i thought

i thought i could let u know how i felt

i thought i could bear everything out

i thought i could let u in on everything i've felt

i thought i could let u see how hurt my heart is

i thought i was feeling better and am able to tell what made me act this way



that was why i kept calling u
thinking that i would return to normal
letting u in again
but when i heard ur voice
the hurt, the pain was back

i didnt want to say it out
afraid to have it out of my mouth
afraid to put what i read into life
i didnt want to put it all out

it has happened again
we've swept things under the rug
and the pile of rubbish is growing higher and higher
unable to hide itself from reality
instead of disappearing, it grew

it got so high that we tripped over it
fall flat on our faces
and now we've got a wound to heal
a wound that needs love to bandage
kisses to kiss the pain away
hugs to wish everything back to normal
trust to completely heal again

how we've gone so far without tripping over it,
is a mystery that will never be solved
we've done this a million times
always sweeping problem that we dont want to solve under the rug
pushing it out of reality and continuing life like nothing has happened
as if hurt and pain wasnt there when it happened
as if our heart werent burnt and ripped apart
but like sin, it never fails to find its way back to us
never fail to creep in without our consent

how far will we go
before noticing that we cant do this anymore
we cant sweep unwanted things under the rug
cant pretend like it never happened
no matter how far we push our hurt from resurfacing again
no matter the effort we put into it
one day, somehow
a volcano will erupt
the uncertainty of it is scary

why wait till a part of our hearts gets numb
why wait till a part of our hearts harden
till we lock a certain part of our hearts away
and throw the key away to timbaktu
then...
what can we do bout that part of our hearts?
to soften that harden heart?
to find the key and unlock it?
what can we do to reverse everything and start all over again?
what can we do to let go and trust again?