friends

one is known and popular when one has countless number of friends. when one is known among people and is constantly in people memories. it can be said that having friends is one of the necessities in life. without having at least one friend, we may feel "lost". no one to talk to, no one to confide with, no one to share life's unexpected turns.



for me, ever since high school, it has gone down hill. what do i mean, u ask... let's just say that during high school, it was easy for me to find friends. soon, they became my closest friends. it's easy because i see them everyday in school. spending time with them. ever since i left high school, it has been hard for me to keep in touch. im not very good in keeping in touch. guess that's when i lost them.


im only good in keeping in touch when i have a common place to meet them. like school, i see them more often because u have to go there for 5 days a week. some people say that u spend more time with friends at school than u do with ur family. once school isnt a common place for me and my friends, slowly, i begin to lose contact with them.



i started working in cats whiskers at bangsar. and it felt weird because here i was meeting new people. and after a week or so, they were like my friends. they were nice to me. talk to me bout everything. shared with me bout their lives. and it made me feel like i was a part of them. they were the ones who made me enjoy working at cats even though it was tiring. it was kinda like back at high school... where u cant wait for the next day to come so that u can go to school and meet ur friends.


when i entered into college, it was a whole new scenario. having "thousands" of people in the same building. seeing the same faces everyday except that u dont know their names. im quite good at faces. once i've seen u, i can remember u the next time. i guess that's the worse part. i remember them but they dont remember me.



it was worse when i started class and we only have like 5-6 people in the class. then we hung out and ate lunch together. then botswana students came in. and everyone separated, finding their own cliques. by then, i wasnt close to the 5-6 people anymore. and whenever i see them in the hallway or in college itself, they just pretended that they dont know me and walk pass me.


that was the worst part. when people u knew back then, just walk pass u and pretend they didnt know u. not even a single "hello" or a smile. i felt like an idiot when i smiled at them. it was really sad for me because by then i realize how hard it is to find people whom u can call "friend". i mean i had a few friends that i ate lunch with, studied with, and hung out with but still.... i felt like i didnt belong anywhere. i felt so horrible because i wasnt close to my high school friends anymore.



now, here i am. working at cats again. hoping to find friends. the kinda friends that makes me wanna go back to work the next day. but the people that im working with now.....makes me dread coming to work. because they are the exact same people like my college "friends".


i just feel that im one of the characters in a book. one that is spoken about and then after a while, if u dont read the book anymore, u'll forget bout the character and what happened to the character.



while writing bout this post, it reminded me of the song - who am i by casting crowns. and it's really true. that we're like a flower quickly fading, a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind but still he choose to care and call us His.




peace came over me because after all that i've felt... at least i have God, my Father, my Lover, my FRIEND to count on. im sure His love for me and His longing to be my friend is greater than anyone here on earth.