Sunday, June 05, 2005

my heart bleeds...

i dunno what has happened to me. i was feeling better a while ago. i guess when i saw someone's nick, it made me really really sad. i was so happy that i get to go to carene's house in sungai petani. it is super super big. and hot. but big. but kinda run down la. and her cousin is super cute man! haha. anyways, i was enjoying the time there. with her nice and wonderful family. they are very very funny and friendly. haha. really nice to be with. i was enjoying God's wonderful art. the sky and clouds was so beautiful. even the padi fields. so so big and beautiful. it made me thank God for creating such a nice environment.

have u ever tried to forget that "special" someone but cant? it seriously hurts. and i hate that feeling man. makes me depressed everytime. and exasperated. i just want to cry and scream till i have no more voice. i want to forget bout him and everything he has put me through. but i just cant! help me! argh!!!! i know we cant just forget someone but i just want to put him in one small little corner of my heart. but i just cant! why?! someone please tell me why! sometimes i wish that i dont have any feelings. then i can just live life carelessly. just super frustrating! hate it! argh! i know there's this saying that u shouldnt get back with someone that u have let go. but its just hard la! ugh!!!!!!

4 comments:

val said...

*hugz*

yes, it's hard but Jesus can help. trust Him for a better man in the future. it's easier to let go mr.wrong when you trust Him for mr.right.

the faster u let go, the faster u will heal & the faster u can grow 2b urself again, make more friends, be joyful, be ready, be a blessing & attract mr.right that God is preparing just for u.

it takes years for d moulding of our characters to be well suited for our life partner so that the relationship & marriage will work coz God's heart is in strong families. t/f, let go of the past so that God can start to make you a bright future.

take this time of waiting to pray for ur mr. right so that he will also avail himself to God's moulding in his life too, then when u2 meet in a few years time, u will recognise each other & be a blessing to each other & to others!!

esther said...

sigh. sometimes i wish im a robot. like when im ordered to forget bout the past. i can just straight away forget bout it. haha. but of course not other things la. sometimes i really wonder why am i going through this stuff. and wonder why cant i just move on. i know the answer. its said in 2nd corinthians 1:3&4.

many a times i wish i know why im going through stuff so that i wont need to suffer the process of it. but i guess it helps us to increase the faith we have in God huh.

i feel like such a hypocrite. its like i know all the answers to the questions that i ask. but i still wont do it and sit around and fret bout it. ugh!

val said...

yeah, it took me 1 year to 'forget' my crushes last time... but, if you are determined, God will help you & you will move on ultimately.

some practical things i did was - get involved in serving God so that i hardly have too much time on my hands to look back & mull over the past & my feelings.

Getting involved with followup/bible studies/praying together/evangelism helps me make new friends... hearing other people's problems also helped me realise that mine isn't too bad...

putting my whole heart into some church projects & enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done helps forget sad things & what could have been.

also, get a new set of friends to hangout with, exercise with (exercise releases a chemical in our bodies that lifts up our spirits & make us happy!), chat with so that that certain person's name won't come up so often...

no promises, but it worked for me over a period of time... hopefully it works for you too - try it!

esther said...

yeah. hopefully it'll work for me. i think i should start putting all my time and energy in living righteously for GOD instead of liking a person who couldnt care less bout me. who takes me for granted. bahhh, just hate what he did to me. hate it hate it. grrrrrr. im trying to forget. but everytime i try to forget, then something will pop up to remind me of him again.