presentation that is due soon!

sigh. i have no idea where to start my ever so sad story. guess i'll start from the beginning of my then-unnoticed-problem?

well, i was put into a group without choice. i didnt get to choose the members of my group because like what i said earlier. i didnt have a group. sigh. another sad story. anyways, this is worse. so there is like 2 girls ( me and another girl ) and 3 other guys. alot of ppl in my group didnt do any research. only 1 or 2. but i didnt notice the problem then. but as time flew by oh-so-quickly, it was the week before chinese new year.

then my lecturer told us that we have to do our presentation the week after chinese new year. then did i feel the pressure. told my group that we really need to settle on a topic. then summarize it during cny. but noooooo.. none of us did the research. they wanted to meet for a discussion during cny but i couldnt cuz i had plans made. they sounded really disappointed at me. but heyyy... it was easy for them to meet up cuz they stay in the hostel and im the only one not staying there.

i showed them my research bout aneroxia but they didnt want it. they took my other group members topic. bout the religions view of homosexuals.

but we managed to meet up on tuesday i think. in the end, we didnt conclude with something serious. the only thing i remember was that im suppose to do the powerpoint because they didnt know how to do it. so okay... i took the job. i finished it on that day itself too. so the next day, we were suppose meet up. but cuz they are from botswana. the language course students were having some lunch for them to show them bout our chinese culture and cny and stuff. so fine... said we'll meet after. but one of them called and told me that we cant meet up for discussion cuz they dont know what time the lunch would end.

so fine then... i'll go home and start my revision for the horrible exam today. when i was going home, she called me and say their lunch has ended and asked whether we can meet up.

"cant cuz im already on the way home and i gotta study for my exam tmr"
"ahh. no we must meet up today"
(estee thinks... wah lau.. u think what? im very free ar?)
"okay.. i'll see whether i can go back"

so i told them i can go back cuz i can have the car. so i drove to college. circled for bout 30 mins. still no parking space. what to do. that time was like 2 something. how to find parking??? arent ppl still having lunch or whatever? so i called her

"sorry. i really cant find parking space la. can we meet another day?"
"what? that's not a reason"
"but really.. i've been going round for 30 mins and i cant find parking"
"no. u cant. u cant say that. u made us miss the bus. and now u say u cant find parking?"
"then what do u want me to do? i cant find parking!" (getting agitated)
"are u really outside of college?"
"yes!" (thinking what kinda stupid question is that)
"then i come out and get the paper"
"what paper?"
"the paper that u typed"
"it's in my thumbdrive" (besides she has one handwritten di. what for she wants the typed one?)
"ahhh.. okay then....."
blablabla. dont know what nonsense she's talking cuz i was really angry at that time
"i was thinking that we do the research for other religions"
"u want us to do the research?!"
"no i said WE!"
"and how are u going to do?"
"emmm, i have a computer at home?" (like duh!)
"oh alright"

at 10 something at night.. she called..
"hello esther. have u done the research?"
"noo.. im studying for my exam tmr."
"ahhh. esther. but u said u are going to do the research"
(estee thinks " wah lauuu!! me???? how dare she?? it's suppose to be everyone researching")
"why? u? have u done the research?"
"no i dont have a computer"

WHAT THE HECK??????????????????????? BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE U REVENGING?????????? U TRYING TO GIVE ME A NONSENSE STATEMENT AR? I KNOW I KNOW. ME SAYING THAT I CANT FIND A PARKING IS ABIT STUPID. BUT IT'S REAL. AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO BOUT IT. BUT U??!!! NO COMPUTER???!!! WAHHHHH!!!! *boiling inside*

"okay okay. i'll do the research"

today... in class... they approached me..
"what happened yesterday?"
"i couldnt find parking"
"ahhh. it's okay. it's the past. forget bout the past and focus on the future. so what's the future? when are we meeting?"
"i dont know. ask shatani (the idiotic girl)"

another one came after a while...
"what kind of reason was it yesterday?"
"what?"
"are u lying?"
"nooo why would i lie bout such thing?"
"are u sure u go to church?"
*cleans ear and hope that i heared wrongly*
"what?"
"are u sure u go to church? are u a christian? i dont think u go to church. cuz u are lying. how can u lie? im sure u were lying down on ur bed saying that u cant meet"

WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *boiling boiling. steam coming out from my ears* DONT PUSH MY LIMITS DUDE! U GUYS CAN GO AROUND AND LAUGH BOUT MY REASON YESTERDAY. AND THAT'S THE LIMIT. BUT NOW I CANT TAKE THIS! SAYING THAT IM LYING THAT IM A CHRISTIAN? SAYING THAT I DONT GO TO CHURCH? CALLING ME A LIAR!!!! FUIHH DUDE!!! U'VE REACHED MY LIMIT!!!! U'VE OVER STEP THE BORDER

i was sitting there looking at him. i just shut up and stare at him. then my friend talked to me and i didnt reply anything whatsoever from then on. i just sat there. trying to fight the tears from coming. thoughts racing in my mind. smsing kevin. telling him to just kill me. and for them to say that they are christians are seriously bullshit! i cant take this anymore!

shatani, the other girl from my group. is showing effort la. wants to meet up and all. she did the research thing and summarized the article. she passed some to the guys to summarize. but they came back with nothing but blank pieces of paper.

me, slides. research bout other religion. add some to the summary

the other 3 guys....?????
what bout the other 3 guys????
are they doing anything????
nooooooooooooooooooooooooo...!

so what now????
nothing
nothing but speechless

they are really unlovable
oh God pls give me Your love
i know that You put me in that group for some reason
whatever crazy reason
pls oh God
pls!!!!
i beg of You
get me out of this!!!

the ppl from botswana.....
no comments
only a few of them can be really good friends with

why cant i find friends like i had during my high school time? life then was so nice. easy to mix around with friends. no complications whatsoever. no major differences of character. everyone accepted each other's weaknesses. nobody said mean things to hurt each other. things were settled nicely.

but now???????? seeee...!!! one of the most important reasons why i didnt wanna go to college. to face such things.

God! pls give me a mouth full of praise! pls help me not to complain! let my words and thoughts worship and praise U oh God! i know U wont let me go through this alone

am i really that bad a person? that bad that no one wants to be my friend?