Tuesday, October 11, 2005

does anyone care?

i feel like im the person whom one goes to when one doesnt have any other friends there. like if ur good friend is not around....go to esther. if there's no one to talk to....go to esther. if good friend is around. dont need to care bout esther. need someone to spend time with. dont need to care bout esther. im like the person on the bleachers. sitting there waiting for someone who needs me. someone who wants to be my friend. someone who wants to talk to me and spend time with me. someone who listens to me. someone who cares bout me. someone who is there, who is willing to share my ups and downs with. im not saying that i dont think God is with me. or i dont think that He's enough. all im saying is that i feel unwanted. nobody wants to spend time with me. everybody comes to me only when there's no one else to go to. like im the last resort. no one cares bout me. it's so simple to say "ohh. if u're feeling that way. go to God. always go to God." i dont want any sunday school answers. i have enough of all those sunday school answers. i get so fed up of this life. sometimes i feel like giving up.

i know that God is there for me. i know that He's always there to listen to me and to care for me. but why am i still feeling this way? dont i have a relationship with Him? dont i believe in Him? dont i trust Him to be there for me? i sometimes wonder... that if im gone. would anyone notice? would anyone care? would anyone grieve?

people who once were my friends
now seem so far away
it's like we dont know each other anymore
it's like we're strangers again
waiting to cross paths
no longer talking
no longer having anything in common
no longer sharing the same jokes
no longer keeping in touch
no longer creating memories
no longer spend time with each other

everything that's left is
scars, differences, changes,
memories, tears, loneliness
what happened to our friendships?
what happened to staying close?
what happened to keeping in touch?
what happened to the things we shared?
what happened to the crazy laughters?
what happened to the crazy moments?
what happened to the crazy things that we did?

why must changes occur?
why must we go our separate ways?
isit to make us matured?
isit to make us move on?
isit to make us see the differences of each other?
isit to make us change too?
isit to make us meet other ppl in the world?
isit for the better?

4 comments:

* j * said...

you're NOT my last resort & you'll NEVER be my last resort. i love you heaps. i miss you terribly. & God loves you a whole lot too.
Hahs that's why he sent me to u! LoL ok just kidding. come on girl, smile again =) *hugs* u'll the first i drag out when i'm home. no more resting on the bleachers for u! =p

* j * said...

oops. u'll BE the first hahah left out the be. must correct it =Pp dont wanna sound funny hahaha. ok, mayb im just too free =)

YANZ said...

hey gurl, dun let anyone make u feel down... i care abt u, i'll listen to u... and i'll definetely notice when ur not around!!! ;)

*hugs*muakz*

Yian said...

Oi ;p

I want to spend time with you lah auntie!!! But no time nowadays, so tiring to study and work at the same time :( Sorry.....When Just comes back we definately have to go out, yar! Chillies!!! *kekekekeke*

In church, I love to kacau you, to talk to you, to be your friend, to be your sister, to crap with you, to hang out with you, right?

*hugs*