-thoughts-

i've been thinking alot lately. thoughts which i should let go. which doesnt help. cuz at night i dream dreams that make me feel sooooo grrrr.. its unexplainable. i know deep down in my heart. i dont want to let go. cuz i can see the way i worship God, my mind will slowly wonder and think and think bout possibilities, chance, wishes, dreams. which is really really bad. im really trying to put God first. but i dunno why i cant. argh! sometimes i really wish that my wishes and dreams will come true. but i dunno. all i can do now is to put my dreams, hopes, and plans into God's hands. which im also learning to do. sighhh.. life is just a cycle of learning. u can never stop learning. each day is a real lesson to me.

today i've realized how much my parents love me. not to say that i've NEVER realized in my whole 16 years. but on tuesday night, i told my parents that ill be back at like around 11. but i didnt have transport and all. loads of complications. and when i called my dad to come and pick me up. he really did. and that time was around 11.50 like that. and he sent my friends home too. i was really really amazed. and today when i called my mum to tell her that im going out. and to ask her whether she can fetch me after work. and she didnt even scold me that im going out everyday. but she just said that i have 101 things to do huh. i was like yeah.. hehe.. and she was like okay ill fetch u after my work since i need to drop by there for a while. but im just really thankful cuz remembering all my other friends. they are not sooo FREE like me. cuz i always go out from morning till late at night. and going out the next morning again. and they didnt make a single complain. im just really thankful. but u know. sometimes when there are misunderstandings and slight fights at home. obviously u'll be like "why God why???" but besides all of this. i really really thank God with all my heart for putting me in this family. i mean each family has their ups and downs. since nobody is perfect. but overall. its good. remember. lilo & stitch. ohana means family. it really brings me to realize how important is family even though there are good times and BAD BAD times. =)

to andrew.. thanks for insulting my spelling

yes andrew. i know my spelling is wrong. dont have to rub it in my face. i said already that i dunno how to spell it. see what kind of cousin i have. sighhhhh. haha. what did i do to deserve this??!!! nahhh. just joking. hehe. he's been a great cousin! horrrrrrrr.. lolz.. *hint hint* actually, there's nothing for me to hint. just saying that for fun cuz last time we all used to say that. oh and andrew, dont u miss us pinching u? too bad our president has left us. nevermind one day we can convince her and touch her life to get her back to church. hehe

so tired.....

im sooooo tiredddd. cuz yesterday i had to wake up before 8 cuz we were going tracting. we tract until like around 11. then we went to 3k for badminton. so on the way there i said i was VERY hungry then andrew and jon was like.. cannot esther! u and take it! burn all ur fats! exercise. and thanks to them at night i had indigestion. felt so pain okay. and uncomfortable of course. arghhh! but playing badminton was fun. kevin and jon made me run and run and run to get the shatercock.. is that how u spell it? hahaha.. lolz. dunno lerh. so anyway, after that we were suppose to go and watch a movie and shop. but in the end jon was too tired. so we decided to change it to another day. so as usual we went to just's house and talk and talk and laugh and laugh. haha. so after that we went back home.

today i have nothing to do. andrew asked me to go out lunch with him, delz, and chia hui to know chia hui better and to share share abit. but i cant!!! im too young for that!!! im scared. heheh.. lolz. so anyway, ill be watching SMALLVILLE!!! yay!!! isnt good?! im staying home the whole day for once during my holz. my bro was complaining di. hehe. anyway, my right hand is aching cuz played too much badminton. and it hasnt heal yet from camp. cuz we played this game.. where the guys had to play basketball.. shoot hoops. and the girls are the best! we had pillows to whack them to stop them from shooting hoops.. so after that the guys face and everywhere was pain and the girls hands was tired and painful. hehehe.

- h A p P i N e S s A g A i N -

hmmmm... abit the lazy to talk bout camp di. cuz u know. the stuff that im gonna say bout it is obvious. like ITS AN EXTRAORDINARY CAMP! IT WAS GREAT! IT WAS FUN! THE TOILET WASNT THAT GREAT! MISS MY HOME! THE TALKS WAS GREAT! GOD CHANGED LIVES! and everything else. so im gonna talk bout the present now. i've been feeling really down lately cuz of things that's happening. but oh well. its part of life. learning the things u need in life.

i had a great DMC session with andrew and delz today. luckily delz was there to help me answer. cuz at first i was a lil uncomfortable bout delz going out with us for the DMC but after that everything was well. sorry if ur reading this now and feeling like HMPH! hehe. everything has been settled bout my feelings and the situation im in. but of course healing takes time. recovering takes time. nevermind! ill help just to break her window and she'll help me to break and tear down my sliding door. as andrew said. if i can forget bout "IT" so fast, that means the feeling for "IT" wasnt real. im learning how to put God first and of course i have some solutions to it given by andrew and delz. im really thankful for these 2 ppl. really couldnt have gone through this happily if i didnt decided to have the DMC today. im really thankful.

am back from camp!!!! =)

although a part of me misses camp. but the other part of me is sooooo happy that im back home! with my nice and comfortable bed and most importantly AIR COND!!!! i wanted to write this yesterday. but there was something wrong with my electricity. it keeps tripping. but oh well. anyway, camp was GREAT!!!! we all made our decisions the whole camp. the camp was great! those ppl who back-slided and who were really dry in God came back. saw visions. made decisions. but of course after the camp. everyone had to face reality, face the world. cuz in camp we shut out the world and just concentrate in God and the ppl who are in camp with u. anyway, ill come back and continue later. now is not the time to write

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! im back!!! im back after getting a fresh touch/encounter with God... i went for the Planet Shakers conference from the 1st-3rd of Dec! it was superb. and this time there were more crazy and hyper Christians who is willing to travel for miles to come for the conference or even the night rally. so i shall start babbling now bout my experience in the conference and night rally. and i manage to talk and talk and go crazy with nigel again. its been a long time since me and eden has seen him.

for the first day of the conference. we didnt have any sessions. they just started with the night rally. which was really great too! but i didnt really feel the presence of God.... yet! cuz i wasnt ready. to tell u the truth, actually i went there with no purpose at all. i just signed up for the conference cuz my friends told me to. so anyway, i just went there with my friends and just praised and worship and all. then came the talk. OH NO! i forgot their names. but oh well. its God that matters anyway. the pastor was preaching and telling us to set a goal or a purpose for this conference. come expecting for something. dont just come for the conference blindly. and i was like yeahhh! i should do that huh. so we had a great time and all. and i went back at like 1 something and slept at 2 cuz i was talking and talking to carene. and i had a GREAT time on the way back.. cuz SOMEONE was driving me home. so happy.

second day - it was really really a struggle for me to get up at like 6.30 to bath and everything cuz the conference is at 9. and we have to go to pyramid.. the place where we have to pass loads and loads of jam. so we when we reached there... we didnt know that there were praise and worship. so we lepaked outside for a while. then the crew was like what are u guys doing here??? ur suppose to be inside. and we're like OHH NOOO!! hahaha.. so we missed the woship for the first session. but oh well.. the talks was really really great! the praise and worship is like FUIYOHH! u can really really feel the goosebumps man. esp when u stop for a while and take a look around to see the ppl of God all fired up. praising and worshipping Him. lifting up their hands and all. it was so great!

third day - my oh my were we all tired. but at least we made it early and managed to get good seats and manage to be there on time before they open the doors to let all the crazy and hyped up ppl in. ahha. and we went for one session with pastor christopher loong/long or whatever... that's he's word. WHATEVER! haha.. he's sooo soo funny.. managed to wake us up and all.. making fun of ppl. insulting ppl. lolz.. but the night rally was THAT great.. for me and eden. cuz we were all soooo tired. so sleepy. but during the ending. we had another praise. we jumped with all our might cuz that was the last time we're gonna be able to go crazy with dunno how many thousands of ppl. well, until next year at least. i feel so great on the last day that i didnt want it to end. although we were all tired and stuff.. we didnt want it to end cuz its just so great to just bask in God presence in His wonderful and mighty presence. u know, i came to this conference without knowing a single song they are singing. only like 1 or 2 songs that i know. isnt that sad. but oh well. so anyway, on the last day! i can practically memorize all the songs and sing it to u. cuz they sang the songs over and over again. haha.

this conference was really really great! i woke up this morning. missing the conference. missing the sessions. missing the talks. missing the great time i had with my gang. missing every single second of it! missing the breaks we had. missing the lunch break. missing the LONG LONG break before the night rally. missing the praise and worship. this time when they came. we had MORE ppl than the beginning of the year. imagine the first night we just had the normal place. but the second night they had to open it bigger. and it was packed! IMAGINE THE LAST NIGHT! IMAGINE THE PPL OF GOD WHO IS WILLING TO TRAVEL MILES AND MILES JUST TO COME! my oh my. it was really really great! so it wasnt a waste of my time or even my money.

*misses*

sometimes i wonder if i am taken for granted and whether i am easily bullied. like seriously. i feel so irritated, so frustrated, so arghhhhhhhhhh! if i am who i was last time. u make me feel irritated lil bit. ur so gonna kena adi. but now. i dunno why but im starting to be "nice". hahaha. not to be perasan or anything. but i feel that i've change and hopefully for the better. its like now i cant seem to be as "garang" as last time. maybe i am influenced by my dear eden. i just cant seem to let out all my anger adi. which is (i think) quite bad. cuz i know one day im so gonna let out all my anger. now a days i've been kepping all my frustration, my anger, my irritation, my frustration inside. whenever i get a chance to think of what i've been through or going through. i will think and like say to myself "kay. later when i see the person. im gonna scold the person and let out all i feel." but when i see the person, i just cant seem to do what i've made up in my mind. sometimes im so frustrated in life that i really wonder whether i am loved and whether there's someone out there who cares bout me. but oh well

someone! help me! teach me how to work this blog. haha. i dunno anything else besides blog. argh! aihhh. but fortunately. today during service. the pastor was saying. do unto others what u want them to do unto u. so i just need to live by that scripture. and of course there's this other verse saying repay not evil by evil but repay evil by good. or something like that. hehe. so i guess that is what that makes me what i am today. u know not like last time. but well, ppl change. like me and my gang. we have all changed. of course for the better. its like when we step back and look at how different we are now. its really unbelievable. okay okay. i shall stop saying this again. haha. anywayz, i am done saying what i feel now. *cheers*

happiness taken away in a blink of an eye

sometimes i do not understand why life can bring u up one minute and in a blink of an eye... u'll feel like u have been kicked down from cloud 9 to the hardest and most painful feeling in the world... but thank goodness for family and friends who are there to cheer u up and to understand ur feelings at this moment... u dont feel like a flower quickly fading, or ur here today and gone tomorrow, or a wave tossed in the ocean, or a vapor in the wind... but instead u can rejoice in the Lord and think of good good stuff instead of making urself worse huh... but sometimes i dunno why... u can just be SO DARN HAPPY in a minute... then before u can take it all in... something will just come ur way and make u feel the downest u can ever feel... i just dont understand why.. aihh... why? why? why? or isit my decision that makes me feel that way? if i didnt choose to be there at that moment.. if i didnt choose to think and feel this way... i wont be feeling this horrible right now... right? but oh well... all i know is that God i musnt blame God for this... cuz i know He will always be there for me... not taking His eyes away from me... i agree with what justina post in her blog... she said that all this while... we have grown up believing that there will be a happily ever after, a knight in shining armor, a ROMANTIC fairytale... but after all the things that i have gone through... reality has finally slapped me in the face... all this things that i've grown up with... all the things that i've seen in romance shows... is NEVER NEVER EVER EVER gonna happen in real life... unless u and ur partner are pretending larh... otherwise... there is no such thing... so i shall cast all my cares on God... and let Him just take over my life... my decisions... my everything.. i really hope to learn how to just let go of everything.. and just let HIM *the wonderful father up there* control everything... hmmmm... maybe that should be my question for camp huh... set my goal for camp... great goal!!! ahhhh... thanks God!

thinking too much!

friends say im thinking too much and making simple things seem complicated... oh well... its just me... my brains cant stop thinking.. *boo hoo* so anyway... yesterday i had my rehearsal... I SAW ANGELOOOOOOOO!!! and i talked to him... and he answered and he remembered me... sooo cute... but he was darn shy... i wonder whyyyy... hehehe... but stilll soooo cute... weeeeeeeeeeeee! hehehe... yesterday was fun... but everytime after a performance we have to rush to change clothes... man oh man... rush here and there... wish i didnt take part in so many things... hehhe.. but it was fun.. lolz... hrmmmm... someone looked so good yesterday.. so smart and leng chai man... ahaha.. even kor also said he was handsome... horrrrrrrrrrrr... heheh... sooo funny larhhh... lolz... i didnt know he was that siao... haha... have u ever wondered that u can chat with someone so much on msn but u cant talk to much face to face... isnt it weird? its like sudenly there's an awkwardness... weird huh... hehe... lolz... but i guess different ppl go through things differently... and it was amazing that yesterday andrew didnt insult me... for once he complimented me... or maybe he did that to make me get out of the toilet so that we can dance our 80's dance... hmmmmmmmmmm... oh well... dont care... at least he didnt insult me... lolz... so anyway... after yesterday i was too lazy to go to school today... so i declared my OWN holidayz... hehe... and later im gonna go eat indian food with carene... at last she can go and eat... if not every second i will hear her say that she wants to eat indian food on banana leaf... haha... lolz... so have a nice day! hehe... tata =)

-you will never walk alone-

along life's road
there will be sunshine and rain
roses and torns, laughter and pain
and cross the miles
you will face mountains so steep
deserts so long and valleys so deep
sometimes the journeys gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want you to remember
i want you to know

chorus:
you will never walk alone
as long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
you may feel you're far from home
but home is where He is
and he'll be there down every road
you will never walk alone

the path will wind
and you will find wonders and fears
labors of love and a few faliing tears
across the years
there will be some twists and turns
somestimes the journeys gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want you to remember where ever you may go

chorus:
you will never walk alone
as long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
you may feel you're far from home
but home is where He is
and He'll be there down every road
you will never walk alone

Jesus knows your joy, Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully

*wishes & dreams... love and misses*

aihhh... its sooo tiring to clean up the new house and mop and all.. well, at least now its cleaner than last time... i want to shop!!!! but cant!!!!! no money!!!! =( sooo sadd... aihhhh... this few days is all thoughts and thoughts and thoughts and nothing but thoughts... and when i tell ppl bout it.. i feel they are no help at all.. cuz they'll say... "wahhh... such a coincidence..." "it's a sign"... my goodness... aihhh.. i really hope that person is feeling the same way as me.. like u know... love me back... holidays is such a drag... at least in school.. if im confused or having bad feelings.. as least i get to see him.. but now.. i dont at all.. and eden!!!! she's in leadership camp!!!!! until saturday somemore.. my goodness... aihhh... this is sadness mannn... somemore she wont be around for me to sms and chat with to.. to tell my feelings.. aihhh.. sooo sad...

just now i was watching this part in a movie... when this therapist was walking to her car... then suddenly a guy came up to her and pull her to the stairs and raped her.. my goodness.. when i was watching that part.. i was seriously sooo scared and traumatised by how bad the world can become.. and how cruel the world has become.. i remember telling my brother when we were watching csi... i told him that i dont want to be a girl anymore... cuz after seeing what girls have been treated in this world... really really scares me... but all this ends up to the song called.. u will never walk alone by point of grace... that song really stayed in my mind everytime im scared of the dark or after i watch a scary csi.. that song really brings me from my scary state of mind into a total inner peace.. cuz knowing that God and His angels are beside me.. taking care of me.. and protecting me of any evil thing in this world... every night i pray that God will just protect my family from any evil spirit or evil deeds from this world..

God heal me

im not THAT sick.. but u know if u got a lil cough and sometimes feel like puking and have a lil flu sometimes... i will consider it as sick... cuz for someone who havent been sick for a long long time.. i feel like dying now.. lolz.. nahh, just joking.. of course i wont feel like dying.. such crap... anywayz, its sooo early and im starting to crap adi.. but oh well... cuz guess what guess what.. im gonna go out in like soon.. haha.. lolz... to watch SHARK TALE!!!!!!!!! and maybe white chicks too! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppp!!!!!!!! with my crazy bunch of friends again... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!

its been a long time since i've posted or ermmm.. crap here... cuz i was really really busy in school u know practicing for award's night.. dancing dancing none stop... which sometimes its way better than singing.. cuz i cant stand for long and stand straight somemore kay... if we can move around then kay larh.. but if u want me to stand straight and sing.. no way mann... haha.. so whenever i come back.. im just too lazy to write write write.. ill just come and chat and maybe play a lil pool u know get back some of my points from jeremy wong... and after chatting and playing and bathing and eating dinner.. i will feel so sick again and ill just go to sleep and not blog or do anything else... lolz... so that explains why its been a long time since i've blogged...

and yesterday the S.O.R ppl came... AND OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!! we had to dance in front of them.. which i thought was so embarassing.. and somemore that time i felt like puking really badly... my goodness.. imagine the embarassment.. haha.. lolz... but oh well.. who the heck is looking at me... anywayZ, I SAW... guess who guess whoo... ANGELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... the cutie boy boy boy boy boy.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! sooo cuteeee... but he looks skinnier adi.. i think starting to loose his baby fats... awww mannn... WHY OH WHYYYYY???!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR... *roar* ahahaha... lolz... nahhh... he's still so cute... i wonder if he still remember me anot... aihhhh... lolz

so anywayz, i guess i better stop crapping.. hrrrmmm.. actually i've noticed that i've never crap inside this blog huh... for the first time i've written such serious things!!! wooo hooo!!! guess i should celebrate celebrate celebrate... hahaha... lolz.. kay kay... shall go now shall go now.. tata...

help!

help!! this is sooo complicating.. i dont know how to operate blogspot besides posting.. so can anyone teach me???? sighhhh.. i dont really feeel like posting anything cuz nothing much is happening... everything is simple... simple simple simple... trying really really hard to think bout simple things and not making myself so confused over things.. and hurting my own feelings... sighhhhh... somemore this few days quite busy for awards night.. lazy to do school work adi... have to have dance practice which is alot of fun... really... hehe... i think this is the first time i dance hip hop and the 80's dance.. lolz.. quite fun and learned alot... hehe... anyway, have to go and do my work di... sighhh.. since i didnt do much work in school...

life...

sometimes life can just all of a sudden go up or go down... like either way way way up or way way way down... and sometimes God just want to test u or maybe its a spiritual warfare... but just remember to cast all ur problems, ups or downs to God... cuz He says to cast all our cares on Him... i've just learned a really important lesson today.. its that.. do not let ppl put u down cuz of ur youth... different people does different things and sees things in different ways.. and i've learned to lend a listening ear to my friends... sometimes friends can make u so disappointed and all... but remember our greatest friend up there is waiting for us to talk to Him... and He'll always be there for u to listen 24/7 and even in the middle of the night... u can just talk to Him and He'll listen to u.. i feel really glad to have God in my life and to have Him beside me every single time cuz i know if my friends are too busy for me... i know He will be there for me...

the world cant bring us true happiness and joy... only God above can... neglecting God is really the biggest regret in ur life... cuz God deserves every single second of our time... do not let ppl's word discourage u or even put u down.. 1 Timothy 4:12 - "Don't let anyone look down on u because u are young, but set and example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." as long as ur doing something good for God or whatever ur doing is glorifying God, u dont have to feel down and all... cuz ppl on earth is still normal homo sapiens and they are not perfect... truly in my year's of homeschooling in a Christian center has really taught me alot of important lessons in life... in what to do, in what to say, in what to react... i really want to glorify God for changing me and my bunch of friends to be a better person in Christ... truly God can do many mighty and wonderous things... i will always remember this verse in Romans 8:28... it says that "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

patience... you will NEVER walk alone...

yesterday.. i heard twice that God wont leave me alone... i mean like during devotion... suddenly the teacher said God wont just leave u alone to everyone.. and the other time was at prayer meeting.. when suddenly teck meng said that God will never leave u alone... and all... i was like... WOAH! so totally shock! cuz recently i kinda felt like God is leaving me alone.. like He's not here with me to go through this feeling im having.. but after yesterday.. im determined that God wont just leave me alone to go through this thing but instead He is carrying me in His arms.. like the story of the footprints...

last night when teck meng was talking to jon ong, samuel, and chanelle... he said that they were way better than us... in sense of what they are doing... that made me really think bout the first time i came to that school and all... seriously... come to think bout it... we have really change together for the better... its like we were soooooooooooooo naughty last time... like words cant even describe what we did... hehe... lolz... then now, after 4 years... i think... haha.. we have really changed... each one of us has really change for the better and even stronger in the Lord together than last time...

that's why when we start to think of leaving the center next year... and going to our separate ways... it is sooooo saddening... its like next time we have our own separate friends... and our own directions to go to... but at least we all had memories together.. u know how we got so close together is really mind boggling... its like after like 1 or 2 years... we have just suddenly gotten closer and really appreciate each other alot alot... i really thank God for giving me such friends who is able to encourage me in my Christian walk and also to be a really good friend to me at the same time...

aww mann

what is this man.. yesterday i wrote so many things in my blog... sighhhh... now i dont even know what i wrote adi... aiyahhh.. lazy to write again... sooo crappy mann... hehe... lolz... sighhh.. today is such a boring day.. all thanks to mister peacock lala... when i called him, he was like so boring... such a boring day... and singing and crapping around... now... i feel sooo bored... that horrible mr. ang arrr... grrrr... cant wait to go out tomorrow!!! hehe.. cant wait cant wait cant wait cant wait cant wait.. weeeeeeeeeeee... lala.. cuz its been a long time since i've gone out with the whole bunch of my friends... hehe...

signs?! -wonders-

aww mann.. i thought my wondering days are over... but its still somewhere in my brain or heart... sighhh... but at least i got some excitement in my life ehhh... hehe... lolz... now i have this question in my mind... its that what if a guy like remembers the time u guys went out to watch movie... like what happened... and remembered what did u(the girl) do and all... is that a good sign? i really wonder whether he likes me anot... seriously... sighhh... i just really hope that on monday or like some day sooner... he'll tell me how he feels bout me... like whether he likes me anot or whether he is just acting normal... but one thing for sure... i wont tell him that i like him larh... ill just continue liking him and being a good friend to him... and ill just wait for my DREAM to come true... i hope that he'll like me too... somemore now a days i dunno whether he is hinting me or what... arghhh.. i dunno larh.... dunno what larh... my brain is just thinking too much... getting more and more white hair di... cuz i think too much... arghhh... sooo sadd... sadness.... sometimes i hate this situation that im in... but sometimes i dont... cuz when i think bout him... and what he does... and his smile... ill just feel happy all over again... sighhhh... and i want to know whether i should straighten my hair man... dunno whether it'll suit me... sighhh... arghhhh... what ever larhh...

*c H i L L*

today i barely did any work... seriously... like a few questions of my maths... actually its not really a few questions... its like the same question... but its a really really really long question which requires loads of working... hehee... cuz have to plan a fund raising thingy for my school's graduation night... aww mann... can u believe it... we just like started this dance group for bout 2 weeks... and they want us to perform on graduation night.. and that is like on the 21st of nov... which is like dunno how many weeks from now... aww mann.. and we cant even get our dance perfect yet!!!!! arghhh!!!

anywayz, what just said while i AM chatting with her... she said that God has something in store for me... like right now my question is whether HE is the one for me... but i dunno... somehow my human puny mind is like thinking way toooo much... its like whenever something happens... i will like think "*gasp*... is this a sign?" and all those kinda crap... like seriously... sometimes i think God just wants to teach me patience and all... cuz right now i really really want an answer now... and half of me dont want to rush into things... and the other half of me wants to... my feelings now is like so hard to explain... seriously... my heart doesnt understand my brain... ermmm.. hrmmm... *wonders* what am i talking bout??? sometimes i think i just need to take some time off... step back from what im going thru and think bout what im doing.. or what God has been trying to tell me... cuz i think sometimes i just neglect Him... aww mannn... im such a bad bad child of God...

*ur in my mind*

hrmmm... there's like a thousand and one things in my mind like for bout a month... but suddenly i feel that everything has gone... and i dont have any confusions anymore... i guess ill probably follow what eden advised me... that i should just let things be... and just take things slow... although sometimes i would probably like think too much and all... but in the end of it... i just have this feeling that all my thoughts and my confusions are being lifted up to God.. like suddenly i could just breath in deeply and just take one step back from my life and just let God control everything... i feel sooo nice to have this kinda feeling... its like all of a sudden i have a faith to just believe in God...

i like my last msn nick... it says that "since my puny mind is not capable of doing anything wondorous.. i shall commit everything to God" i bet some ppl in the world will agree with me... hehe... sometimes i feel God works in wonderous ways... and u know in the Bible it says that in every circumstances give thanks... but tell me... how many ppl in the world can do that... unless that person is really strong in the Lord... and that person is prolly 1 of 10 ppl in the world... lolz...
life is just a journey which is like continuous learning... which u can NEVER EVER escape... lolz... and ur learning can be more exciting with God... i know sometimes its hard to put God in our everyday life... that's a struggle to me to i would say... but it takes effort to ask Him to guide us... to ask Him for help... to turn to Him in times of trouble/trial/problems/happiness or whatever...

girls... have u ever tried to understand guys? and i bet the guys are asking the opposite question.. hehe.. through my 1 month experience... i found out.. like literally found out... that U CANT UNDERSTAND GUYS AND VICE VERSA... i guess u just have to really put God in the center of ur relationship... i mean.. really... when im talking bout this... all the thoughts is starting to get into my poor mind... thinking over and over... until i have dreams that is sometimes discouraging... cuz i feel that it'll never happen... if i have told u, u would know what kinda dreams im talking bout... and please.... do not think gross... haha... lolz...

last night at prayer meeting... it was soo awesome... as usual... hehe... really could feel the presence of God... really need God's touch in my life... like seriously... and after that... aww mann... its been a long long LONG time since i've gone crazy with my crazy bunch of friendsor even laughed till my stomach ache really badly... hehe ... really missed every single part of it... haha... and esp. when me, kim, and tm were talking bout keeping in touch even after we leave school.... sighhh.. its really a dread thinking bout the time we're gonna leave school... and continue on with our journey of life... i really hope and pray that we all will still be close and have a really strong friendship... like seriously... cuz they are the ones who were with me for bout 4 years.. and we have really grown together.. watched each other change and all... for the better of course and more Godly... hehe...

thoughts...

at lastttt!!! i finally got my blog... i wanted to get blogspot for so long... but i was too lazy.. so i settled for xanga at first.... but i would rather prefer blogspot cuz its.... much nicer... hehe.. lolz... so anyway... let me start babbling before i go crazy with this things stuck in my head...


firstly.... have u ever felt so confused? have u ever wondered what im gonna do to this situation that im in? its like suddenly u feel that no one is of help at all.. like everyone is there to lend a listening ear... but no one has the solution for that... and whenever i pray to God asking whether we're meant to be... and if we're not meant to be... please help me lose this feeling... but noooo... it didnt happen... arghhh.. i guess its my decisions... God just gives us choices for our everyday life... and whatever we choose, He'll be right there for us...

have u ever gone through this time where... u suddenly fall for a person? like u have never thought u will fall for this guy... but suddenly one day... u start to think things through.. u suddenly feel this special feeling for this person... and u start thinking bout... "wahhh... what if we're together.. and u start to imagine a future relationship with that person... its like arghhhhh... *pulls hair* and ur "girlfriends" are like saying... "i never knew u will fall for him" or "are u sure bout this feeling?" or "*gasp* maybe he really like to too" or loads more... and ur brain starts to wonder and think and think and think none stop... and when u want to stop thinking... it comes more and more... isnt that frustrating? arghh...

have u ever?

have u ever loved somebody so much
it makes u cry
have u ever needed someone so bad
u cant sleep at night
have u ever tried to find the words
but they dont come out right
have u ever

have u ever been in love so bad
you'd do anything to make them understand
have u ever searched for words to get u in their hearts
but u dunno what to say
and u dunno where to start

have u ever found the one u dream ed of all of ur life
you'd do just anything to look into their eyes
have u finally found the one you've given ur heart to
only to find that one won't give their heart to u
have u ever closed ur eyes and dreamed that they were there
and all u could do is wait for a day when they will care

what do i gotta do to get u in my arms baby
what do i gotta say to get to ur heart
to make u understand how i need u next to me
gotta get u into my world
cuz baby i cant sleep