malaysian studies exam

as u can see... the title says it all. sigh. prayer request. i know it's a bit too late. but pls pray for me as im sitting for my exam tmr evening from 3-5 pm. sigh. i have no idea whatsoever bout malaysian history. and having an exam bout it tmr makes it even worse. whenever the lecturer teach, my mind goes blank. nothing goes in. what i hear is a buzzing sound of i-dont-know-what. haha

at least my friend gave me some tips which one of my lecturer gave out. hopefully im able to answer some questions. hopefully whatever i study tonight will stay in my head. dont ask me why im blogging when im suppose to be studying at this moment... but but but... i gotta express my problems. pls pray for me! i need loads of prayer!

even for my presentation.. i'll explain more but till now.. i should be having malaysian studies in my mind only. says the boyfriend. seeeee... i listen to u right??? hahaa.. okay okay. now i'll go study before he kills me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE PERSON WHO HAS MY HEART!

to my dearest darling
born on this wonderful day
i thank God that u are born on this day
to have a person like u to spend the rest of my life with


happy birthday to u
happy birthday to u
happy birthday to my baby
happy birthday to u


i hope that u had a great time today
i know i did
i wish that we never have to say goodbye
that i get to see u anytime i want
everytime i open my eyes when i wake up
i hope to see u
but oh wells
i know one day i would =)

so sorry that we didnt get to eat ur birthday cake today
we were too full
the food was too good to resist
hehe



i am no longer good with words
no longer able to rhyme
no longer able to come up with something that is special
but here goes...
no harm trying right?

expensive presents i can no longer afford
but manage to create presents with all my effort
to me, it is more sincere to have it all handmade
coming from the heart of a "soulmate"

being in a relationship is sometimes hard
but being together is better than apart
i pray that our love for each other will grow
and may His unconditional love overflow


i wanted to go to a nice restaurant that we can dress up. since this is the first time that im celebrating his bday together with him. but in the end, he wanted kfc. then i was like what???? so normal. then pizza uno. then he said his friend told him that daves was nice. i totally forgotten bout that place. that place serves quite yummylicious food. and so daves it was =)

* i know that this pic is dark.. but i like it laaa! *
anyone can teach me how to use photoshop?

* my baby *

* yummy mushroom soup *
it was really good

* his lasagne *
looks funny eh?

* my cabonara *
looks like... em, i shall not say. ahaha!

* young *
he was so cute when he's young. but now he's more good looking =)

* and though sometimes he may act like a small kid...
he's still my night in shining armor =) *

* the handsome birthday boy! *

q u e s t i o n

the question of they day... (instead of quote of the day)



can i live in a perfect world?




yet another one that i dont need any comment bout

ups and downs

happiness and sadness

joy and anger

up and down

crooked and straight

tall and short

fat and thin

smile and frown

open and close

sunshine and rain

healthy and sick

pleasure and pain



can i just stay in a moment forever?
can i just freeze the happy times?
can i only have good times?
can i not have any suffering?
can i have everything easy?

can i just laugh and smile?
and never frown or be sad?
can i have laughter and no tears?
can i not know the feeling of being hurt?
can i guard my heart forever?

lots of emotions
feelings
surge through my veins

can i stop the time?
can i stop the hurt?
can i stop the tears?
can i stop the pain?

am i going crazy?

what is going on?




w h y ?????????????
w h y ?????????????
w h y ?????????????

pls give me an answer
pls
pls
pls



p.s dont comment on this

adventure in kl

finally i got to see my baby today. we wanted to eat the ho weng kee wan tan mee but sadly it wasnt open. o & s was packed with ppl. so we went to the one behind o & s. which sucked real bad. so anyway, we were thinking of places to go.... the choices was midvalley, klcc, or time square. but in the end... we decided to go pertama complex. more like kevin decided. hahaa. and from there......... our adventure began

we got onto taman paramount lrt station. went to kl central. changed to ktm. stopped at bank negara. then we walked and walked non stop. it was like the blind leading the blind. we didnt know which direction to go. so we went and asked several ppl.... i think bout 5-6 ppl? felt like a tourist wei. anyways, everyone that we asked had different directions. tell me.... which one should we trust? so we just walked... tried to follow their directions. walked bout 1-2 hours. fuih... thinking bout it gives me the creeps and making my head spin.

dont get me wrong... i dont mind walking around. but under the scorching sun... emm... think twice. haha. i kept telling kevin the whole time. that i know he dont want to be so mean and tell me that im fat so he's forcing me to walk one big round or maybe he knows the place but he just want to make me pay for something that happen before.

so after walking for what seems like a million years, we stopped at a traffic light. and i turned and looked up a building....... and guess what i saw?????????????????? ta-da!!!

* sogo & pertama complex!!!! *

* stopped for a while to take pictures for memories *

* he chose to tell me that there's nothing much to see in pertama complex once we found it *
but in there... we couldnt find the shops selling the sports stuff. hahaha.

* finally we found the shops! *

* in sogo's lift *
i love this pic!! we look so happy!

* as u can see.. we're leaving *

if u look closely... our hair is wet. well, let me tell u the story. we decided to leave sogo & pertama complex to go back to curve. cuz i was looking for shoes. but didnt get. so decided to go curve and get my most wanted shoes of all times. as we were leaving, walking outside already, the gray clouds came. we were praying that God would stop the rain. but my dearest darling sweetheart honey baby.... decided to do his all time favorite (that should just be kept in the shower) that is to sing!!!! so it started drizzling and slowly it started pouring!!! my goodness!! seriously! can faint!!! argh! so we walked and walked and walked getting drenched and we even kinda got lost trying to find the lrt station.

* finally in the lrt station! *
hahaha



* we looked like we played in the rain *

* i thanked God for cars *

* but i would never trade a day in shopping malls for a day like this *
it was truly a great, awesome, & wonderful adventure. but should be done at least once a year. ahhahaa.

the end-of-the-day results :

• had great fun. fun that cant be felt in the malls
• got a tan i think
• lost a few kgs? speaking with hope. hahaha
• kevin got sneakers. the one which he wanted and for a lower price
• took loads of pictures

ps. notice the weird faces kevin gave in the pictures? well, he said that it makes the pictures look nicer or more natural. something like that. hahaha. so he thinks. sheesh

b r e a t h e

wishes, wishes, wishes, and nothing but wishes

i wish i can love one when one is unlovable

i wish i can love one when one is unavailable

i wish that sometimes i dont have any feelings whatsoever

i wish that sometimes i dont have to care

i wish that sometimes i dont have to bother

i wish that sometimes i feel carefree



disappointments

loneliness

things that cant be fulfilled

plans fit for only one person



take a second,
take a minute,
take an hour,
take as long as u want....

clear ur head
clear ur thoughts
dont think
just b r e a t h e....

pai kam

this year kevin and i was in charge of the pai kam. hmmm.. i got to say that though it may have been easy for others, i felt quite stressed out la. maybe cuz i didnt commit it to God. literally sitting down together with kevin in prayer for it. i took it lightly. i just didnt bother bout much stuff as long as there's kam's to be given out, the packets, and the notes out.. then i dont have to worry bout the other stuff at all.

but i forgot the fact that there might be limited amount of ppl to help out. i gotta admit that i was really discouraged on saturday. didnt really expected the "crowd" to be so small. but i cant complain much... many ppl had school on that day. so oh wells. sigh. at least there was a few ppl helping out and we managed to finish the most important parts.

but as i look back... i've learnt loads of stuff from planning the pai kam thingy. heard from ppl that they enjoyed and had fun. the reply that i gave them was that i know i could have done better. i know that i didnt give my best in planning it.

we had to come on friday night to have a short farewell dinner for just.. then started on pasting the packets and also to cut the notes

not too sure whether i wanna do again next year. hahaa

* we started with cutting the notes *

* then some paste *


* finally the kam's came *

* first there was 3 girls cutting *
so cham ehh.. had to cut so many kayyyy

then......

* a gentleman came to the rescue *

* thanks for supporting me all the way! *


* the ppl who wipe the kam *

* a huge mountain of packets *

* the end result *
breath taking


i had to hold him still. if not he would have kept moving non-stop

* breath taking too *
heheh

* kai cheh & i *

* the ppl who made it more happening *
not to forget kok fei too

thanks!

choices

watching heroes has made me wish sometimes i have some of the super special powers too. but on the other hand, having powers have the pros and cons that comes along with it. sigh

sometimes i wish one could read my mind
i wish that what i want would come true
come to think bout it
listing my wishes will be too long
and all of my wishes are sometimes a tad bit too ridiculous
something that i think will never happen
guess that's why it's called wishes huh
unless maybe, maybe God will plan for 1 or 2 of it to happen


so what do i choose now
how do i choose
whatever i choose has its consequences
and sometimes whatever i choose is something selfish
so in the end...
it ends up to the very first question.....
what do i choose

Holy Spirit...
pls come and help me
help me to know what to choose
and how do i choose it
help me to be the person that God wants me to be

help me to take in whatever good things that comes
and to learn from whatever mistakes
dont let me realize what i've done wrong only when im broken into pieces after falling off the cliff


God, i pray and ask for Ur love
the love that no one can understand or should question
but doing a simple thing such as accepting it
Ur unconditional love

my valentine

kevin and i had our very first valentines dinner tonight. mainly cuz valentines is gonna be this wed. so dont know whether we'll have prayer meeting or not. and also cuz im not so keen in walking around a mall or some where filled with millions of other couples who would wanna celebrate valentines too.

i gotta admit that it feels different having someone special to celebrate valentines with. eventhough it's not officially valentines yet but what's the use of reminiscing bout the way we should love, the way we should speak to one another, etc on that day itself only. we should constantly think bout love and how we should act and how we should show love to one another. we shouldnt do extra stuff cuz of valentines then on the other days u are normal but instead everyday should be valentines to u. treating each other well. planning stuff to do together. it doesnt have to be super grand or something huge. even the simplest thing changes everything.

for example we were thinking of places to eat. then i said i dont care if we have to go maybank mamak to eat. i dont care where we go and eat. i just care bout the company. i just care bout whom im eating the meal with, bout whom im spending my time with.


i just wanna tell u kevin ng hou shin that...
there are times where u make my heart skip a beat
but there are also times where u make me want to "kill" u
there are times where u make me smile
but there are also times where u make me so exasperated
there are times where u make me laugh
but there are also times where u make me seethe with anger
there are times where u make me love u so much
but there are also times where u make me hate u
there are times where u make me thank God for u...
the one who is my other half

notice that in between the good times that we have, there is also the bad. but everytime after the bad. it makes me learn. makes me appreciate him. makes my love for him grow even more.

my valentine

cont.

my justea sayang will have one special post for herself. not cuz all the rest is not as important to me as her. it's just that i didnt get to say goodbye to her in person. i didnt get to have a good parting with her. it ended pretty bad. she had to witness me angry with someone.

when i came back to church... i noticed she's gone. she has gone back home. i can no longer find her to say goodbye anymore. it hasnt really dawn in me that she's leaving. i still cant accept the fact that she's gonna go back to aussieland in approx. 6-7 hours time. 3 months has flown by pretty quick. but to wait for her to come back really feels like a million years more.

i still cant believe it that she'll be gone really soon. i cant accept the fact that i wont have an extra person to fetch. i wont have anyone to walk around 1u with doing nonsense and laughing our heads off while walking. i wont have anyone to talk nonsense with. i wont have anyone to be there sayang-ing me. i wont have anyone to kacau.

there is a void that i will feel whenever she's not around. i feel like im missing someone closest to me. thinking bout her leaving really makes me wanna cry. actually, there is a void that i feel whenever my friends has to go back overseas.

writing this post has forced me to accept the fact that she's gonna leave tmr. forced me to realize that i have to wait another gruelling 8-9 months of torture till she comes back

this cant be happening!!!!!!!! no justea sayang!!!!!!!!!!! dont leave dont leave!!!






u certainly have been and u are a blessing to me. u have been such a great friend. more than anyone can ask. no words can describe how thankful i am to God for putting u in my life. my life would definitely and most certainly be different without u.

i'll end here by asking God to grant u a safe trip back. praying that u'll be able to find more friends that will impact ur life there. u've changed alot ever since u went to aussieland. God has and is doing a great and awesome job in molding u to be the person that He wants u to be =)

will be missing and loving u always. muahs

people always leave

im hating the word airport right now. i might like it if im the one who is doing all the travelling... but noooooo.. all my friends are leaving me behind. slowly one by one is taking off. one by one is leaving me here. one by one is going off to further their studies. oh how i wish i get to follow them. how i wish we can all be back in the high school days. enjoying every single crazy moment. every single laughter. every single smile. every single memory.

what made me take for granted those great days? those awesome days where i dont have much worries in the world. where i can cope more in my studies than now.


to natalie aka dungu ah wong...
i hope ur doing fine there right now. i know u are still on ur wonderful break. well, i wish u all the best in ur studies and ur relationship. i do hope that u get to come back again at the end of this year. im really really sorry that i havent been spending as much time as i should have when u came back this time around. im really sorry. sigh.

my dungu ah wong

to james...
im so sorry that i cant send u off today. know that i really wanted to send u off. it's just that i couldnt. well, i pray that u'll be able to settle down there real fast. pray that u'll get to cope with everything there asap so that u wont have much problems etc etc. pray that u'll find great and awesome friends like us (i know... no one will ever replace us) haha. and not to forget an awesome awesome church that u can count on! all the best in everything u do there. never forget that God is always there with u =) take care!

jamesyyyyyyyyy!!! dont worry. eden's ( the girl beside him ) is his cousin. ahaha

next to come will be kim. sighhh.. i was really sad after i received her call one night. hearing that she has to leave very soon. hope i get to spend more time with her before she leaves. sigh. depressing depressing

* that's when i love u *

havent been posting much lyrics now a days. got more stuff to talk bout other than lyrics that i've heard that has touched my heart one way or another. but this song. this song has certainly touched my heart for quite sometime. till i cant put it off no more. i HAVE to post it here. anyway.. here goes




when u have to look away
when u dont have much to say
that's when i love u
i love u just that way
to hear u stumble when u speak
or see u walk with 2 left feet
that's when i love u
i love u endlessly

and when u're mad cause u lost a game
forget im waiting in the rain
baby i love u
i love u anyway

cuz here's my promise made tonight
u can count on me for life
that's when i love u
when nothing u do can change my mind
the more i learn
the more i love
the more my heart cant get enough
that's when i love u
when i love u no matter what

so when u turn to hide ur eyes
cuz the movie it made u cry
that's when i love u
i love u a lil more each time
and when u cant quite match ur clothes
or when u laugh at ur own jokes
that's when i love u
i love u more than u'll know

and when u forget that we had a date
or that look that u get when u show up late
baby i love u
i love u anyway



i guess now u know why this song has been stuck in my head for quite sometime. the lyrics really means alot. i've been wanting to be that kind of girl

who loves one no matter what
no matter how one acts
how one speaks
one's weaknesses
one's choices
so on so forth

but it has been really hard. i definitely cant love one for one's weaknesses by myself. no wonder im not God huh. then i'll totally fail. alot of emotions and thoughts are jumbled up in my mind. cant seem to put down into words. it's like i have a ton of stuff in my mind. but it kills me everytime when i cant put it in words. when i cant really express it out. then one wouldnt really know how hurt i am. one can only know the surface of my feelings.

sometimes there are an infinite amount of stuff which i wanna say. but it just doesnt seem to come out. i dont have the courage or the ability to speak out those stuff. until slowly a small part inside of me starts to die. then slowly it'll lead to times where i dont care as much anymore. dont care to speak it out. dont care to tell ppl my true feelings. keep on putting it off no matter how much it affects me and that's really really bad.




* most people are stronger than they know but they just forget to believe in it sometimes *

little things

too often we dont realize
what we have till it's gone
too often we wait too late to say
im sorry - i was wrong

sometimes it seems we hurt the ones
we hold dearest to our hearts
and we allow foolish things
to tear our lives apart

far too many times we let
unimportant things into our minds
and then it's usually too late
to see what made us blind

ps. this was not written by me. it's just really meaningful to me