i thought

i thought i could let u know how i felt

i thought i could bear everything out

i thought i could let u in on everything i've felt

i thought i could let u see how hurt my heart is

i thought i was feeling better and am able to tell what made me act this way



that was why i kept calling u
thinking that i would return to normal
letting u in again
but when i heard ur voice
the hurt, the pain was back

i didnt want to say it out
afraid to have it out of my mouth
afraid to put what i read into life
i didnt want to put it all out

it has happened again
we've swept things under the rug
and the pile of rubbish is growing higher and higher
unable to hide itself from reality
instead of disappearing, it grew

it got so high that we tripped over it
fall flat on our faces
and now we've got a wound to heal
a wound that needs love to bandage
kisses to kiss the pain away
hugs to wish everything back to normal
trust to completely heal again

how we've gone so far without tripping over it,
is a mystery that will never be solved
we've done this a million times
always sweeping problem that we dont want to solve under the rug
pushing it out of reality and continuing life like nothing has happened
as if hurt and pain wasnt there when it happened
as if our heart werent burnt and ripped apart
but like sin, it never fails to find its way back to us
never fail to creep in without our consent

how far will we go
before noticing that we cant do this anymore
we cant sweep unwanted things under the rug
cant pretend like it never happened
no matter how far we push our hurt from resurfacing again
no matter the effort we put into it
one day, somehow
a volcano will erupt
the uncertainty of it is scary

why wait till a part of our hearts gets numb
why wait till a part of our hearts harden
till we lock a certain part of our hearts away
and throw the key away to timbaktu
then...
what can we do bout that part of our hearts?
to soften that harden heart?
to find the key and unlock it?
what can we do to reverse everything and start all over again?
what can we do to let go and trust again?

"hate that i love you"

he doesnt understand this song by ne-yo and rihanna.
sometimes i dont even know whether he's acting dumb or he's really dumb
when i get angry with him, this song comes into mind


i told him that day
the reason why i cant look at him when im angry
is because then i cant help but smile and let the anger seep away
then he'll win....!
he'll win the war
no way am i gonna let him win

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

can u feel it?
can u sense it?
is it obvious to u as it is to me?
why can't u see it the way i do?
aren't u worried?
aren't u scared?


i know that everyone is different
but it just kills me that u act like it's nothing
how would u feel if i was like that?
so what if ur not reacting the same way as the person?
but ur letting the person do it to u right?
aren't u opening a hole of possibilities?
of chances?
if one day it really happens, how will u react?
what would u do to stop it then?
will u even let me know?





whatever

his 21st

yesterday was his 21st bday. i didnt managed to get him an expensive present. it's not to say that i dont have the money to do so, just that i cant afford to spend so much in a day. because if i do, i have to eat bread for the next few months and he'll kill me for spending so much. he'll love it but he'll kill me at the same time. hehe =) not so 'kua cheong' la but still. sigh. but im glad that he liked my gift even though it was simple.


on monday night, we went to the lookout point @ ampang. but i dont think it's ampang. the receipt says it's ulu langat. whatever. where ever it is.... we took bout an hour to reach there. it was my estimated time because i knew we would get lost and we really got lost, we had to call the place to ask for directions. all in all, it was a pretty fun ride. but when we reached the signboard saying that it's bout 3 km ahead, we were all shouting for joy! haha. i was holding the bday cake and i kept asking him whether i could eat it cuz we were so hungry already.


by the time we finished our dinner, it was already 10 and we didnt manage to take much pictures because jessica had her early-1-hour-cinderella-time. so we rushed back to her place for the cutting cake ceremony. will be sure to take more pictures of the place when we go back there some time soon (i hope). haha. i really loved the scenery, loved the food, loved the place. we ate at Gasoline. sounds weird i know but the price was reasonable and the food was tasty =)


so yesterday was his real bday. we took away some food for lunch from the shop at damansara perdana and came home to eat and watched JUNO. please please please do not watch it. it's such a waste-of-time show.


after watching Juno, we headed on to midvalley cuz it's been a long time since we've been there and we wanted to try the garden's cinema which was called GSC Signature. we ate nando's for dinner. we wanted to try some place else but thinking that we've already spent so much on the movie, might as well choose some place that is not so expensive.

this was on the bridge connecting midvalley and the gardens

waiting for the show to start

taken outside of this really really pretty place

walking in


GSC Signature only offer Premiere class or Gold class
we chose premiere class and already it's so classy
there's about 7 rows of 2 seated red cushioned chairs
really spacious with a movable middle arm rest
with side small tables to put our drinks or food
the seat is recline-able (is there such a word?)

of course the place is so comfortable
we paid rm18 per seat
a whole rm 36 to be exact
they even have cafe's for us to order our food from
or u can choose the classic pop-corn + drink
or a 1901 hot dog?
or a small tub of haagen daz ice cream =)

there's more pictures to come. once i get it from yian =)


"the best thing u can do is find a person who loves u for exactly what u are. good mood, bad mood. ugly, pretty."

from the movie Juno
that is exactly what he has been to me

ps. those who wants to go to the lookout point, i suggest u to park at the carpark and walk ur way up. because there's limited parking up there and only one way up and one way down. by the time it's 10 plus, the place will be extremely crowded. mind u, we went on a monday night.

bijou

bijou @ mont. kiara

mamak
we wanted to have breakfast at bijou
but on weekdays they only open from 12
hence, the roti canai's

finally bijou opened
li teng and her friend joined us as well

miss u so much babes!

the place was so comfortable and nice!
i really really love it
hope my house will look like that next time
dear, pls work hard!




our food arrived

pan fried fish fillet or something like that
it was fish

bijou burger i think

spagetti with prawns
cant really remember the names
all the names were super chun

the ambiance and decor was really really pretty but the food was so so. i didnt really like it for the price that i was paying. everything was simply perfect. to sum it all up, everything was amazing. from the decorations, to the environment, to the surroundings, to the service, to the menus, to the nice photo taking place, everything was wonderful. oh yeah...... the price was breathtaking as well. it really took my breath away for the portions that they serve.

dont get me wrong. i adore adore adore fine dining. i love the way they make the dishes look so nice. but i would definitely not pay that much for a small portion. i thank God that we ate roti canai before lunch. poor li teng and friend who i think didnt get a proper deserved lunch.





dear, besides working hard for more money for US to spend. go study some culinary course so that u can serve me some "fine dining" kind of dish at our very own home in the future. let me say THANK YOU in advance *angelic grin* =D

first interview

today i went for my very first interview. it was really short notice. she called me before i was bout to go out for lunch with kevin. she was mumbling and talking so fast that i couldnt even hear her name and the company's name properly. oh my goodness. after much contemplating and hard-force-myself decision making (i hate hate making decisions), we decided to go for the interview. thank goodness kevin was there to teman me

before i continue, i had to choose whether i was going for the interview was because i had another job offer from my friend's kindy. there's a job opening as an asst. teacher to my friend for 5 year olds. not really what i want because i wanna teach younger kids. that's why the hard-force-myself decision making

we reached plaza mont. kiara later than the intended time because of jam and we were trying to find car park in the weird basement of plaza mont. kiara. we were trying to find the lift to get out of the car park. however, it was easy to find the company. it's called frost & sullivan. so funny right the name? ahha. we went in and the receptionist wasnt friendly but after a while she was la. she gave me a form to fill out before going for the interview. i hate filling up these forms.

u see... i didnt realize it was an interview, interview. like a formal one...? she said she just need me to come in and then we'll sit down and chat. and she asked me to bring my results and transcripts and such. and i was like what...? not ready... so she said nevermind, it's okay, just come in and we'll talk for a short while.

so when we got into the office, everyone was dressing so formally and li teng and her friends (which i cant remember their names) were also dressed very nicely. the guys was wearing button down shirt and tie i think. if i remember correctly. and they are like part time workers man....! oh my goodness. dress so nice. i straight away did a mental run through of my wardrobe seeing what i can wear and what i cant wear. and i realize that i have nothing formal. tops maybe but no formal pants or skirt. shit...! oh wells, if i get the job, i can go shopping. hehe =)

but..... after the interview, i dont think im really keen on getting the job. before i went for the interview, i prayed and ask God that if this wasnt the job for me, pls just smack the door shut at my face. and really God has His sense of humor. it was kind of like a smack in the face because it wasnt really the job that i thought it would be. long story bout the interview because i'll bore u guys to death. ask kevin, he was bored to death when i came out. haha.

now, as i have some time to think bout it and going through the interview session, i am VERY certain that i will not take the job. they arent sure whether they wanna hire me because i might be going for a holiday in march and also because i can only start next week. the only reason why i wanted to get that job was because of the pay. and money cant buy happiness and money is not everything.

in the end of the day, God can make things aligned to His will. He will let us go through it, but slowly and surely, He will lead us back to where He wants us to be.



swaying far far away from my purpose of this post, i will not be able to visit wing lian before may because my mum wants to go hong kong instead. she said dont wanna disturb him when he hasnt settled down yet. besides, he'll be there for a long long time. not being able to visit him means not able to visit justina as well. sorry babes. we'll go have our own trip to somewhere la =)

job

i know i should get a job soon. but what? i wanna work at the office this time round. no more cats whiskers. but where? and im very choosy one.... arghhhh....! anyone knows of any job openings? anyone wanna hire me? ahhaha bahs!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

to my darling sweetheart, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! this is our 2nd valentines day together and im hoping for more to come.


this year we decided to celebrate it a little different. no exchange of gifts but definitely a dinner some time next week. obviously we're not gonna spend on a day where prices go as high as the clouds and with no other dishes to choose from besides over priced valentines set meals.


i've decided to agree on the "no gift exchange" solely because it's his 21st birthday this year. gotta save up for the day u know? =)







i remember few years back. when i didnt have a boyfriend. everything seemed so different. esp. on valentines day. i would look at all the couples and get depressed. remembering bout someone who broke my heart for the very first time. who crushed it into a million pieces. i would spend valentines day with justina or my other girlfriends.



but the story has changed on june 23, 2006.
someone special came into my life
someone who has challenged me in my faith
someone who has caused me to grow up
someone who i can count on
someone who i can do silly things with

someone who loves kids as much as i do



HAPPY VALENTINES
BABY!

forced to do so

i was forced by the boyfriend to write a post bout him and for him. haha. i have to write something sweet for him to read when he gets back later. but im too lazy and im in no mood to write bout sweet things. gosh...... we're gonna be 2 years and already the lack of romance. ahah. kidding! hahaa.


i've written a nice post before this. so it should be enough right babe? my brain is not functioning after a few months of not studying. guess it's time to find for work....? dont worry. wont be choosing cats anymore. maybe will try siew ling's kindy. will think bout it. cuz i wanna go aussieland to visit wing lian and justina (when she goes back). but not sure yet la. sigh


im quite sad that i cant visit nelson&yvonne tmr. sigh. it's not just a visit but also a dinner cooked by him. which i havent tried before. but what can i do....? i have family dinner. but but but.... im sure there'll be another opportunity right...??? aih. i hate it when plans clash and i have to choose. sheesh.


wish me good luck for tmr. im scared. actually the word scared is an understatement. im more like terrified, horrified, anxious, queasy, nervous, all add up together. i just have to think of the ang pau's. haha. im so horrible la. aww man. i should stop now. take care!!!!!! =)

miss him! =(

on a happier note..... my baby is coming back today. dont know what time. but he's coming back!!!! yay!!!! so happy! cant wait to see him. but i wont be able to see him tonight cuz i have dinner and im sure he's gonna have dinner in klang as well. sigh. just gotta wait for tmr then. im kinda scared bout tmr cuz it's gonna be my first time visiting his mum's side of the family.


i've never seen his aunties before. i saw one of them, but it was just passing of keys through the car window. that's all. on the other hand, i've seen his grandparents the other day, and they are scary. i cant even speak fluent mandarin for goodness sake! awww man. i cant speak fluent mandarin and hokkien is out of the question. sigh!


*edit*
felt it was abit too harsh =)

the silly things that he lets me do to him
that's why i LOVEEEE him so much!
HAHAHA. just joking la
*angelic grin* =)
and dont mind bout the mountain load of hangers in the background,
i was just clearing my cupboard. ahhaa

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

as i was reading blogs, i just realized how boring i am. i have nothing better to do besides sitting at home, watching tv, watching movies that i've watched a 100 times, reading blogs of people that i dont even know. oh my goodness. sigh. this year is definitely more boring. with lesser visitations. tonight is my first family-family dinner at my ann ah yi's house. i cant wait to get out of this house. im amazed at how i managed to stay home.

how pathetic am i right? but oh wells, that's what chinese new year for... staying home, spending time, having family dinners which is quite weird cuz normally we dont sit on the dining table and eat as a family. we have 2 small tables that is fit for one person that is right in front of the tv 24/7. it's nice to eat as a family at the dining table for a change. however, it's not really a family because wing lian is not here.




wing lian, if ur reading this, papa wants me to let u know that they've changed the positions of the furnitures downstairs..... again. i still like the previous arrangements though. however, i wont be able to show u much pictures because u know......... i dont have a nice, black, nikon, 8.1 megapixels. is it a nikon? it's a nikon right? hahaha. i can only show u his work of art with my trusty 2 megapixels camera phone, which im planning to change. =P

cookie
she has her brother, harry, over for a while
euginie didnt want it, so we have to give him back
dont wanna keep him because he's a super hyper, ugly dog
and he's way way skinnier than cookie. duh right? haha

it's YOUR year!!!!!

cute huh?
with the faces and tails making a shape of a heart

the pink ones is papa's work of art

a much closer look

and my festive toes
ahhaha
pls dont say that it looks like a ghost feet
*roar*

baby maiara

i hope that i spelt her name correctly. kevin and i went and visit siew peng yesterday. we thought her name was spelt as myra. but it wasnt. it's so unique and she's so adorable! her hands and feet are so tiny. she's SO tiny. oh gosh! i didnt even dare to carry her. afraid that i might drop or hurt her

1st cg on the outside

this year rachel, jessica, and i have moved on to the college group. i felt really weird going to this new group. it's like completing high school all over again. having to find new friends and getting used to them. what more with ashley being so different from delicia. i guess i just need time adjusting.


we had our first cg on the outside last month. we had american breakfast and vision casting. the food was soooooooooooo good. i was stuffed. ahaha.

our yummy food
we had this, 2 types of campbell soup and salad
imagine how stuffed we were
i didnt eat lunch after that

danielle

we were taking tons and tons of pictures
ahhaha
as many ppl would call it as "cam-whoring" or something like that
i just dont like that word
so i refuse to use it


a really comfy chair



cia.... u've accomplished ur work
she wouldnt stop closing one eye
every time we say take picture, she'll close one eye
bahs

pics from my family trip

oh boy...
the silly things we do
haha

couldnt find our supper place
so had to settle for mcd's

yes... call us kiasu
actually, call my dad kiasu

euginie, ellie, uncle tongan

this place was really nice
couldnt take pictures inside though
they said no pictures =(

ginie

yes, i was smsing kevin =)
a weird rojak
really really weird

after a million years

i had andrew's hard disk for bout 2 days last week cuz i wanted to do a montage for a presentation in church on sunday. i didnt sleep much cuz i was rushing to get the video done. however, on that day, we couldnt find the video on andrew's super cluttered desktop. seriously.... and he's only using a laptop u know. amazing how his laptop can function with the gazillion stuff on it. ahha. anyways, so i managed to curi pictures after a million years. i havent gotten picture from the year 2006. i cant even remember some of the pictures that i've taken. haha

WARNING!!!!!!
this is gonna be a picture post

teenstreet 06


cc lantern party 07


always there for me to lean on

ashley & mei kin

YF camp 07

crazy girl

my roomies!!!
miss them soo soo much...
especially claire, who will not let us sleep



kiss kiss

watchnight 07

how much she has grown