i dont know why. everytime i say to myself that im finally over it, everything comes back to me. every morning i wake up, ill be reminded by some part of my past with him. its like a memory that keeps flashing back and forth back and forth in my head. which doesnt seem to be going away. has anybody felt that way before? its so hard to let go. sometimes i hate myself for all this things that i put myself into. i keep asking myself why do i do this to myself? why arent i making enough effort? like i know i should be losing weight. but why cant i stop myself from eating and start exercising? why? why? why? i just hate myself. hate hate hate. ughhhh! no matter how much i try, it'll never end up the way i want it to be. u might say that im expecting too much or something.. whatever.. i dont know.. can i just leave this earth?
okay okay.. i think i shall stop here now and remind myself that God has set me free.. and i should love myself.. i should be placing all of this to God.. i should rejoice in every circumstances.. i should be thanking God for every breath that im breathing now. i should go to sleep to end all my depression.. yeahhh.. good idea.. then i dont have to think so much. dont have to look at the 4 corners of my wall and think bout the past, think bout everything that's happening and all.. i think i should just go and sleep now =)
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