IM SO HAPPY!!!!

finally!!!! im soooo happy!!!! haha.. i've got 3 confirmation that im not chosen for NS. andrew keeps scaring me last time that he'll pray that ill get chosen and stuff like that. but for me, i always knew that God would not get me chosen cuz He knows me too well and He knows that ill die and cry every night if i got chosen. but of course i had a little doubt for a while. but after that. i had peace in my heart. knowing that i wont get chosen at all. i've called, smsed, and even checked the website. and everything said that im not chosen! just now.. when the guy told me that im not chosen. i wanted to scream at his ear. seriously!!! ahha. but i just ended up saying oh thank u.. byeeee! haha. IM SO HAPPY SO HAPPY SO HAPPY!!!!! *jumps for joy!!!* let's celebrate!!! come on let's celebrate.. but wait!!! i just remembered im broke.. bahsss.. i better get back to my saving mode man. i could do it last year. why cant i do it this year. somemore i dont have to pay to reload my credit. dont need to pay for my lunch. since its all been paid for by my parents. im really blessed. so why do i always end up broke by the end of the month? awww man.. i better keep track with what im spending. i cant seem to remember what i spent with all my money. oh yeah..

i've been finding for an iron. not those to iron ur clothes la. but to straighten ur hair not permanently that kinda thing. cuz my mum said it would be a waste of money if i did a permanent one. and if i hate how i look, i cant just force it to get back to normal. so i wanted to get an iron. and i've been finding for it. i wanted to ask uncle micheal a.k.a my mum's friend a.k.a our hairdresser cuz it would be cheaper if he gets it since he is like a hair stylist and all. but my mum didnt let. but yesterday.. when we went to cut our hair. i decided to give it a try and ask my mum to ask him. so she asked. and he was like actually i have a extra pair that im not using. and he gave it to me for freeeeeeeee!!! can u believe it???!!! seriously. all thanks to God! He knows exactly what i want. im so grateful and thankful that he gave it to us for free.. cuz it costs around 200 plus for that thing. cuz that's what those saloon ppl use.. a really good one.. THANK U MY BIG DADDY UP THERE! haha. actually, to tell u the truth, i didnt really thank God when i got it for free. i just felt happy that i got it for free. but now. when im writing it here. i realize that actually God knows whatever my heart desires. and i realize that without Him, i wont be able to get free things. without Him, i wont have a trustworthy person to go on in life. and we look for a person or thing in our whole life to fulfill what we need and want but actually the answer is really simple. it all lies in our God. He can fulfill anything!

nothing much to say actually

i have nothing much to say this few days. cuz i've been going through the usual stuffs. so i guess u guys know what im feeling di. last night we had a dinner in italiannies for me and kim's bday and a farewell party for nat and shin thong. it was superb. i was treated really nicely by someone special *wink wink* haha. i was happy that night la.. it was a really long time since he has cared for me like that. i was really glad. really hope that it will continue longer until death do us part. lolz. i hope that my wishes come true too. lolz. it was fun la. we made loads of noise, took loads of pictures(which we always do) till all the shops closed and then the manager had to stand near our table to like HINT to us that he wants us to leave. haha. but the whole time there was great! kim's emmmm. "lou gong chai" paid for everyone. there were like almost 16 ppl. and he paid for everyone!!! wasnt it amazing?! haha. sooo happy! i have a great time AND a free dinner!!! seeee! u do get something free once in a while.. lolz

*miles apart*

if i could i would do all of this again
travel back in time with u to where this all began
we could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind
and make believe there's something left to find

we'll be miles apart
ill keep u deep inside
ur always in my heart
a new life to start
u may be leaving but ur always in my heart

now we've all grown up, u've gone on and moved away
nothing i can do about it, nothing i can say
to bring us back to where we were when life was not this hard
looking back, it all seems so far, so far away

id give it up just to have one day with u
give it up just for one more day

i need u now, we're miles apart
ill keep u deep inside
ur always in my heart
i need u now, we're miles apart
u may be leaving, but ur always in my heart

*ocean avenue*(half of it)

if i could find u now, things would get better
we could leave this town and run forever
let ur waves crash down on me and take me away

there's a piece of u that's here with me
its everywhere i go, its everything i see
when i sleep, i dream and it gets me by
i can make believe that ur here tonight

i remember the look in ur eyes and voice
when i told u that this was goodbye
u were begging me not tonight
not here, not now
we're looking up at the same night sky
and keep pretending the sun will not rise
we'll be together for one more night somewhere, somehow

*only one*

broken, this fragile thing now
and i cant, i cant pick up the pieces
and i've thrown my words all around
but i cant, i cant give u a reason

i feel so broken up
and i give up
i just want to tell u, so u know

here i go, scream my lungs out and try to get to u
u are my only one
id let go, but there's just no one who gets me like u do
u are my only, my only one

made my mistakes, let u down
and i cant, i cant hold on for too long
ran my whole life in the ground
and i cant, i cant get up when ur gone

and something's breaking up
i feel like giving up
i wont walk out until u know

here i go, so dishonestly
leave a note, for u my only one
and i know u can see right through me
so let me go and u will find someone

u are my only, my only one

dont know what to say

okay i have so much in my head. where i dont know where to start. cuz its been a long time since i've written. there was this question that my friend asked my teacher in school during our devotion(what we do every morning) he asked why everytime when we're having fun or having a great time. surely after that there's something bad happened.. u might be wondering what am i talking bout. let me give u one example that happened to me today. no wait. actually, its everytime i go out! i went out today. which was very normal! and then when i came home and everything, my mum said tmr dont need to call me to ask me whether u can go out di. cuz u are not going out anymore. then she said that i always go out day and night, night and day. i mean like what the heck?! monday i didnt even go out. tuesday i just went out for like 2 hours to yam cha. today i went out and came back around 6. LIKE HARLO???!!!! for goodness sake!!!! ughhhhhhhhhh!!! last time, i sneak out cuz i was too scared of her and everything. and somemore she always like dont let me do this dont let me do that. i mean like cant she see that's she's choking me with all this things. then she told me that next time when i want to go out, no matter what just tell her. and now!!!! u see!!! does she think that im a thing that she can just simply push around with? i know that everyone is not perfect. butttt.. sighhhh.. i just dont know la.. i dont know what to say anymore. and last time. there was once she complained again that i got so SO sick of her complaining that i decided not to go di. i mean i just wanted to go to my friends house. so anyway, i canceled it. then when my mum came back. she was so surprised that im home. she was like.. ehhhh.. why didnt go out one?! her face had a huge question mark. i was like so shocked and disgusted by her question. i was like. didnt even care bout her. i didnt even answer her. i know its bad. and i know that we should respect our parents. but how????!!!! when ur put in this weird situation!!! tell me!!!!! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! sometimes i wonder why am i breathing this air that i breathe. why am i alive here in this world. why did God chose me to go through this. does He really think that im THAT strong to go through this? maybe He's testing me and teaching me to go to Him whenever im sad. i just cant take this anymore. there's no more a reason for me to actually smile.

do u think that im stupid? liking someone who doesnt even care about me? who treats me like a float(direct translate from cantonese). who only wants me to accompany him when no one else is free. who doesnt give a damn about me. who hears what i say and forgets it the very next second. aihhhh.. i just dont know what to do la. its like i know i must move on. but i cant!! there was so many first stuffs that i shared with him. he was like my first love and everything. u know(u may think that im stupid but...) i still have this thought inside my heart that in the end... we will get married. my brains like think too much that i find it hard to trust my girlfriends. i keep thinking that they're lying to me and stuff. dont really want to talk bout it here. ughh! i think this is enough of sharing and all. haha. i shall stop here now and wait for another day where i cant really tahan and spill it all out here. and by the way, if ur still reading all this. thanks for taking a time out to read! *winkz* =)

*time to grow up*

last night i tried but i couldnt sleep
thoughts of u were in my head
i was lonely and i needed u next to me
life is harder since u left
i never meant to do u wrong
and now all is said and done
i hope u wont be gone too long

where do i go
what do i do
i cant deny i still feel something
and boy, i wish u could say u feel the same
u've broken the bond
i gotta move on
but how do i end this lonely feeling?
u've gone, im here, alone
i guess its time to grow

i try to speak, but my words never catch the air
like u never knew i was there
take me back to the days when u really cared
can we make love re-appear?
i cant go on the roads too long
and now all is said and done
i cant go forward if my heart is still where im coming from

crying time is over
i know cant control his feelings
if he wont return, then i guess ill be a strong lady
and move on

time to grow and move on
make life better than it was before
time to grow and move on
make love better than i did before

though ur gone and im here, alone
i guess its time to grow

my heart bleeds...

i dunno what has happened to me. i was feeling better a while ago. i guess when i saw someone's nick, it made me really really sad. i was so happy that i get to go to carene's house in sungai petani. it is super super big. and hot. but big. but kinda run down la. and her cousin is super cute man! haha. anyways, i was enjoying the time there. with her nice and wonderful family. they are very very funny and friendly. haha. really nice to be with. i was enjoying God's wonderful art. the sky and clouds was so beautiful. even the padi fields. so so big and beautiful. it made me thank God for creating such a nice environment.

have u ever tried to forget that "special" someone but cant? it seriously hurts. and i hate that feeling man. makes me depressed everytime. and exasperated. i just want to cry and scream till i have no more voice. i want to forget bout him and everything he has put me through. but i just cant! help me! argh!!!! i know we cant just forget someone but i just want to put him in one small little corner of my heart. but i just cant! why?! someone please tell me why! sometimes i wish that i dont have any feelings. then i can just live life carelessly. just super frustrating! hate it! argh! i know there's this saying that u shouldnt get back with someone that u have let go. but its just hard la! ugh!!!!!!