what's the point?

constant misunderstandings...
fights...
jealousy...
sensitive-ness...
trust issues...
sadness...
anger...
assumptions...
cold shoulders...
frustrations...
disappointments...
exasperations...
and the list goes on

when will it end?
will it ever end?
or will this be a constant issue?

no matter how many times we get over the boulders,
the pit stops,
the bumps,
the pot holes,
the sad times,
it comes back again
it's like a never ending cycle

from happy moments
to silly moments
to crazy moments
to nonsense moments
to sad moments
to angry moments
to disappointing moments
to cold shoulder moments

so what's the point of explaining the same thing over and over again?
what's the point?
when it's gonna come again
when we're gonna go through it again?

i dont care anymore
whatever
do whatever u want
say whatever u want
i dont care

a c h e s

this few days there's been heartaches and now adding to it is body ache. ahhaa. kevin and i had our first "jogging" exercise yesterday. we went to kiara hill. oh my gosh! i forgot how horrible it was. i mean i knew it was gonna be tiring. but i didnt know it would have been that bad. and he wanted to jog the whole way somemore. i was like oookkkaaayyyy u shall jog and i shall time u from here. hahaha. it was really bad. we took bout 45 minutes. 45 minutes of laughter, craziness, nonsense, pain, aches, short of breaths, and i was so tired to the point that i almost black out quite a number of times.

they did some renovations and modifications. look different from the last time i went... which was last year! around beginning of last year. cuz ginie and i wanted to get into better shape for her wedding. so as the bridesmaid..... i teman-ed her. and gosh! it's been such a long long time since i've done any exercises whatsoever. i think if i start playing badminton again my hands will break off.

but yesterday was really fun la. it's a different kind of spending time together. ahaha. we'll do it again next week and the week after and the week after next. so yeaps. but dont think we'll go back to kiara hill. kiara hill is a little too hardcore for me. what more we went there during the last day of my exam. lack of sleep, brain tired, whatever u name it i had. hahahaha. so nonsense eh? so i guess we'll start at the tmn tun park, which in my opinion, is for beginners. then we'll slowly move on to the hardcore one next time. ahhaha.

on the way to kiara hill

he had choc in his mouth
if ur wondering. hahaha.

finally! we're there!

we look so fresh and clean. hahaha

victory! hopefully we lost a few pounds. hahaha!
the end of the trail

the park near my house
we went to tesco to get some tit bits. mamee and twisties. cuz i've been craving for mamee since forever. and guess what? they sell the small packet ones like by itself and not in the huge party packet.

the end of our exercising day

i know we should concentrate on exercising more than posing. but but but.... how can we call it exercise without exercising our mouths as well? hehe.

yay!

today marks the end of my misery days. somehow i dont feel the relieve. i've been waiting for this day to come ever since i-dont-know-when. sigh. i just came back from my last paper. had thinking skills today. everyone was saying that we didnt have time. for the english part, we had all the same questions as the exercises that she gave us. maybe like she jumbled up the answers or something. but it was the same. as i was doing the questions.... i was like shucks! why didnt i listen to the voice inside of me. cuz i kept feeling that i should read over the exercises she gave us. but nooooooo..... i didnt listen to it. actually i was too lazy la. so guess i gotta be responsible for my choices. cant blame anyone but myself

as for the math part..... some i could answer and one or two questions was from the exercises. the easy ones la. honestly, one hour is not enough to do this paper. i couldnt finish up my last 3 questions cuz firstly, it was too hard and lastly, we only had like 10-15 minutes left. maybe the reason why im not so relieved that my exams is over is mainly cuz i know i could have done better.

i was hearing reports from my friends that they've received some news from my lecturers cuz some of them has finished marking our papers. how efficient eh? i dont see them so efficient during classes. bahs. my english lecturer said some of the answers that she saw was irrelevant. it was out of context. as for my computing lecturer however... also said that she wanted to kill some of us. cuz of the silly, nonsense answers that we crapped out. i dont know what my accounts lecturer said but i know she marked all of our papers.

oh wells... now i cant cry over spilled milk. i guess now i gotta pray that God will prepare my heart for the worse ever results. my friends told me that i can at least get 4 A's. excluding my thinking skills. haha. because they know how badly i can do in my thinking skills. but i doubt it. i simply answer almost of all my papers except my accounts. cuz for my accounts i cant simply answer it. or else i would not be able to balance it.

tmr i have holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some ppl laugh that i have an exam on a public holiday. but at least i can have my replacement holiday tmr! wooo hoooo!!! yay yay yay! hahaha.. ahuh. this is so fake. how crappy can i be? okay... dont answer that. im seriously going crazy cuz of this exam. lalalala! take care peepz! have a wonderful public holiday as i will have mine tmr! *grin*

what happened?

how long does it take for one person to get bored of the other?

to what extent is too much?

when is it ever enough?

when do u go overboard?

trust?

why is there always good times and bad?

straight, smooth roads but sometimes bumpy, rocky, full of pot holes?

ups and downs?

it worked!

oh wow! my tears really worked! hahaha. i studied for the things that came out. or rather i revised. well.... the 2 topics that i studied for came out. and im glad! im happy! and guess what??? wonders of wonders................................................. I MANAGED TO BALANCE MY ACCOUNTS!!!!!!! *shock* goshhh!!! i can never ever ever balance my accounts. *ahem* actually i didnt get to balance in the beginning. i checked and checked on what i did wrong. then the facilitator or whatever u call them...said that we only had 1 minute left! 1 MINUTE! 60 SECONDS! GOSHHH!!!! but thank God at that time i manage to find out that i forgot to put in one amount. and that amount made me balance my accounts. i was so happy! aww mann! i wanted to shout and lift my hands and say praise God but obviously i cant. cuz im in the exam hall and they might deduct my marks for doing such crazy thing. but i jumped for joy in my heart... hahahaa.

when i was doing my paper.... from the moment i opened my paper.... my hands was shaking. even while i was doing my paper. my hands was shaking non stop. all the information from my head was waiting for the right moment to come out.

but later i found out that i did something wrong for my first question. sigh. first question is 20 marks and the second is 30 marks. so which one would i rather lose more points...? of course the first one right? if i had a choice, i wouldnt wanna lose any marks. but oh wells. sighhh.. at least i manage to balance my accounts! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

as for my math....... emmm.... no comments. i can only rejoice when i see my marks. cuz seriously. sigh. prayerfully God will use me to be a testimony. oh God! pls!

thank u very very much to those who have been praying for me. God knows how crazy i have been. hugs hugs hugs! =)

tears that fell like rain

tears flowed down when i was studying my accounts.. cuz nothing seems to be able to enter my mind. nothing that i read, nothing that i put my mind on even registers. and all i could do was cry and ask God to help me. i know it's a little silly when i should be studying instead of crying over something that i still have the time and power to change. but shouldnt i also acknowledge that i cant do it? that i dont have the strength to do it? that i should rely on God's power? i dont know what else to do but rely on God's wisdom and strength

little did i know... after crying for a while, i manage to memorize the accounts format and get some stuff in my head. hopefully and prayerfully it stays in there till tmr. when i need to "vomit" it out. then next is math. as i look at the tips that my lecturer gave which is quite a handful and as i look at the material that i need to study.... tears came again. inevitably. i could not stop it. because once again.... i dont know what the book was talking bout. i've done everything. but given the amount of time that i have, i doubt that i can study everything

i look at the tips and i look at my memory capacity and all i could find was a huge difference. how am i gonna stuff in accounts and maths on the same night? both of the subjects need formulas, need memorization. why are they so dumb to put 2 of this nonsense subjects together on the same day? why are they such inconsiderate bunch of ppl? sighhh. i should be doing everything else besides complain. im still proclaiming the verse over my life....

"My grace is sufficient for u. for My power is made perfect in ur weakness"
amen

exams

arghhhh... im halfway refreshing my memory and studying for my accounts exam tmr. i really should be studying.... but i cant get anything into my head. i have been having that problem since monday. i guess studying a day before the exam doesnt really help.... sighhh.. i really cant do this anymore. i have no idea how to do it and i cant even remember what i have done. this certainly shows how bad a student i am eh?

the thing is that i can do my class exercises. i can do all the silly homework she gives us. okay okay. maybe like most of it. other than that i ask my friend like how to do this and which part of the t,p,&l account or balance sheet should i put it in. and why isit this amount and so on so forth. but when it comes to the class test part..... i cant seem to do it. i cant seem to get the score that i want. i always get 60 something % and that is so not good. i want like 80 and above. i wanna get an A.

and my lecturer always complain. saying that there are students who copies answers from other people because they get all correct for their homework but they do badly in their test. and i was telling my friend that i dont copy! i do the homework myself..... but why cant i score well in my test??????????????? sighhhh... i cant do it...i cant study! help! and i use to think that i would like accounts. bahssss... no way mann!


"My grace is sufficient for u, for My power is made perfect in ur weakness"
i claim that right away! AMEN!

i cant wait for this week to end. seriously.... i cant wait *sob*

happy 10th month

wow... time certainly flies fast eh? in an blink of an eye.... 10 months have passed. *tsk tsk* tooo fast tooo fast. anyways, this will be a extremely short post. gotta get up early for computing exam tmr. sigh. pray for me! thanks =)

HAPPY 10 MONTHS BABY! =)

b l i s s

* danielle *
babies sleeping in ur arms feels like heaven. it's just an awesome feeling. this was on saturday then on sunday, ryan slept in my arms too. owhhh!!! how wonderful!!! hehe

i guess the reason that babies sleep easily when they are in my arms... cuz of all this.... but no worries. this is not the end. im starting my exercise routine with kevin starting thursday... which incidently is the last day of my exams! woo hooo!!! praise the Lord! cant wait for it to end. sighhhh... for now, it's a never ending headache. sigh

ms. read
delicious
(went with kev and jon)

once again... we forgot to take picture before we ate... but it was better than nothing right? simply to die for. recommended to go for it. really really yummy! hehe =) i cant tell which is the brownie and which is the classic choc cake... well, actually.... we ordered 2 plates of classic choc cake and brownie cake for me. cuz this smart person who i call my boyfriend said that he can finish one whole plate so i had to order my own. but actually he couldnt. sheesh. *tsk tsk*

we went to 1u with the intention for jon to get a car lock. it was suppose to be....

1u + jon, kev, me = car lock
but.....
(1u + jon, kev, me) - car lock = ms read delicious + added fats

f e a r

sometimes i wish i can answer
questions in life
questions such as
"will u get bored of me one day?"
"will u give up on me?"
but i dont know why...
im scared to make promises
promises which have a possibility that i cant fulfill

i dare not make any promises
or say something which i might not be able to do
i know by God's strength & love will i be able to accomplish it
but i dare not guarantee...
u know what i mean?

it's not that i dont love kevin as much as i say i do
i really do love kevin
but i dont know to what limit i can take
and to what extent

that's why i dont dare to say something which i might not be able to do
cuz i can say anything that i want now
i can say anything under the sun
but.... doing it is a different story all together
what if i cant accomplish it?
what if i cant do what i say?

all i can say is this....
i dont wanna give up
i dont wanna get bored of u
i dont wanna lose u
i dont wanna get to the point where i realize what i have till it's gone

by God's grace
by God's strength
by God's love
do i live day by day....

i want to begin and end with U

tonight has made me reminiscence of the nights where jon, u, & me would go out for a movie. has made me remember why did i choose u...

a person who can make me laugh one second & angry the next
a person who can make me frown one second & smile the next
a person who can make me sane one second & crazy the next
and the list go on
but most importantly....
a person who has the same plans for the future as me
and he is the person who i definitely wanna have a future with


i thank God for such an awesome & wonderful gift that He has given me. i could not ask for more =)

preparation for first sem exam

today i had my first "exam" in preparing me for next week. from today till thurs or friday... we're preparing for exams. i had accounts today. aww man. im seriously so depressed after the test.... u know why u know why? cuz i was such a genius.... i left all my work to do last night and all of em was due today. can u believe it?

so i began with the hardest question. cuz learning from other ppl's mistakes.... it is better to work ur way through from the toughest work to the easiest. that way.... when u reach the easier part, u'll breeze through it, right? right?. so i took their wonderful plan of action. i started at hmmmm... let's seee... 7 or 7 plus...? the toughest was thinking skills. i had 45 long-brain-exhausting questions. and guess how long it took me??? 3 freaking hours to finish 45 questions. faint faint faint. of course i took some resting time here and there. went to take a bath. had to rest my brains. if i dont rest my brains, i'll just simply answer the questions starting from question 18. and i dont want that, do i?

then after that i did my computing. filling up the blanks with the silliest answers i've ever seen. sigh. hopefully i get it right la. then i did that till bout 11? i took an hour or less with computing. then finally i got to stuff some accounts information into my brains. i cramped and cramped and cramped till my brains couldnt take it anymore. sigh.

so today classes started with thinking skills... only a few of us finished the questions and the lecturer was quite pissed off. i was pissed off tooo.. cuz then i wasted all my time last night doing all the questions when i could have studied more for my accounts. we were suppose to discuss it and have test tmr. but nooooooo....!!!! almost 20% finished, 70% didnt, 10% didnt turn up for class. in the end, we have to postpone the class test and each of us have to do 2 questions in front of the class. if it's the math questions, we have to show out the working and tell why we choose that answer. if it's the english questions, we have to explain why we choose the answer also la.

then maths came.... we learned bout boring-ol-logarithms. which i have no idea whatsoever bout it. all that i've learned in high school was to move and change it to log 10 and then back to the normal one. so me and another friend just sat there dumbfounded. but we came to the highlight of the day. tips to the exam next week! wooo hooo! yay yay! but it does sound really hard. we saw the referral exam cuz he thinks highly of us and doesnt expect anyone of us to fail. and some of the questions look pretty tough. and he kept saying "very easy one... very easy one..." yeah ahuh..

then next was accounts!!! oh noo!!! *attempted to run away* but where could i run to? the marks to this test is included in the finals. sheesh. *pouts* so i looked through the format once again. before i sat for the test. when i looked at the questions i was like what?? where do i put bad debts written off? do i add this to the original amount? which side is P&L? is this amount correct? can i balance it up? that's my greatest fear. if after doing all the calculations and it doesnt balance in the balance sheet.... serious headache. and guess what.....??? yeapssss... my nightmare came... i couldnt balance it. i tried to balance it but i had limited time. i only had 5 mins left. so what to do. tried my best to balance it.

after that, we were talking bout it... and i made so so so so many mistakes! there was one bout custom duties. and i tell u...... we have NEVER EVER done custom duties! cross my heart and hope to die. im serious! through this 4 months.... we have NEVER touched bout custom duties whatsoever..... and IT CAME OUT IN THE TEST!!! can u believe it?? she always does that.. always put stuff that we've never learned into the test. ughhh!!! feel like killing her!

so now i have 2 more test... computing and thinking skills... before the real exams come. sigh. well, aihhh.. dont know what to say la... feel like crying di

p o w e r of the tongue

was touched today during the sermon. aunty connie preached. im so used to calling her aunty connie that i feel weird calling her pastor connie. hehee. so yeaps =) anywaysss... she was talking bout making choices. to choose life.

choose life = love God

do u choose to see life?

many a times i choose to see life in a negative way. cant do this. cant do that. not good enough. everything is no no no..cant cant cant.. but never a i'll try. not to forget the amount of complain that will be constantly repeating in my mind. i have to tell myself that im not hopeless, i cannot give up, im smart if i want to.

however, u should ask urself whether the situation is changing u or are u still grumbling? what i've learnt through the years i've been in church... is that i shouldnt ask God to change the ppl around me, but i should ask Him to change me. i shouldnt look at the speck in other ppl's eyes first. rather i should look at the plank of wood in mine.

do u choose to speak life?

ho ho ho.... this is a pretty tough thing to do. i have to constantly remind myself to speak good to other ppl. it's so easy to call ppl names i.e idiot, stupid, nonsense, etc but to think of good words is a on-going battle in my mind. wah lauu.. sounds like im a mean and horrible person eh? haha. well, im still work in progress. sooooo... yeaps =) and also the power of the tongue.... it's so powerful that it could break or mend a person's heart. so use it wisely. ehehehe

do u choose to bring life?

will u say "aiyaaaa... that guy/girl ar?? no hope la no hope la. no matter what u do also cannot change one." or will u claim and believe that God has the power to change the hardest person one earth?

a small makan trip

hahaha.. today was a really fun day. i dont know why but everytime that i spent with kevin is never a dull moment. there'll be all sorts of stuff happening such as laughter, anger, frustration, shouting, singing, smiling, cheeky-ness, fights, and the list goes on. u know..... a mixture of emotions. hahha. well, yesterday we were planning what to do today. so we were thinking and thinking... having all sorts of nonsense ideas. in the end we decided to take a trip to klang for wan tan mee. how crazy was that huh? it turned out to be a small makan trip and a drive down memory lane.

* wan tan mee *
sighhh.. once again... we didnt take picture of the food. we were so hungry cuz the food took some time to come. so when the food came, we gobbled everything down. then we realized that we didnt take picture of the food. sheesh. it was good though. the wan tan's were soooo small and cuteee! oh myyy! hehee.

* laksa *
we had laksa after. taste abit weird though. not really used to it. again..as u can see..we forgot to take picture of the food. sheesh. wanted to bonk our heads. sigh

* egg tarts *
well, this we cant run away from. kevin bought it for my family cuz we just lurve egg tarts.





then off to the park to exercise off some of the food we ate...



* druggist *
look like those lala chai druggist right? hahaha



* look what we found?! *
so cool ehh? couldnt resist taking a picture =)

* digital mall *
havent been there before
this is one of the silly faces he makes everytime we take a picture. sighhh.. what to do.. my small baby boy =) hehehe

*cineleisure *
we had dinner in my house. safe some money abit la. then continued watching the prince and me. then off we went to cineleisure. they have some new shops, so we wanted to check it out. nothing much actually. so not happening. sheesh. but still many ppl goes there. bahs

we had so much fun today. from all the silly things that we did. laughed till my stomach hurt. took dozens of pictures. it was really fun getting to know bout kevin's past. bout where he stayed, which school he went to, the park that he and his uncle used to climb, etc etc. also a fun time to get to know each other. there's so much more to learn bout each other. hahaha.

THANK U DEAR FOR TAKING THE TROUBLE TO BRING ME TO BACK TO UR PAST! AND ALSO THE AMOUNT OF MONEY SPENT ON ME! THANK U SO SO MUCH! MUAHS MUAHS! I LOVE U =)

cg on the outside... baking

my group

we had to use hand instead of the machine cuz michie sayss.... that if we mix by hand, it'll taste nicer. now i know why. cuz after all the hard work of mixing (it's seriously tiring) of course it'll taste nice. cuz it's ur "sweat" and "blood"

* van, let, dele *

* cupcakes with icing *

* the whites of the day *

* luke luke *
notice all of us wore almost the same colors?
there's white, pink, and green ( claire! it's green! )

* the product *
we successfully baked without burning down the house. hahaa. seeeee... luke girls arent that bad after all.
p/s. i've never done this star thing. how jakun am i? haha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS!

the bday girl =)

she was trying to seduce me

the yummy-ness

yf easter party

finally... pics... but so sorry.. to lazy to put captions or comments. so just look at the pics la =) just wanted to update my blog =) hehee

* jamming *
we had an after party tooo... how cool are we eh? hahahahahahahahhaha!!!