*misses*

sometimes i wonder if i am taken for granted and whether i am easily bullied. like seriously. i feel so irritated, so frustrated, so arghhhhhhhhhh! if i am who i was last time. u make me feel irritated lil bit. ur so gonna kena adi. but now. i dunno why but im starting to be "nice". hahaha. not to be perasan or anything. but i feel that i've change and hopefully for the better. its like now i cant seem to be as "garang" as last time. maybe i am influenced by my dear eden. i just cant seem to let out all my anger adi. which is (i think) quite bad. cuz i know one day im so gonna let out all my anger. now a days i've been kepping all my frustration, my anger, my irritation, my frustration inside. whenever i get a chance to think of what i've been through or going through. i will think and like say to myself "kay. later when i see the person. im gonna scold the person and let out all i feel." but when i see the person, i just cant seem to do what i've made up in my mind. sometimes im so frustrated in life that i really wonder whether i am loved and whether there's someone out there who cares bout me. but oh well

someone! help me! teach me how to work this blog. haha. i dunno anything else besides blog. argh! aihhh. but fortunately. today during service. the pastor was saying. do unto others what u want them to do unto u. so i just need to live by that scripture. and of course there's this other verse saying repay not evil by evil but repay evil by good. or something like that. hehe. so i guess that is what that makes me what i am today. u know not like last time. but well, ppl change. like me and my gang. we have all changed. of course for the better. its like when we step back and look at how different we are now. its really unbelievable. okay okay. i shall stop saying this again. haha. anywayz, i am done saying what i feel now. *cheers*

happiness taken away in a blink of an eye

sometimes i do not understand why life can bring u up one minute and in a blink of an eye... u'll feel like u have been kicked down from cloud 9 to the hardest and most painful feeling in the world... but thank goodness for family and friends who are there to cheer u up and to understand ur feelings at this moment... u dont feel like a flower quickly fading, or ur here today and gone tomorrow, or a wave tossed in the ocean, or a vapor in the wind... but instead u can rejoice in the Lord and think of good good stuff instead of making urself worse huh... but sometimes i dunno why... u can just be SO DARN HAPPY in a minute... then before u can take it all in... something will just come ur way and make u feel the downest u can ever feel... i just dont understand why.. aihh... why? why? why? or isit my decision that makes me feel that way? if i didnt choose to be there at that moment.. if i didnt choose to think and feel this way... i wont be feeling this horrible right now... right? but oh well... all i know is that God i musnt blame God for this... cuz i know He will always be there for me... not taking His eyes away from me... i agree with what justina post in her blog... she said that all this while... we have grown up believing that there will be a happily ever after, a knight in shining armor, a ROMANTIC fairytale... but after all the things that i have gone through... reality has finally slapped me in the face... all this things that i've grown up with... all the things that i've seen in romance shows... is NEVER NEVER EVER EVER gonna happen in real life... unless u and ur partner are pretending larh... otherwise... there is no such thing... so i shall cast all my cares on God... and let Him just take over my life... my decisions... my everything.. i really hope to learn how to just let go of everything.. and just let HIM *the wonderful father up there* control everything... hmmmm... maybe that should be my question for camp huh... set my goal for camp... great goal!!! ahhhh... thanks God!

thinking too much!

friends say im thinking too much and making simple things seem complicated... oh well... its just me... my brains cant stop thinking.. *boo hoo* so anyway... yesterday i had my rehearsal... I SAW ANGELOOOOOOOO!!! and i talked to him... and he answered and he remembered me... sooo cute... but he was darn shy... i wonder whyyyy... hehehe... but stilll soooo cute... weeeeeeeeeeeee! hehehe... yesterday was fun... but everytime after a performance we have to rush to change clothes... man oh man... rush here and there... wish i didnt take part in so many things... hehhe.. but it was fun.. lolz... hrmmmm... someone looked so good yesterday.. so smart and leng chai man... ahaha.. even kor also said he was handsome... horrrrrrrrrrrr... heheh... sooo funny larhhh... lolz... i didnt know he was that siao... haha... have u ever wondered that u can chat with someone so much on msn but u cant talk to much face to face... isnt it weird? its like sudenly there's an awkwardness... weird huh... hehe... lolz... but i guess different ppl go through things differently... and it was amazing that yesterday andrew didnt insult me... for once he complimented me... or maybe he did that to make me get out of the toilet so that we can dance our 80's dance... hmmmmmmmmmm... oh well... dont care... at least he didnt insult me... lolz... so anyway... after yesterday i was too lazy to go to school today... so i declared my OWN holidayz... hehe... and later im gonna go eat indian food with carene... at last she can go and eat... if not every second i will hear her say that she wants to eat indian food on banana leaf... haha... lolz... so have a nice day! hehe... tata =)

-you will never walk alone-

along life's road
there will be sunshine and rain
roses and torns, laughter and pain
and cross the miles
you will face mountains so steep
deserts so long and valleys so deep
sometimes the journeys gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want you to remember
i want you to know

chorus:
you will never walk alone
as long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
you may feel you're far from home
but home is where He is
and he'll be there down every road
you will never walk alone

the path will wind
and you will find wonders and fears
labors of love and a few faliing tears
across the years
there will be some twists and turns
somestimes the journeys gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want you to remember where ever you may go

chorus:
you will never walk alone
as long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
you may feel you're far from home
but home is where He is
and He'll be there down every road
you will never walk alone

Jesus knows your joy, Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully

*wishes & dreams... love and misses*

aihhh... its sooo tiring to clean up the new house and mop and all.. well, at least now its cleaner than last time... i want to shop!!!! but cant!!!!! no money!!!! =( sooo sadd... aihhhh... this few days is all thoughts and thoughts and thoughts and nothing but thoughts... and when i tell ppl bout it.. i feel they are no help at all.. cuz they'll say... "wahhh... such a coincidence..." "it's a sign"... my goodness... aihhh.. i really hope that person is feeling the same way as me.. like u know... love me back... holidays is such a drag... at least in school.. if im confused or having bad feelings.. as least i get to see him.. but now.. i dont at all.. and eden!!!! she's in leadership camp!!!!! until saturday somemore.. my goodness... aihhh... this is sadness mannn... somemore she wont be around for me to sms and chat with to.. to tell my feelings.. aihhh.. sooo sad...

just now i was watching this part in a movie... when this therapist was walking to her car... then suddenly a guy came up to her and pull her to the stairs and raped her.. my goodness.. when i was watching that part.. i was seriously sooo scared and traumatised by how bad the world can become.. and how cruel the world has become.. i remember telling my brother when we were watching csi... i told him that i dont want to be a girl anymore... cuz after seeing what girls have been treated in this world... really really scares me... but all this ends up to the song called.. u will never walk alone by point of grace... that song really stayed in my mind everytime im scared of the dark or after i watch a scary csi.. that song really brings me from my scary state of mind into a total inner peace.. cuz knowing that God and His angels are beside me.. taking care of me.. and protecting me of any evil thing in this world... every night i pray that God will just protect my family from any evil spirit or evil deeds from this world..

God heal me

im not THAT sick.. but u know if u got a lil cough and sometimes feel like puking and have a lil flu sometimes... i will consider it as sick... cuz for someone who havent been sick for a long long time.. i feel like dying now.. lolz.. nahh, just joking.. of course i wont feel like dying.. such crap... anywayz, its sooo early and im starting to crap adi.. but oh well... cuz guess what guess what.. im gonna go out in like soon.. haha.. lolz... to watch SHARK TALE!!!!!!!!! and maybe white chicks too! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppp!!!!!!!! with my crazy bunch of friends again... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!

its been a long time since i've posted or ermmm.. crap here... cuz i was really really busy in school u know practicing for award's night.. dancing dancing none stop... which sometimes its way better than singing.. cuz i cant stand for long and stand straight somemore kay... if we can move around then kay larh.. but if u want me to stand straight and sing.. no way mann... haha.. so whenever i come back.. im just too lazy to write write write.. ill just come and chat and maybe play a lil pool u know get back some of my points from jeremy wong... and after chatting and playing and bathing and eating dinner.. i will feel so sick again and ill just go to sleep and not blog or do anything else... lolz... so that explains why its been a long time since i've blogged...

and yesterday the S.O.R ppl came... AND OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!! we had to dance in front of them.. which i thought was so embarassing.. and somemore that time i felt like puking really badly... my goodness.. imagine the embarassment.. haha.. lolz... but oh well.. who the heck is looking at me... anywayZ, I SAW... guess who guess whoo... ANGELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... the cutie boy boy boy boy boy.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! sooo cuteeee... but he looks skinnier adi.. i think starting to loose his baby fats... awww mannn... WHY OH WHYYYYY???!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR... *roar* ahahaha... lolz... nahhh... he's still so cute... i wonder if he still remember me anot... aihhhh... lolz

so anywayz, i guess i better stop crapping.. hrrrmmm.. actually i've noticed that i've never crap inside this blog huh... for the first time i've written such serious things!!! wooo hooo!!! guess i should celebrate celebrate celebrate... hahaha... lolz.. kay kay... shall go now shall go now.. tata...

help!

help!! this is sooo complicating.. i dont know how to operate blogspot besides posting.. so can anyone teach me???? sighhhh.. i dont really feeel like posting anything cuz nothing much is happening... everything is simple... simple simple simple... trying really really hard to think bout simple things and not making myself so confused over things.. and hurting my own feelings... sighhhhh... somemore this few days quite busy for awards night.. lazy to do school work adi... have to have dance practice which is alot of fun... really... hehe... i think this is the first time i dance hip hop and the 80's dance.. lolz.. quite fun and learned alot... hehe... anyway, have to go and do my work di... sighhh.. since i didnt do much work in school...

life...

sometimes life can just all of a sudden go up or go down... like either way way way up or way way way down... and sometimes God just want to test u or maybe its a spiritual warfare... but just remember to cast all ur problems, ups or downs to God... cuz He says to cast all our cares on Him... i've just learned a really important lesson today.. its that.. do not let ppl put u down cuz of ur youth... different people does different things and sees things in different ways.. and i've learned to lend a listening ear to my friends... sometimes friends can make u so disappointed and all... but remember our greatest friend up there is waiting for us to talk to Him... and He'll always be there for u to listen 24/7 and even in the middle of the night... u can just talk to Him and He'll listen to u.. i feel really glad to have God in my life and to have Him beside me every single time cuz i know if my friends are too busy for me... i know He will be there for me...

the world cant bring us true happiness and joy... only God above can... neglecting God is really the biggest regret in ur life... cuz God deserves every single second of our time... do not let ppl's word discourage u or even put u down.. 1 Timothy 4:12 - "Don't let anyone look down on u because u are young, but set and example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." as long as ur doing something good for God or whatever ur doing is glorifying God, u dont have to feel down and all... cuz ppl on earth is still normal homo sapiens and they are not perfect... truly in my year's of homeschooling in a Christian center has really taught me alot of important lessons in life... in what to do, in what to say, in what to react... i really want to glorify God for changing me and my bunch of friends to be a better person in Christ... truly God can do many mighty and wonderous things... i will always remember this verse in Romans 8:28... it says that "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

patience... you will NEVER walk alone...

yesterday.. i heard twice that God wont leave me alone... i mean like during devotion... suddenly the teacher said God wont just leave u alone to everyone.. and the other time was at prayer meeting.. when suddenly teck meng said that God will never leave u alone... and all... i was like... WOAH! so totally shock! cuz recently i kinda felt like God is leaving me alone.. like He's not here with me to go through this feeling im having.. but after yesterday.. im determined that God wont just leave me alone to go through this thing but instead He is carrying me in His arms.. like the story of the footprints...

last night when teck meng was talking to jon ong, samuel, and chanelle... he said that they were way better than us... in sense of what they are doing... that made me really think bout the first time i came to that school and all... seriously... come to think bout it... we have really change together for the better... its like we were soooooooooooooo naughty last time... like words cant even describe what we did... hehe... lolz... then now, after 4 years... i think... haha.. we have really changed... each one of us has really change for the better and even stronger in the Lord together than last time...

that's why when we start to think of leaving the center next year... and going to our separate ways... it is sooooo saddening... its like next time we have our own separate friends... and our own directions to go to... but at least we all had memories together.. u know how we got so close together is really mind boggling... its like after like 1 or 2 years... we have just suddenly gotten closer and really appreciate each other alot alot... i really thank God for giving me such friends who is able to encourage me in my Christian walk and also to be a really good friend to me at the same time...