long time since i've written eh

i dunno where to start writing. its like there's been loads of stuff that has been happening to me. its like all up in my brains but i just cant think where to start. haha. oh well. i just write whatever comes first. i feel the school im attending sucks. but i guess God has put me there for a purpose. sometimes its really stressful to study esp. my english is like SO hard. im trying to tell myself to study properly so that i can graduate by this year. but loads of stuff has happened and things doesnt seem to go the way i planned. i guess this goes back to putting what i've learned and what i've been telling ppl into practice. this is a time when i really have to rely on God. rely on Him and not my own understanding. sometimes i really wonder what has God planned for me. and sometimes i dont even understand what He's doing in my life. but today i was doing my Bible, and it answered my questions. it says that sometimes we dont understand what God is doing in our lives but all we have to do is lean on Him and put our trust on Him. i know i've said that my school sucks. but one things im thankful for is that i have a priviledge to study Bible as one of my subjects and i get to start the day off praying, having devotion, woshipping in school which i wont get it in normal gov. school's. today i was thinking how i wish i went to gov. school. then i wont have to suffer now. but once i came home and sit down to think bout my day. i really thank God for this priviledge i have. sometimes we all take things that we have for granted. arh. my heart aches so badly. it feels like its broken into a million gazilion pieces that nobody but God can mend it back. no matter what ppl tell me. its like going in one ear and going out the other. aw man. hearing what ppl is going through now in their relationships or watch nice romantic movies really kills me. its like aw man. i wish im going through something like that. hehe. okay okay. i shall stop this. i think its best for me not to have a relationship now. like what i told my teacher today. if i have a relationship now my studies will go down the drain. i think that's why God doesnt want me to have a relationship now. hehe. lolz.