awesome God!

hmmm.. i havent been updating my blog recently. sooooo.. have a few things to say. hehe. here goes..... =)

well, from all my old posts, some of u will know that im very depressed bout some guy. let me rephrase that. HAVE BEEN...depressed bout some guy. but i can finally say that God healed me from my broken past & wounded heart. i know i know. u might say, "bahhhsss!!! she says that all the time. then the next thing u know...she'll be back down the depression lane." but but... let me finish. now im 100%...ok ok.. not really 100% but like 85.5% better already. im feeling so much joy than i have ever felt since last year. but i cant say that i've wasted the whole of last year fretting bout the same guy(who *holds up pointer finger* by now...is nothing more than a friend and a past...but who knows what the future may bring ehh.. ok ok) i really wanna thank God for teaching me perseverance. how to be strong and all. of course i didnt do it alone. i did it with my God-given friends and family and of course GOD! who could have ever done it without Him!

now, i cant say that i dont think bout our past anymore. but all that's left is the sweet memory. i no longer fret bout it but i thank God for at least giving me a chance to be with him for a while. it certainly made me be a little more matured. emmm, i think so la. hahaa. anyway, i no longer sit and mop around(not mopping the floor..but being sad and all) but i can concentrate my attention on things that are more important in my life.

oh oh.. and i have a prayer request. my family is going through some financial problem now. i cant find the courage to face the facts....but yess.. we are facing some financial problem. so pls pray for my family. thanks!

and for my studies u might ask... im currently in a dilemma. not over which courses to choose or which college.. my mum has practically chose them for me. maybe cuz she's fed up of me not knowing what to do. i dont know. so im gonna do a foundation first since i dont know what i wanna do. and ill be 100% in kdu. i have no say whatsoever in which college i can attend. cuz she said in kdu can have sibling discount and blablabla.(practically shut my ear once i heard i cant choose...ok..maybe that's a bad thing to do...but that's the truth =) )

so anyway.. back to my dilemma. emmmm, as i mentioned just now bout my family's financial problem.. well, this morning my dad was complaining and complaining bout the increase of petrol money and blablabla. so it got me thinking bout my studies. as some of u know, im SERIOUSLY not into studying. u might say, "who's into studying anyway.." but im really ANTI-STUDYING!!!! hahaa.. and since im on the anti-studying program...so it'll be a waste of money when i go and study. and i talked to my teacher...she said i can work in school like starting next month(which is tmr...cant wait!) to pay off my school fees. and i thought that's not a bad idea. maybe i can stay there permanently and teach and never ever go to college. hahaha. since my mum wanted me to teach in a montessory. so why dont i just work in my school.. isnt that the same? sooooo...i dont know what im gonna do. maybe ill talk to my mum bout this. but im pretty sure that ill end up in college.. i dont know why. ahhaa. just have the feeling u know. haha

*im Yours*

oh Lord
when i think of all You've done
my heart sings of Your love
that saved my soul
and made me whole
my life is Yours

cause You paid the price
i give You my life, im Yours

so no matter what the cost
i will go for You
no matter what it takes, im Yours
because You paid the price at Calvary
i give You my whole life, im Yours

oh Lord
my everything to You i lift
my heart and soul i live
for You alone
im not my own
my life is Yours

im Yours
Jesus im Yours

aw man

sigh.. i dont mean to be sad. and i dont mean to write yet another sad and depressed post. but i cant help but feel that way now. i kept getting reminded that tmr is valentine's day. i mean what the heck la. i know how to keep track of the days. and stop rubbing it in my face that i dont have a "special partner" to share it with. i really do hope that i could answer YESSS!!!! I HAVE A SPECIAL SOMEONE TO SHARE TMR WITHHHH!!!! but i've gotta face the truth. that tmr is gonna be like any other day. doing my usual stuffs.

i cant help but go back in time. when i had someone to share the "lovey-dovey day" with. i cant help but think that tmr everyone will have a nice and romantic time with their partners while ill be home, dreading the minutes that passes by. im not saying that i want to spend all my money on the day where every price goes way up. and im not saying that im complaining bout what im going through. and im not saying that im still stuck in the i-cant-let-go moment. im totally through with that. im so done of wishing he will come back to me again.

so after all is said and done....why do i still feel like s**t??!! why do i feel as crappy as before? isit because i have no one other than myself to spend tmr with? isit because i have no life?

im sorry if u feel depressed after reading this. but i cant help it. i really needed to say what my heart wants me to say. i just needed to let it all out. hehe =) now i feel a little better

*u will never walk alone*

along life's road
there will be sunshine and rain
roses and thorns, laughter and pain
and cross the miles
u will face mountains so steep
deserts so long and valleys so deep

sometimes the journey's gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want u to remember
i want u to know

u will never walk alone
as long as u have faith
Jesus will be right beside u all the way
and u maybe feel that ur far from home
but home is where He is
He'll be there down every road
u will never walk alone

the path will wind
u will find wonders and fears
labors of love and a few falling tears
across the years
there will be some twist and turns
mistakes to make and lessons to learn

sometimes the journey's gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want u to remember
wherever u may go

u will never walk alone
as long as u have faith
Jesus will be right beside u all the way
and u may feel ur far from home
but home is where He is
He'll be there down every road
u will never walk alone

Jesus knows ur joy
Jesus knows ur need
He will go the distance with u faithfully

the girl's caregroup sang this song last time for passion&fire. and this song has really touched me. really reminded me once again that God wont let us walk alone. it's only cuz we choose to neglect Him that's why we feel like we're all alone. and also that we choose to do things by ourselves and not let God control things and situations that's why we feel like God is never there.

depressed meh? hahaa

my blog very depressing meh??? where gott!!! but but... i write happy stuffs too. i dont ALWAYS write sad stuff.. hahaha. awww man... it's not depressing laaa.. hhahaa..

last night we had dinner for just. cuz she's gonna go back soon! *sob sob* =( we went to chilli's 1u. me, mich, lay yan, yian, cia, and just. it was a really fun time! as usual we made tons of noise, laugh and crap bout silly things. we were sooo hungry that when the food came. we ate like barbarians man. ahhaha.

we took loads of pictures. so when i get it i shall post it here la. too bad we dont have pictures of the food cuz we ate the food too fast. hahaha. when we were done with the food...then yian was like... we should have taken pictures of the food la!!! hahaha. but too bad. all that was left was like bits and pieces of food and bones. ahhaha. but the service there is really bad. ish ish.

we were laughing so much...i think the next time when we go there.. they will probably want to shoo us away. ahhaa. we laughed and laughed and talk soooo loudly. and as usual. mich was always the brave one. calling the waitor or waitress. sneezing loudly. talking loudly. moving all around the restaurant. ahhaha. but whatever she did made the night more.... emmmmm... exciting? hahahaha. lol. but we had a great night la. and after the dinner we went back to just's house cuz mich composed a song for justina. aww mannn.. really want to cry diii...

JUSTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY DEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT GO BACK TO AUSSIELAND!!!! when i saw her bag like full of clothes, i really wanted to take it all out and unpack for her. dont want her to go back!!! dont go back!!!! no no no!!!! *sob sob* *tear*

keys to my heart

i was quite bored. so i decided to do this survey. hehe..

u are attracted to those who have split personality - cold as ice on the outside and hot as fire on the outside.. (emm..not really. haha.)

in love, u feel the most alive when ur partner is patient and never willing to give up on u

u'd like ur lover to think u are loyal and faithful... that u'll never change... ( but im like that mar.. hehehe)

u would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance

ur ideal relationship is comforting. u crave a relationship where u feel warmth and love

ur risk of cheating is zero. u care bout society and immorality. u would never break a commitment

u think of marriage as something precious. u'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

in this moment, u think of love as commitment. love only works when 2 ppl are devoted.

*dont forget bout us*

dont baby, dont baby, dont let it go
no baby, no baby, no baby no
dont baby, dont baby, dont let it go
my baby boy

just let it die
with no goodbyes
details dont matter
we both paid the price
tears in my eyes
u know sometimes
i'd be like that baby

now everytime i see u
i pretend im fine
when i wanna reach out to u
but i turn i walk and i let it ride
baby i must confess
we were bigger than anything
remember us at our best
and dont forget bout

late nights, playing in the dark
and waking up inside my arms
boy, u'll always be in my heart and
i can see it in ur eyes
u still want it
so dont forget bout us

im just speaking from experience
nothing can compare to ur first true love
so i hope this will remind u
when it's for real, it's forever
so dont forget bout us

oh they say
that ur in a new relationship
but we both know
nothing comes close to
what we had, it perseveres
that we both cant forget it
how good we used to get it

there's only one me and u
and how we used to shine
no matter what u go through
we are one, that's a fact
that u cant deny
so baby we cant just let
the fire pass us by
forever we'd both regret
so dont forget bout

and if she's got ur head all messed up now
that's the trickery
she'll wanna have like u know how this loving should be
i bet she cant do like me
she'll never be EK

a moment of sadness

just came back from sending natalie off. me, kim, and jie. the atmosphere it the car was really funny. we were like laughing and crapping all the way. we wanted to surprise nat...so we told her that we couldnt make it due to some circumstances. and she was so devastated. like really really sad and all..tears was at the verge of breaking out.

so we said our goodbyes through the phone. wishing each other well. saying we'll miss each other cuz there wont be times where we can simply call each other and just talk bout anything under the sun. or times where we call each other and ask each other to go out. but we left late to the airport. so we were pretty scared that she would board the plane. so we had to call her to tell her the truth. haha. and she couldnt believe her ears.

so as we bid her goodbye, tears were unstoppable. though this is not her first time leaving...she came back for hols...but we didnt get to send her off the first time. therefore, we went today. it was really sad. and she couldnt pass through u know the place where u have to put ur passport there. she went like to 2 different places to go in. haha. i really wanted to laugh but the sadness got the better of me and kim.

it really felt weird. cuz i couldnt believe what's happening before me. like saying goodbye to her. seeing her going down the escalator. and not to forget... seeing her carry 3 heavy bags. seeing her wave before she walks in. it was really surreal. i couldnt believe my eyes.

after that..as we got into the car..the atmosphere was really gloomy. we didnt have mood to laugh and didnt have the mood to crap. we started to think bout next time where slowly one by one of our gang will leave overseas. going to different parts of the world. going to different colleges and unis. pursuing different dreams. i mean now it's already happening. nat and shin thong left di. soon it'll be kim. soon it'll be i dont know who. dont even want to think anymore. it'll be too sad. imagine how many times we have to go to the airport to see like 20 over ppl off. it'll be like 20 over times man. devastating. sigh

do unto others what u want them to do unto u

sometimes i wonder whether this verse really means anything.
sometimes i wonder why it doesnt happen to me
or maybe i dont notice it
do i expect too much from my friends?
do i expect them to care bout me like the way i care bout them?
i dont mean to be perasan.
and i dont mean to say that this happens everytime
and i dont mean i dont do bad things to my friends
i dont mean to say im perfect
i guess im putting too high an expectation on some of my friends
especially my close friends

why didnt that person call when i asked her to...to say whether she's going to a friend's house?
why did i have to call? and to find out that she's already there
why did i have to think so much?
and add on my uncertainties

i hate wondering
i hate thinking too much
i hate myself for being a little too sensitive sometimes.
i hate worrying

mahjong night!

i used to watch chinese movies and wonder what's so nice bout playing mahjong. but during one day last year...i've learned the art of mahjong. and gosh! nothing could stop me from playing it everyday. even when my school started, once i get back home, ill receive calls asking me to play mahjong. and we'll play and play everyday. and we never got sick of it. till after a few months. then we kinda got sick of it. the fire slowly died down. hahaa. and that was also when nat & shin thong had to leave for new zealand. though we still had the itch to play, it didnt get the best of us. haha.

so on wednesday night.. i went to play mahjong in nat's house. with jeremy, alicia, clarence, and joey. woah! it's been a long long long LONG LONG time since i've seen them.. i think joey not that long la.. but the rest was the longest. i think since last year. hahaa. when we all were super crazy over mahjong. dont get me wrong. im not saying that im not crazy over mahjong anymore. i still am. but only when i dont lose anything. ahahahaha!! so anyway, i finally manage to cure my itch from mahjong. long long time since i've played cuz my mahjong kaki's is either overseas or busy.

oh gosh! the worse part was i lost so much to clarence. once i had less a tile. dont know what it's called in chinese. ahhaa. and most of the time i threw out a tile that clarence needs. and that's like in the beginning of the game man!!! hahaha. seriously wanted to kill myself! ughhh! hahaha. but at least i manage to win some money back. lol. but in the end of the night, or should i say morning, i had rm1.50 left. i won it during the last game from alicia. can u believe it????? can u believe it????? seriously.. kill me. hahaha. i think ill still want to play mahjong. but ill only play with money when im really good at it. hahaha. scared of it diii.