something that lightened up my day =)

Be joyful always;
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

been reminded again and again of this verse
if u guys have noticed my last few posts
i've been complaining and being sad and all
but i fail to give thanks to God
failed to give thanks in all circumstances..
which i have been trying to tell myself to do

consider it pure joy, my brothers,
whenever u face trials of many kinds,
because u know that the testing of ur faith develops perseverance
perseverance must finish its work so that
u may be mature and complete,
not lacking anything.
(James 1:2-4)

praise be to God
and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion
and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

my sad thoughts

why am i so foolish,
why am i so dumb,
he's too selfish,
and that makes me numb.
how do i forget bout the past,
how do i move on,
i want to forget him fast,
and i want the feelings to be gone.
i dont mean anything to him anymore,
my heart really tore,
ever since he walked out the door.

why did we become like this?
why did things change?
i want to be filled with blissfulness,
but i feel like im stuck in a cage.
memories start to race in my mind,
wishing that we'll go back in time,
where i was in ur heart and mind.
all i can do now is wish and hope,
that with God i can cope,
every heart break and every tear.
i know that one day ill understand,
cuz the answers is in God's hand,
and i know i will stand,
with God hand in hand.

feelings come and go,
leaving me all torn up inside,
i dont know what i want to do,
whether to stay or go.
i know i should be leaving,
i know i shouldnt be staying,
but i cant bear going,
all i can do is continue praying,
that me and him are meant to be.

i need strength,
i need God's joy,
i want to give thanks in every circumstance,
i dont want the situation to control my emotions
but i seem to give in no matter what.
he tells me that he's interested with someone else,
and that he wants to do this and that for her
and here i am
trying to be happy for him
trying to wish him all the best with her
even though it may break my heart
again and again

i sat in the car
staring out the window
staring at the things passing by
wishing that my sadness could just fade away
wishing that my heart will never break
for the same person ever again
wishing that i could scream all my hurt away
wishing that i could move on like he did
wishing that we are meant to be
wishing that we would have another chance
a chance where it would last till death do us part

i really wish for his happiness,
i really want him to be happy
to have the girl of his dreams
but at the same time
im very sad that
he didnt choose me
i wouldnt know what the future brings
i wish i knew
i wish i had the answers to everything
but i've learn that
trials help us to be who God wants us to be
without trials...
there will be no perseverance

does anyone care?

i feel like im the person whom one goes to when one doesnt have any other friends there. like if ur good friend is not around....go to esther. if there's no one to talk to....go to esther. if good friend is around. dont need to care bout esther. need someone to spend time with. dont need to care bout esther. im like the person on the bleachers. sitting there waiting for someone who needs me. someone who wants to be my friend. someone who wants to talk to me and spend time with me. someone who listens to me. someone who cares bout me. someone who is there, who is willing to share my ups and downs with. im not saying that i dont think God is with me. or i dont think that He's enough. all im saying is that i feel unwanted. nobody wants to spend time with me. everybody comes to me only when there's no one else to go to. like im the last resort. no one cares bout me. it's so simple to say "ohh. if u're feeling that way. go to God. always go to God." i dont want any sunday school answers. i have enough of all those sunday school answers. i get so fed up of this life. sometimes i feel like giving up.

i know that God is there for me. i know that He's always there to listen to me and to care for me. but why am i still feeling this way? dont i have a relationship with Him? dont i believe in Him? dont i trust Him to be there for me? i sometimes wonder... that if im gone. would anyone notice? would anyone care? would anyone grieve?

people who once were my friends
now seem so far away
it's like we dont know each other anymore
it's like we're strangers again
waiting to cross paths
no longer talking
no longer having anything in common
no longer sharing the same jokes
no longer keeping in touch
no longer creating memories
no longer spend time with each other

everything that's left is
scars, differences, changes,
memories, tears, loneliness
what happened to our friendships?
what happened to staying close?
what happened to keeping in touch?
what happened to the things we shared?
what happened to the crazy laughters?
what happened to the crazy moments?
what happened to the crazy things that we did?

why must changes occur?
why must we go our separate ways?
isit to make us matured?
isit to make us move on?
isit to make us see the differences of each other?
isit to make us change too?
isit to make us meet other ppl in the world?
isit for the better?

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

lalalaa. im super super bored. and when im bored....aw man. u wouldnt want that. cuz my mind will start thinking and missing someone. so i choose not to be bored. that's why im updating my blog. havent been writing lately cuz i dont know what to write. lol. cuz there's no word that can explain how i feel. sigh.

anyways, i've recounted my books. and i have around 15 more books to go. not counting the books that im doing now. so i think i can graduate this year. like literally graduate. then hopefully i can work in my school for a few months first then only i go to college. cuz i dont want to go to college so soon. maybe around mid next year ill consider but not early next year. definitely not. i wanna have some fun first mannn.. hahaha. many ppl told me to study hard and play later. but i would like to do both at the same time. hehe.

*photo*

a photo can say a thousand things
but it cant say a million things that i wanna say
a photo can capture the way we were
but it cant capture the way we are
cause ur far away
what it's like to know u
what it's like to love u

when u told me that u loved me
were those just words
u cant tell me u dont need me
and i know that hurts
cause im looking at ur picture
cause it's all ive got
maybe one day
u and me will have one more shot

timing lost minutes and moments
and i might be a lonely girl
but im not afraid
in a second
it all comes right back to me
nothing's forgotten now
yeah everything's saved

u were my life
u were my faith
u gave me hope everyday

-----------------------------------------------------


i thought i couldnt move on
but with God's strength i could move on
i thought that without u
my world falls apart
but heyyy.
my world is still in tact
i thought i couldnt do many things
i thought i couldnt get over u
but slowly slowly
everything seems to fade away
even though there's still
goosebumps, butterflies
sweaty palms, heart pounding
but i know that one day
i can treat u as a normal friend again
we will never know what the future brings
but why should we concentrate on the future
when the present is more important

i cant say that ive completely moved on
but i can say that im slowly letting go
i cant say that i dont love u anymore
but i can say that u have a special place in my heart
i cant say that im full of joy and happiness
but i know that one day ill be
i cant say i know the future
but i know my future is in God's hands

i used to think
whenever i face crossed roads
that my world will end
but now..
i realize that
with God's strength i can do more things
if i make it a point
to turn to God
instead of trying to fix it on my own
everything will not be as bad as it seems

i sure hope to know bout the future
but i guess we have to have faith in God
we might think this one is the best
but maybe God has something way better
i used to focus so much on my problems
thinking that they're the biggest problems
but when i turn my focus
to other people's problems
i realize that my problem is not so big after all
sometimes we tend to magnify our problems
but actually it's just a small little ant

thought of the day

as i close my eyes to sleep,
tears trickle down my cheek.
i scream, i shout,
but no one hears me out.
my heart longs for him,
every sec, every min.
i wonder what God has in store for me,
i wish i could see.
i pray for me and u,
that one day u would love me too.

i wish that u'll love me,
and we'll be happy as can be.
i want u to be by my side,
everyday and every night.
why did u go away,
must it really be this way?

nice?!

is this new skin nice? i kind of give up on the old one. i love the old one.. its just that it's very hard with the fonts and all. getting irritated diii. haha. so decided to change to one that is not so complicated. haha.

well, i have nothing much to update. nothing extraordinary is going on with my life right. i think la. at the moment i have nothing much to say. ehehe. oh yeah oh yeah. i just dyed my hair today. i was suppose to do it in 1u. cuz they have this promotion thingy. so they are doing it for free if u buy 2 boxes of dye. but the thing is that only 1 person can do it. so i was supposed to do it there. but when saturday came, i was too shy. i mean harloooo. they're having the promotion at the center of the mall u know. do u think im that crazy??? haha. so i let my mum to go there and do and she did it for me today. shucks! i hope my school dont notice. cuz last time i dyed a lighter color than this current one but its only like highlights. but now its like the whole head. shucks! i hope my teacher's dont notice. haha. but as i look at it more often. it looks quite natural la. but hahaha. do u think my teacher's have eye problem? lol.

im still trying really hard to move on. but its not working. i dont know why la. maybe im thinking too much or something. sheesh. dont know laa. trying to stop myself from thinking too much. dont want to be sad anymore. sometimes i feel no matter how much i scream and shout. i dont think anyone can hear my cry. i dont think anyone can feel my pain. besides God la. haha. but knowing that God knows is good enough for me. cuz He can do everything and man can fail us. we shouldnt depend on man too much cuz they can fail us. but God will never ever fail us. He'll have faith even when we are faithless. i really wish i have a child-like faith. it's so simple. i wish i dont need to doubt or have the unworthy feeling. that really sucks!

i went to watch the cave with my friends(miss them sooo much!). warning: DO NOT WATCH THE CAVE! i never thought of watching it actually. but when we all decided to watch the cave. i dont know what has gotten into uss. haha. it really really sucked. like no other movie has ever sucked that much. i almost fell asleep u know. thank God eden was there with me. me and her was like laughing at the movie and insulting and all. the show is like darn darn darn waste of time and money. but it's okay. as long as i manage to meet up with my long lost friends and catch up with them. have a laugh with them which i had never laugh that much for such a long long time. i certainly enjoyed their company. always & forever! hehe.