschooling. and this year was also the first time i did the most books in 5 years. haha. and i did more than my friends in my old school u know. ahahah. can u believe it? muahahahhaa. just joking just joking =) im showing some pictures only. cuz the rest looks horrible. hehe

me and my dad

jasmine and me

my happenings. hehe

i know that it has been a while since i've blogged.. so here's a little update.. =)

on the 17th-19th nov, i had vbs in my church. so i was the crew leader who didnt have an assistant whereas the rest had. i guess they thought im some strong and firm person who can handle kids. this was the first time i had to handle kids of several ages. hahaa. i think. anyway, after the first day, i really couldnt stand it anymore. cuz the kids was like so naughty. esp. the 2 boys. therefore, they decided to give me an assistant. and after having him as my assistant, i didnt have so much trouble di since the guys was like sticking to him. so it was okay. ehhee. so here's a picture of me and my assistant =)

zhen bon and me =)

*dont pass me by*

my heart it longs
my soul it thirts for more
for more of YOU
im reaching out
im waiting here for more
for more of YOU

cuz all i want is YOU
and all i need
is to be here with YOU

im hungry for YOUR fire
im desperate YOUR my one desire
Jesus please dont pass me by
cuz i need YOU
more than ever
im thirsty for a touch from heaven
Jesus please dont pass me by

my heart it longs
my soul it thirsts for more
for more of YOU
cuz all i want is YOU
and all i need
is to be here with YOU

dont pass me by Lord
im desperate for YOU
dont pass me by Lord
im desperate for YOU

missing the conference

i woke up today. feeling so lonely and missing the conference. it just passed by super fast. like now im thinking what we might be doing if we're in the conference. i miss the conference SOOO much. not just the music, not just the sermons...but i miss the moments, the memories, the closeness to God and of course i miss my friends. cuz i seldom get to see them. we're all like so busy and all. many things are happening in each of our lives. i miss going crazy with them. doing silly things. i wouldn't trade their friendship for anything.

but i tell u that now i feel closer to God. i hope this is not for the moment kind of thing. which is very common in my life. i dont want this passion to end. but on the other hand, i keep letting satan to put a foot in my life. i've learn that i should learn to stand up and not let satan to pacify(or however u spell it) me. i dont want him to give me the fake one and keep me away from the real thing which is God and His love and His promises. this conference has really taught me alot of things. i've learn to worship God more, keep Him connected in my life, and staying strong for God. i made this connection with God that made me feel like i dont want to depart from His presence. He gives the peace that makes u feel whole and worthy to be loved.

planet shakersssss is in town weiiii!!!!!!

woooohoooooo!!!! here comes another 3 days of conference for me. i could remember preparing for the conference last year, remember talking bout the life changing experiences, remember all the fun and all the stuff that happened....and i cant believe that time has past so fast!!!! it's like in a blink of an eye...here comes the conference again. like another year has gone past.

this is the time of the year where ill ask myself what have i done with my year. i guess i can say i have accomplish much much more than last year. but it's still not enough. there are some things which i have not overcome or accomplish yet. and i hope i could do it and move on to another goal/challenge u know. hehe.

so anyway, i guess i wont be posting for 3 days. lol. but i seldom post now a days. have not been updating cuz there's no reason for me to do so.

my jungle trekking adventure

on friday, me, ginie, eugene, and one of their friend went for jungle trekking in FRIM. hahahaa. just thinking bout it makes me laugh. even though it was a very very very very VERY painful adventure. but it was quite fun. cuz it made me feel quite good when i reached the top and was walking down. though it was quite scary coming down. hahaha. all the sweating and all made me feel happy cuz that means i've burned some fats. but i drank coke and ate sweets after that. so i guess it put on the fats that i burned. cis cis! but remind me not to eat breakfast the next time i go for jungle trekking. hahaha. cuz i kind of left a memory there. like marked my territory. ahaha. now when i think back, i think i feel quite embarassed. cuz emmmm. i puked in front of a person that i met the first time. i wonder what he'll think of me. i think he'll think twice next time. hahaha. i didnt have time to look at the scenery cuz mostly i was concentrating on finishing the whole entire journey. i really wished there were a helicopter to come to my rescue. haahha. i really felt like i couldnt go on. but after puking, ahhahaha, i had the strength to continue on the journey. hahaa. weird eh. but it was a fun time la. now i know im really out of shape cuz even a grandma can walk up so high. and im like so out of breath. hahaha. i should be ashamed of myself. hahaa. i wanted to go next time. but when i heard that the leechs can jump up, i think i've changed my mind. hahaa. i've decided that ill go road trekking. that way i wont have any leechs jumping and craving for my blood. hahaha.

something that lightened up my day =)

Be joyful always;
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

been reminded again and again of this verse
if u guys have noticed my last few posts
i've been complaining and being sad and all
but i fail to give thanks to God
failed to give thanks in all circumstances..
which i have been trying to tell myself to do

consider it pure joy, my brothers,
whenever u face trials of many kinds,
because u know that the testing of ur faith develops perseverance
perseverance must finish its work so that
u may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything.
(James 1:2-4)

praise be to God
and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion
and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

my sad thoughts

why am i so foolish,
why am i so dumb,
he's too selfish,
and that makes me numb.
how do i forget bout the past,
how do i move on,
i want to forget him fast,
and i want the feelings to be gone.
i dont mean anything to him anymore,
my heart really tore,
ever since he walked out the door.

why did we become like this?
why did things change?
i want to be filled with blissfulness,
but i feel like im stuck in a cage.
memories start to race in my mind,
wishing that we'll go back in time,
where i was in ur heart and mind.
all i can do now is wish and hope,
that with God i can cope,
every heart break and every tear.
i know that one day ill understand,
cuz the answers is in God's hand,
and i know i will stand,
with God hand in hand.

feelings come and go,
leaving me all torn up inside,
i dont know what i want to do,
whether to stay or go.
i know i should be leaving,
i know i shouldnt be staying,
but i cant bear going,
all i can do is continue praying,
that me and him are meant to be.

i need strength,
i need God's joy,
i want to give thanks in every circumstance,
i dont want the situation to control my emotions
but i seem to give in no matter what.
he tells me that he's interested with someone else,
and that he wants to do this and that for her
and here i am
trying to be happy for him
trying to wish him all the best with her
even though it may break my heart
again and again

i sat in the car
staring out the window
staring at the things passing by
wishing that my sadness could just fade away
wishing that my heart will never break
for the same person ever again
wishing that i could scream all my hurt away
wishing that i could move on like he did
wishing that we are meant to be
wishing that we would have another chance
a chance where it would last till death do us part

i really wish for his happiness,
i really want him to be happy
to have the girl of his dreams
but at the same time
im very sad that
he didnt choose me
i wouldnt know what the future brings
i wish i knew
i wish i had the answers to everything
but i've learn that
trials help us to be who God wants us to be
without trials...
there will be no perseverance

does anyone care?

i feel like im the person whom one goes to when one doesnt have any other friends there. like if ur good friend is not around....go to esther. if there's no one to talk to....go to esther. if good friend is around. dont need to care bout esther. need someone to spend time with. dont need to care bout esther. im like the person on the bleachers. sitting there waiting for someone who needs me. someone who wants to be my friend. someone who wants to talk to me and spend time with me. someone who listens to me. someone who cares bout me. someone who is there, who is willing to share my ups and downs with. im not saying that i dont think God is with me. or i dont think that He's enough. all im saying is that i feel unwanted. nobody wants to spend time with me. everybody comes to me only when there's no one else to go to. like im the last resort. no one cares bout me. it's so simple to say "ohh. if u're feeling that way. go to God. always go to God." i dont want any sunday school answers. i have enough of all those sunday school answers. i get so fed up of this life. sometimes i feel like giving up.

i know that God is there for me. i know that He's always there to listen to me and to care for me. but why am i still feeling this way? dont i have a relationship with Him? dont i believe in Him? dont i trust Him to be there for me? i sometimes wonder... that if im gone. would anyone notice? would anyone care? would anyone grieve?

people who once were my friends
now seem so far away
it's like we dont know each other anymore
it's like we're strangers again
waiting to cross paths
no longer talking
no longer having anything in common
no longer sharing the same jokes
no longer keeping in touch
no longer creating memories
no longer spend time with each other

everything that's left is
scars, differences, changes,
memories, tears, loneliness
what happened to our friendships?
what happened to staying close?
what happened to keeping in touch?
what happened to the things we shared?
what happened to the crazy laughters?
what happened to the crazy moments?
what happened to the crazy things that we did?

why must changes occur?
why must we go our separate ways?
isit to make us matured?
isit to make us move on?
isit to make us see the differences of each other?
isit to make us change too?
isit to make us meet other ppl in the world?
isit for the better?

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

lalalaa. im super super bored. and when im bored....aw man. u wouldnt want that. cuz my mind will start thinking and missing someone. so i choose not to be bored. that's why im updating my blog. havent been writing lately cuz i dont know what to write. lol. cuz there's no word that can explain how i feel. sigh.

anyways, i've recounted my books. and i have around 15 more books to go. not counting the books that im doing now. so i think i can graduate this year. like literally graduate. then hopefully i can work in my school for a few months first then only i go to college. cuz i dont want to go to college so soon. maybe around mid next year ill consider but not early next year. definitely not. i wanna have some fun first mannn.. hahaha. many ppl told me to study hard and play later. but i would like to do both at the same time. hehe.

*photo*

a photo can say a thousand things
but it cant say a million things that i wanna say
a photo can capture the way we were
but it cant capture the way we are
cause ur far away
what it's like to know u
what it's like to love u

when u told me that u loved me
were those just words
u cant tell me u dont need me
and i know that hurts
cause im looking at ur picture
cause it's all ive got
maybe one day
u and me will have one more shot

timing lost minutes and moments
and i might be a lonely girl
but im not afraid
in a second
it all comes right back to me
nothing's forgotten now
yeah everything's saved

u were my life
u were my faith
u gave me hope everyday

-----------------------------------------------------


i thought i couldnt move on
but with God's strength i could move on
i thought that without u
my world falls apart
but heyyy.
my world is still in tact
i thought i couldnt do many things
i thought i couldnt get over u
but slowly slowly
everything seems to fade away
even though there's still
goosebumps, butterflies
sweaty palms, heart pounding
but i know that one day
i can treat u as a normal friend again
we will never know what the future brings
but why should we concentrate on the future
when the present is more important

i cant say that ive completely moved on
but i can say that im slowly letting go
i cant say that i dont love u anymore
but i can say that u have a special place in my heart
i cant say that im full of joy and happiness
but i know that one day ill be
i cant say i know the future
but i know my future is in God's hands

i used to think
whenever i face crossed roads
that my world will end
but now..
i realize that
with God's strength i can do more things
if i make it a point
to turn to God
instead of trying to fix it on my own
everything will not be as bad as it seems

i sure hope to know bout the future
but i guess we have to have faith in God
we might think this one is the best
but maybe God has something way better
i used to focus so much on my problems
thinking that they're the biggest problems
but when i turn my focus
to other people's problems
i realize that my problem is not so big after all
sometimes we tend to magnify our problems
but actually it's just a small little ant

thought of the day

as i close my eyes to sleep,
tears trickle down my cheek.
i scream, i shout,
but no one hears me out.
my heart longs for him,
every sec, every min.
i wonder what God has in store for me,
i wish i could see.
i pray for me and u,
that one day u would love me too.

i wish that u'll love me,
and we'll be happy as can be.
i want u to be by my side,
everyday and every night.
why did u go away,
must it really be this way?

nice?!

is this new skin nice? i kind of give up on the old one. i love the old one.. its just that it's very hard with the fonts and all. getting irritated diii. haha. so decided to change to one that is not so complicated. haha.

well, i have nothing much to update. nothing extraordinary is going on with my life right. i think la. at the moment i have nothing much to say. ehehe. oh yeah oh yeah. i just dyed my hair today. i was suppose to do it in 1u. cuz they have this promotion thingy. so they are doing it for free if u buy 2 boxes of dye. but the thing is that only 1 person can do it. so i was supposed to do it there. but when saturday came, i was too shy. i mean harloooo. they're having the promotion at the center of the mall u know. do u think im that crazy??? haha. so i let my mum to go there and do and she did it for me today. shucks! i hope my school dont notice. cuz last time i dyed a lighter color than this current one but its only like highlights. but now its like the whole head. shucks! i hope my teacher's dont notice. haha. but as i look at it more often. it looks quite natural la. but hahaha. do u think my teacher's have eye problem? lol.

im still trying really hard to move on. but its not working. i dont know why la. maybe im thinking too much or something. sheesh. dont know laa. trying to stop myself from thinking too much. dont want to be sad anymore. sometimes i feel no matter how much i scream and shout. i dont think anyone can hear my cry. i dont think anyone can feel my pain. besides God la. haha. but knowing that God knows is good enough for me. cuz He can do everything and man can fail us. we shouldnt depend on man too much cuz they can fail us. but God will never ever fail us. He'll have faith even when we are faithless. i really wish i have a child-like faith. it's so simple. i wish i dont need to doubt or have the unworthy feeling. that really sucks!

i went to watch the cave with my friends(miss them sooo much!). warning: DO NOT WATCH THE CAVE! i never thought of watching it actually. but when we all decided to watch the cave. i dont know what has gotten into uss. haha. it really really sucked. like no other movie has ever sucked that much. i almost fell asleep u know. thank God eden was there with me. me and her was like laughing at the movie and insulting and all. the show is like darn darn darn waste of time and money. but it's okay. as long as i manage to meet up with my long lost friends and catch up with them. have a laugh with them which i had never laugh that much for such a long long time. i certainly enjoyed their company. always & forever! hehe.