im back from my trip!

im back! finally back! i've been gone for 3 days for a family trip in lumut. it was super super hot!!!! so was kinda glad staying in the room. but wasnt glad cuz didnt get to walk around and take pictures. not much pictures. the only pictures taken with me in it was the family pic. that's all. sighhhh. very saddening. and we cant go to pangkor cuz it was like human traffic. and the resort that we're staying in doesnt have a proper beach. they are like building man-made beach. soooooo.. it's not very niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! ughhh!! so the 2 nights we spent playing rummibikin or something like that.. some tiles with number game(super addicting&need loads of brains), monopoly, and watching movies. the first night we played monopoly and after that we watched longest yard. then the second night we had monopoly only. the rummibikin game... hehe. as mentioned before. it's VERY addicting. so we played every spare time we had. it was really really cool! but u cant play if ur tired or lazy to think cuz it requires alot of thinking. hehe.

so that's mostly what happened during the family trip. nothing much. it wasnt that fun la. i think this is the most boring family trip ever. no nice place to walk around. no photo taking. no swimming cuz the swimming pool was a, as my uncles&aunties call it, "washing machine" hahaha. didnt intend on swimming anyway. wanted to snorkel but as i mentioned.. it was like a human traffic going into pangkor. but im really happy to be back home. can sleep nicely and have a nice toilet. eventhough the toilet there is quite clean. but who would trade their own toilet for another ehh. ehhehe.

super hot weather!

ohh gosh!! the weather is sooo hottttt!!!! ughhhh!!! feel darn irritated man! oh yeahh.. i know that my last post was abit too much. esp. after reading a book where one sentence made me think. "why are we surprised when sinners sin." i guess i cant blame it all on the guys. i guess it's not their fault that they cant control themselves huh. cuz we are all sinners.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

i dont understand.. why is there such a discrimination between girls and guys? isit unladylike to go out at night? i dont even want to say "LATE" at night. cuz there's abit of difference there. why cant girls do whatever guys get to do. like go for trips or at least places at night without worrying whether we'll get raped the next second or get kidnapped or whatever. if it's not cuz of the man(now now.. im not saying EVERY man is like that) now a days who are unable to control their urges and desires. we girls, would be able to go out at anytime we want.

i find it so irritating.. so frustrating.. so geram-ted.. cuz i dont get to go out anytime i want. and wherever i want. i dont even want to think of comparing myself with my brother cuz i know what my parents answer will be. "oh... cuz he's a boy and ur a girl" i mean what the heck! it's not our fault that we are weaker than the guys. did we ask to be vulnerable? was it our wish to be like that??!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! i feel so exasperated!!!!!

*so sick*

gotta change my answering machine
now that im alone
cuz right now it says that we cant come to the phone
and i know it makes no sense
cuz u walked out the door
but its the only way i hear ur voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
it's been months
and for some reason i just
(cant get over us)
am stronger than this
(enough is enough)
no more walking round
with my head down
im so over being blue
crying over u

im so sick of love songs
so tired of tears
so down with wishing u were still here
said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow
so why cant i turn off the radio?

gotta fix the calendar i have
that's marked september 6th
cuz since there's no more u
there's no more anniversary
im so fed up with my thought of u
and ur memory
and how every song reminds me
of how what used to be

leave me alone
leave me alone
stupid love songs
dont make me think bout his smile
or having my first child
let if go
turn off the radio

this song is really how i feel now. sigh.

*changed a few of the lyrics.. to really express how i feel*

nothing much to blog bout

i havent been updating my blog cuz hmmmm. nothing much has happened to me. my life has been the same. let me run u through my daily routines...

1) wake up
2) get ready
3) drink honey with apple cider
4) go to school
5) force myself to study and concentrate
6) come back
7) change to shorts
8) watch tv
9) watch more tv
10) go online
11) eat dinner
12) watch tv
13) bath
14) do hw(those that i didnt manage to finish in school) (or maybe attempt to do it)
15) read book
16) sleep...

so that is like what i normally do during my weekdays. my weekends will be different of course. hahaha. so there's nothing much to update unless something major happened.

so yesterday for yf we went and pai kam. we have this thing every year since.....hmmmmmm... dont know when. lol. but yeah.. we'll go and bless the community with kam's or mandarin oranges. not gold okayyy.. hahaha. so anyway. yesterday was really different cuz we had very few packs to give out. and we didnt have the usual silver boxes which was really hard and heavy to hold(not like i had to carry it) ahhaha. for the last 2 years we had to put those boxes in like baskets and it either destroyed the boxes or emmmm.. yeahhh.. destroyed the boxes. hahaa. but this year we had those brown packets or doggie bags with handles. that's how u call it right. anyway... it was really easy to carry and give away. though it kinda look fragile.

and each car had like only 17 packs. so it was really really little. my team went back to church to get a few more. it was a fun day. had a GREAT weather and had a really great time with justina. laughing and creating all the crappy stuffs.

a simple sentence for today

- a crowned leader is no different in God's eyes than the humblest Christian who speaks to the Lord from their heart -

*everything to me*

when i feel down, i look to You
when i feel low, Your Word seems true
it's not by might or in my strength
but it's by Your spirit moving in my life
cuz God You are my life

i will praise You
Your everything to me
i live for You
Your the reason that i sing
i wont go back to the way i used to be
cuz i found You
Your everything to me

sometimes when i look down
and all i see is sinking sand
im thankful that it's You
the solid rock on which i stand

God! Your everything to me!!!!! =)

had to put an end to my dilemma

finally i had to put an end to my dilemma. i couldnt make a decision at all. seriously. like what my last post said....i really didnt want to make a decision. but yesterday i was asking my mum which should i choose. she said she wants me to get into college. but the thing that is stopping myself from deciding on a college is that i havent really completed my books. so im scared that the college wont accept me. but i dont have the peace to go on with my decision of finishing my books too. so i was stuck in between. and finally..i've decided that i should just finish my books. get my permanent records. and happily say that i've completed my high school.

sigh..i do hope i get to finish by the end of this month. and by the time i finish..or even before i finish i should know what i wanna do di. junior asked me today why i dont want to do photography. then i said that i heard that u need to write essay bout the pictures and all. and trust me. i really do hate writing essays. so anyway, he was like haiyoo. everything also need to do like that la. in other words, it reminded me of the saying, "nothing in life is easy". but im the kind of person who expects everything to be easy. and when it becomes hard...i normally give up. that's me. which i think it's really bad to have such attitude. ughhhh!!!

frustration...exasperation

im forced today once again to think bout whether i should continue finishing my books or go straight to college. i get loads of different advices from different ppl. some say that i should finish my books and some say i should go straight to college. i wanted to go to the education fair. and decide. then straight away register into a college. but the thing is i dont know whether the college will accept me cuz i didnt finish my school and blablabla(other possible reasons).

when i think that i should go back to school and finish up my books...i dont get the peace u know. like when u decide on something u'll get the peace and then u'll know that that's what God wants u to do. but i didnt get that peace. in fact, i feel more troubled. like i dont feel nice. bahsss! i dont want to think bout it anymore laaaa!!! arghhhhh!!! i feel so frustrated now man. esp. when i dont know which coll or which course to take.

pls pray for me la. aihhhh. maybe im not desiring for an answer wholeheartedly. maybe i dont really want an answer that's why it's not coming to me. arghhhhhhh!!! i dont want to think bout it. but im forced to decide. what if i dont want to decide so fast??!! cant i take my own sweet time? hmmm..maybe if i take my own sweet time, i might not come out with a solution. argh! dont know la. help me!!!!

FRIM....again

today i went to FRIM again. hahaha. it was quite fun this time. i told myself not to eat. reminded myself of what happened the last time. it was seriously not a nice feeling. so time i manage to walk a little bit faster and and and not puking!!! hahaha. and i think cuz this time i had more friends around. so it was quite fun. laugh alot too.

we went through the waterfall area. which was super scary but it was nice la. not as boring and long as the other way that we went the last time. and if u go anywhere with kevin..u will definitely be entertained. haha. by his antics. haha. at least we didnt call any younger ones. cuz then have be more responsible of more ppl man.

there were loads of mosquitoes in the parking area. cuz it rained last night. so im praying that i dont get any dengue. i smacked alot of aedes mosquitoes. hopefully it didnt get into my system. but today was a fun day of exercising! =) didnt regret going. i was actually regretting when i woke up this morning. but now...it's not so bad after all! =)

*do u believe in love?*

just one day
if i could hold u in my arms
close to my heart where u belong
love of my life u really are

do u believe in love?
and the promise that it brings
that u'll never grow apart
well that's what u said to me
why did u have to go?
we were inseparable

just one day
if i could touch ur face again
words cant describe how im feeling
if i could turn back the hands of time
id still be holding on wishes that u left
remember moments when there was nothing better than
a stroll in the park
ill never forget the times where we talk bout me and u
the things we do together forever

the words u said to me before u slipped away
are still with me till this very day
in everything i do to everything i say
u'll always be the sunshine of my life

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

oh my goshhh!!! it's 2006!! sooo fast man!!! i have to get used to sayin that im 18 this year. oh my gosh!!! i still can remember what happened "last" year jan. it still hasnt register in my mind that it's 2006. aww man. too fast! i guess i've got to use the word "last year" di. arghhhhh!!!!! but i guess life goes on. time doesnt wait for u.

i have got to pray that this year will be a great&wonderful year. a year where there are loads of important choices to be done. which im trying really hard to forget bout it and not think bout it yet. im too lazy to sit down and think bout it la. it makes me sad everytime i think bout the decisions that i have to make. hahaha

so anyway, im wishing all the ppl who's reading my blog a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! may God's blessings&favors pour down into ur lives!! love u guys! =)

stand up for ur decisions

have u ever gotten into a situation where u've made a decision but ur friends come and ask u to do or go somewhere else with them? like for instance.. my church have always made the new year's countdown as a tradition. and i was just talking to my mum this morning bout ppl who go to bukit bintang or any other celebration place to countdown with strangers. for me...i really think that new year's is pretty important. cuz it's like a new beginning. and it's special to me. so something special means celebrating it with either church ppl or close friends. so i decided that im gonna make sure i countdown every year in church. cuz there's where i want to be.

but then...at like 7 something. my friends started to call me. and ask me where im going and whether i would like to join them to either a party or to the curve for the countdown. my first answer was i cant cuz i need to go to church. and my friends they too have a church countdown and they are pretty strong Christians. but i dont know why they didnt attend their church countdown. i guess no one's perfect. so anyway... after hanging up. my mind starts thinking bout the decision i have made. whether going to church is better than counting down with my friends. so i was sms-ing with justina la. i was telling her that it's really not an easy decision and it's not easy to stand up for ur beliefs and decisions..but i guess this is where u have to learn to be different. and it's really not easy. seriously. esp. when u have ur close friends to celebrate with. so this is when u have to choose between God and friends. and im really glad that i chose God. i mean obviously i feel sad that i cant celebrate with my friends. but i guess u cant sit on the fence. u've got to choose between them.

i guess this is like learning ground la. im pretty sure there are more days to come where i have to choose between church services with my friends. it has been a part of my struggles and it still is. at least not as bad as last time. cuz now me and my friends are quite committed in church stuffs. so they'll understand. hehe. =) which is one thing in my life that i thank God for. friends that understands my commitments in church.