h a t e

i hate it when i have tons of stuff to say in my mind...
but it can never find a way out of my mouth
i hate it when i draw my own conclusions
i hate it when i think excessively
i hate it when i exaggerate things
i hate it when i dont trust the person i should trust

i hate it when i have my own whirlwind in my mind
i hate it when i dont express how i really feel
i hate it when i hurt ppl...
esp the ones that i love alot
i hate it when i am not myself

i hate it when the evil me comes out
i hate it when i am not who i want to be
i hate it when i am unlovable
i hate it when i dont see myself through God's eyes
i hate it when i dont feel secure
i hate it when i have low self-esteem


there are many times that i hate it when i cant say the things that goes on in my mind. it's like there's alot of stuff... alot of conflict happening in my mind. but i can never seem to get it out and form it into words.

there's a ton of things that i wish i can say,
wish i can express it out,
wish i can elaborate bout.
i wish i can come up with a solution to a problem
i wish i can tell one what i want one to do
how i want one to react
how i want one to reassure me

a question was posted to me today
why cant i trust one?
i asked myself that tooo....
why?
w h y?
i couldnt come up with an answer
the only valid answer i could come up with was

* trust must be gain *

trust doesnt come whenever i want it to come
doesnt come in a blink of an eye
even though i wish it would
that'll save a ton of heartaches and hurt
misunderstandings and arguments


a dozen thoughts rushes in my mind
but no answer i could find
no words i could formulate
my heart could only generate hate

questions buzzes in my thoughts
battles in me, i fought
wishing that these foolishness would stop
hoping that love is all i got

will our hearts one day die down?
will our smiles turn into a frown?
i pray that it will never happen
that day by day our love will deepen