-thoughts-

i've been thinking alot lately. thoughts which i should let go. which doesnt help. cuz at night i dream dreams that make me feel sooooo grrrr.. its unexplainable. i know deep down in my heart. i dont want to let go. cuz i can see the way i worship God, my mind will slowly wonder and think and think bout possibilities, chance, wishes, dreams. which is really really bad. im really trying to put God first. but i dunno why i cant. argh! sometimes i really wish that my wishes and dreams will come true. but i dunno. all i can do now is to put my dreams, hopes, and plans into God's hands. which im also learning to do. sighhh.. life is just a cycle of learning. u can never stop learning. each day is a real lesson to me.

today i've realized how much my parents love me. not to say that i've NEVER realized in my whole 16 years. but on tuesday night, i told my parents that ill be back at like around 11. but i didnt have transport and all. loads of complications. and when i called my dad to come and pick me up. he really did. and that time was around 11.50 like that. and he sent my friends home too. i was really really amazed. and today when i called my mum to tell her that im going out. and to ask her whether she can fetch me after work. and she didnt even scold me that im going out everyday. but she just said that i have 101 things to do huh. i was like yeah.. hehe.. and she was like okay ill fetch u after my work since i need to drop by there for a while. but im just really thankful cuz remembering all my other friends. they are not sooo FREE like me. cuz i always go out from morning till late at night. and going out the next morning again. and they didnt make a single complain. im just really thankful. but u know. sometimes when there are misunderstandings and slight fights at home. obviously u'll be like "why God why???" but besides all of this. i really really thank God with all my heart for putting me in this family. i mean each family has their ups and downs. since nobody is perfect. but overall. its good. remember. lilo & stitch. ohana means family. it really brings me to realize how important is family even though there are good times and BAD BAD times. =)