sad post.

welll..... this post is gonna be a sad one.. compared to the lovey dovey one. this may or may not affect ppl who reads it. i've tried to stop myself from posting it here. but seriously. i cant keep it in my heart anymore. eventhough i shared it with kevin.... but i cant help it but write it out too.. but i thank God that kevin understands la. hehee.


so anywaysss..... emmmm... well... it started on emmm.. on friday night i think. sigh. my mum complained and she practically shouted asking me why why why must i leave so early on saturday morning. then i also said that i need to fetch ppl. and she gave me this disappointed look. i mean..... harlooooo.. im fetching ppl to church. isnt it like a good thing? at least im not fetching ppl to go clubbing or to do something sinful right. and the way she talked to me the whole night.... like..... sighhhh.. i dont know how to explain la. ugh! u gotta be me to understand it. u gotta be in my position to understand and feel the way i feel.

she gave me this look like i've done the greatest sin in the whole wide world. like i've been a useless child. sometimes when i dont behave the way she wants me to..... i mean like sometimes i like to play around... but she will say see la... dont know why i want to give birth to a daughter. like she say in cantonese... 'sang lui la sang lui la' like give birth to a daughter la... and it really hurts me when she says that.


am i not worthy of her love?
dont i deserve to be treated the same way?


when my brothers wants to get the car... they can drive anywhere they want. do anything they want with the car. and doesnt get anything. but when i say i wanna have the car.... i wanna fetch ppl... to.... churchhhhhh....... she complains and gives me this disappointed look. like im wasting the families money. like im doing everything wrong and nothing right. like whatever i do.....whatever i say..... will never be right in her eyes. sighhhhhhh. i dont know what to do di la. whatever di la.


somemore today in church we were talking quite well mar.. like besides her passing me the immuflora....... we were talking quite well. she even told me that she bought books from the ppl who came from doulos. cuz they came to share their testimonies. then she asked me what time ill be home.. so on so forth.


then i dont know why. when i came back... she never even talk to me. until the time when she was bout to leave the house. she suddenly barge into my room with my 2 skirts. and was like scolding me. asking me why i dont hang my skirts. she say it's so expensive. say that im not grateful for it and all. and i sat there wondering what did i do wrong again to make her angry. i didnt even talk to her once i come back. and she suddenly burst at me. sighssss... now im wondering.. what have i done wrong.


but i think cuz she's stressed with work and with everything. i guess that's why she's like that. but but but but...... aihhhhh.. dont know laa....


hmmmm.. i havent been complaining bout my mum for quite sometime huh. hehee. wing lian or joanne.... if ur reading this... please dont tell mummy. please keep any comments to urself. it was quite hard at first.. i was debating whether i wanna write it here. whether i wanna write out my true feelings. cuz u guys are gonna read it. but but but... im so used to writing my feelings here. i cant help it. sooooo... yeahhhh..