......

no one is there
pushed to the edge
depressing thoughts fills my mind
tears streams down my face
people who i think cares for me
feels so far away
God feels so far away
nobody to turn to

nobody to run to
no shoulder to cry on
nobody to hug me to comfort
whatever i do or say
is wrong no matter what
locked up in my own world
waiting for someone to rescue me

everywhere i go
i see happy faces
filled with smiles and laughters
happiness and joy
but for me
its the direct opposite

i may look happy
but u wouldnt know that deep down
im hurting
i tried to cover it up
with smiles and laughter
but when im all alone
tears and sadness is all i see

people can advice me
tell me what i need to hear
telling me that God is here
but at the end of the day
im still lost in my own world
no matter how loud i shout
nobody hears
i just hate myself

i wonder if there's people out there like me
i wonder if people who's reading this understands
i dont expect people to understand
i dont even want a comment
i think most of the time i've been finding for worldly joy
that's why it lasts for few minutes
or maybe a split second

i feel like a hypocrite
i tell people what i learn
but i myself dont do it
i myself dont turn to God
i myself try to solve things on my own
i myself know the answers
i myself choose not to do it

i have dreams of doing things in church
but it all ends up just as a dream
i just feel like stopping whatever im doing
let me just be a seat warmer