*never gone*

i really miss u
there's something that i gotta say

the things we did, the things we said
keep coming back to me and make me sad again
u showed me how to face the truth
everything that's good to me i owe to u

though the distance that's between us
now may seem to be too far
it will never separates us
deep inside i know u are

never gone, never far
in my heart is where u are
always close, everyday
every step along the way
even though for now we've gotta say goodbye
i know u will be forever in my life
never gone

no no no
i walk alone these empty streets
there is not a second ur not here with me
the love u gave, the grace u've shown
will always give me strength and be my cornerstone

somehow u found a way
to see the best i have in me
as long as time goes on
i swear to u that u will be

never gone from me
if there's one thing i believe
i will see u somewhere down the road again

*incomplete*

empty spaces fill me up with holes
distant faces with no place left to go
without u within me i cant find no rest
where im going is anybody's guess

i've tried to go on like i never knew u
im awake but my world is half asleep
i pray for this heart to be unbroken
but without u all im going to be is imcomplete

voices tell me i should carry on
but im swimming in an ocean all alone
baby, my baby
its written on ur face
u still wonder if we've made a big mistake
i dont mean to drag it on, but i cant seem to let u go

pray again! hehe

pls pray again.. im retaking my driving test next monday. sighhhh.. thank God i passed my first part la.. that is the slope, parking, and 3-point-turn. if i fail that. i think ill be more nervous.. but i havent been getting any "GOOD" sleep. cuz i've been quite nervous since last week until now.. sighhh.. so pls pray for me again.. when i went there.. i saw the newest car and i told God that i want that car and guess what? i really got that car.. but hehehe.. i forgot to pray for the examiner.. so the guy that i got, he was kinda cranky when it was my batches turn. soooooo.. he looked really angry that made me really nervous. but later he was quite nice to me and joke with me when i failed. i guess getting more money makes him happier.. sighhhh.. but it was good.. i manage to find new friends who stuck with me throughout my whole exam.. encouraging me and wishing me all the best for my exams. we talked and laughed and all like we were friends since forever. thank God cuz im not that kinda person who wants to be alone. ill cry if im alone cuz i feel soo soo lost. hehe.

HELP ME! PRAY FOR ME!

help me!!! im very very scared.. it still hasnt dawn on me that my driving test is tmr. its like all my feelings are mixed together.. from scared to terrified to calm to anything la. its like im scared but calm at the same time. i dont know laaa... pls pls pls pls prayyyy!!!!!

missing the days

i dont know why. everytime i say to myself that im finally over it, everything comes back to me. every morning i wake up, ill be reminded by some part of my past with him. its like a memory that keeps flashing back and forth back and forth in my head. which doesnt seem to be going away. has anybody felt that way before? its so hard to let go. sometimes i hate myself for all this things that i put myself into. i keep asking myself why do i do this to myself? why arent i making enough effort? like i know i should be losing weight. but why cant i stop myself from eating and start exercising? why? why? why? i just hate myself. hate hate hate. ughhhh! no matter how much i try, it'll never end up the way i want it to be. u might say that im expecting too much or something.. whatever.. i dont know.. can i just leave this earth?

okay okay.. i think i shall stop here now and remind myself that God has set me free.. and i should love myself.. i should be placing all of this to God.. i should rejoice in every circumstances.. i should be thanking God for every breath that im breathing now. i should go to sleep to end all my depression.. yeahhh.. good idea.. then i dont have to think so much. dont have to look at the 4 corners of my wall and think bout the past, think bout everything that's happening and all.. i think i should just go and sleep now =)

*i get on my knees*

there are days
when i feel
the best of me
is ready to begin
then there are days
when i feel im letting go and soaring on the wind
cuz i've learned in laughter, awe and pain
how to survive

i get on my knees
there i am before the love that changes me
see i dont know how
but this power
when im on my knees

i can be
in a crowd
all by myself
in almost anywhere
when i feel there's a need
to talk with God and He's Emmanuel
when i close my eyes
no darkness stand
there's only light

*always & forever*

there's nothing better
than living for u
saving my world with You,
there's nothing better
than praising Your name
and lifting my praise
wanna spend forever
just standing in Your presence

i want to show You
what You mean to me God
i give You my whole life
i've got to tell You
that i am Yours forever
Lord i give You my whole life

Jesus, i will live for You
in everything i do
im holding on to You
always and forever
and if my world is falling down
in You i will be found
im staying in Your arms today
always and forever

afte listening to this song, it really made me feel better

feelings

do u care bout other ppl alot but they dont care bout u at all?
do u treat other ppl like ur own family but they treat u like shit?
do u put them first(besides God) but they put u last in their list?
do u wake up and feel like there's no meaning to it?
do u do things and its all so mundane?
do u feel like there's any difference?
do u show concern and care but they return it with something harsh?
do u ever feel so tired with life? with the way ppl treat u?
do u feel like u dont know anyone anymore?
do u feel like everything's a mess? and u dont know what to do anymore?
do u know the feeling of putting a happy face but deep inside ur hurting so badly?
do u know the feeling of being treated like shit by ppl who are called ur friends or worse.."sisters"?
do u know the feeling of not having anyone to turn to?

have u ever felt like ur heart hurts and tears run down ur cheek without even knowing why?
have u ever loved someone but that person doesnt return ur love? but instead returned it with harshness?
have u ever looked around and ask urself why ur here? at ur house.. in ur family.. doing the stuffs that u usually do
have u ever asked urself.. "what's the point of doing this?"
have u ever asked urself.. "what's the point of caring bout that person when that person doesnt care bout u?"
have u ever asked urself.. "what's the point of loving.. when that person doesnt show love at all?"
have u ever asked urself.. "what's the point of being a friend.. when that person isnt a friend to u"

i think i shall stop here.. before u guys give me one-on-one counseling.. haha.. well, u wanna know what's up with me.. so here u go.. what i have been feeling this few weeks.. i dont know why i have drastic changes of emotions this few weeks. i guess its part of growing up huh? my friend was like saying that its probably puberty. i was thinking the exact same thing as my friend before he said that. lolz.

long time since i've blogged

hmmmm.. i dont know where to start.. i guess i should start by saying.. PRAY FOR ME!!!! i need help in my studies.. pls remind me again why i need to study? besides the fact that its supposedly "good for me and my bright bright future" i hate the fact that i need to study. i hate studying. i hate english & science especially. i hate the participles, adverbs, infinitives, verb phrases... everything!!!! ughhh!! why must it be so complicated? tell me.. why why why why?! i dont know why. but i cant seem to study anymore this few weeks. its like my mind drifts somewhere while reading it and just to let u know.... self study sucks! anyway, im having trouble even with the easiest subjects on earth. can u believe it? can u believe it???!!! i mean.. how dumb can i get? oh pls dont answer that. im begging u pls. haha. anyway, i think i like reading books. or should i say. started to like reading books. hehe. so pls pls pls pray for me... i have a few things that i need to be prayed for...

1) my trial driving test - 19 july
2) my real driving test - 25 july
3) my studies - every single day of my life. hahaha. just joking. dont want to study every single day of my life

i guess that's it. haha. nothing horrible or terrible is happening in my life right now. everything is the usuals. the mundane things. and the fact that most of my close friends have left overseas and that leaves me pretty much feeling lonely. since i dont go out much with my church friends. or even my school friends. and i have gotten wing lian's "new" desktop. cuz actually it was suppose to be my mum's but he put it in his room and soon claimed it was all his but now it has to be all mine. since my old computer is giving me problems. so yeah, i shall stop my update of my life here cuz i need to go and continue my studying before i get chopped up in school tmr. lolz. *cheers*

my first day of driving class

hahahahahahaha.. it was super fun and of course funny. the first time when i was driving i was kinda scared. and imagine that was only in the place where u go a few rounds and learn how to park and do the slope thingy. but after 2 rounds of that today. he said okay.. wear ur sealbelt so that we can go on the road.. i was like WHAT??????????????? hahah.. but of course i didnt say that out loud la.. and i realise ppl are blind this few days.. they cant see my BIG BIG L SIGN posted all around the car. they dont seem to notice it. and of course ill drive slowly since its like my first time.. but do they care??? nooooooooooooooooo... they dont give a **** they stick so close to my butt that i purposely drive even slower to make them move lanes. so irritating man. i mean SEE MY L FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!! ughhhh!!!! luckily i didnt have time to memorize their number plate. if not when i see them. im so gonna kena them next time.. haha. but im not sure how am i gonna kena them next time. lolz. hahahahahaha.. but oh well. besides that part. it was a super fun time! i never knew driving was this fun.. but super tiring la cuz i was so scared that my whole body was so tense up and like stuck to one position for like 2 hours. and my leg was super pain when i came home. aw man. super super pain. and then i had to bath and rest for a while then went straight for dinner with my teacher and shin thong. im gonna have another dinner with my teacher like next week but with different ppl. hahah. super fun wei!

my sad poem

what have i done,
to make u turn away,
what have i said,
to make u feel this way.

isnt my love good enough?
all the time u made it tough
have u ever cared about my heart?
or u just want to be apart

i sit here and wonder what i did,
cuz u never cared a single bit
happiness i wish to u,
with all my heart i really do

what can i do, what can i say,
to make u love me again one day
i tried and tried,
but everything died

is there no hope?
i hope i can cope
answers i hope to find
cuz depression is clogging up my mind