trying to forget but cant

im really really trying really really really hard to forget bout him. but i dunno why.. everywhere i go or whatever i do, reminds me of him. its surely once everyday. something will happen to remind me of him. i wonder why. ugh! i was and am chatting with eden bout this. and she agreed with me. i think this happens to everyone huh. i mean there are times where i can be free and totally happy that im single.. but there are also time where i keep thinking bout him and being sad cuz he has changed SOO SOO much till i dont even know who is he anymore. sometimes i cant even believe that i even thought of having a future with him. i really thought there was a possibility. its like a part of my heart is like being negative saying that it'll never happen. but most of my heart is like being all positive and stuff thinking that we both can a future together and everything. well, we all dont know what the future brings. maybe God is like changing him to become my dream guy or maybe changing someone else to be my dream guy. i dunno what God is doing. all i can do now is trust in God believing Him to bring me a great guy who will treat me like a lady and respect me and u know being my "dream guy". haha. sometimes i really wish that God would like show me my future in a dream so that at least i know something bout my future. cuz i worry too much. but i learned something. for what u wanna spend ur time worrying when u can do something better with ur "worrying-time". im trying to put that into practice. kinda hard though. saying is easy but doing is really really tough. sometimes i look around me. i feel like my friends life is all planned out. like they know what is their purpose here, what are they gonna do next time, and so on. and when i look at myself. aw man. *decides not to look anymore* sometimes i hate myself for living life aimlessly. actually, most of the time i hate myself cuz sometimes i just feel like im not being loved. like even my mum dont even trust me thinking that ill do something naughty or whatever. i feel so sad that she doesnt even trust me.


sometimes i feel what is the purpose im here. i mean its easy to answer "text-book answers" like ohhh we're here for one purpose God! God! and everything also God. i dont mean to sound anti-spiritual here. on sunday. when we had our timbrel meeting. aunt see wei brought up a few questions and it was so easy for us to say "of course we're dancing for God. who else would we dance for" and everything. but we really have to look down in ourselves and ask ourselves. think properly. dont just answer some typical answers. i dunno whether u understand what im saying. maybe u might take it in a different way. i dont know. life is so unpredictable. u may have a great time for a period of time, then suddenly everything ends and goes out of plan. i guess things happens for a reason. maybe one day when im older and "matured", ill understand why i had to go through that problem or struggle. when i overcome problems, surely one of my friends will come up to me and tell me the problem he/she is going through. i was like woah! such a coincidence. okay okay. its not a coincidence. its God's planning. in Romans 8:28 - everything happens for the good of the ppl He loves. there is another verse which i cant remember now. since my Bible is not at home, its at school. ill post it when i take back my Bible. i really love that verse and i even shared it when i was giving my testimony. its something like God brings u to a problem and He is the God of comfort who comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others that is like going through the same thing u know. i feel its really really true. cuz it comes through everytime i overcome a problem. hehe. anyway, i think i better go and sleep. get my beauty sleep. hehe. lolz. have a blessed week ppl! and thanks for reading! *winkz*