-thoughts-

i've been thinking alot lately. thoughts which i should let go. which doesnt help. cuz at night i dream dreams that make me feel sooooo grrrr.. its unexplainable. i know deep down in my heart. i dont want to let go. cuz i can see the way i worship God, my mind will slowly wonder and think and think bout possibilities, chance, wishes, dreams. which is really really bad. im really trying to put God first. but i dunno why i cant. argh! sometimes i really wish that my wishes and dreams will come true. but i dunno. all i can do now is to put my dreams, hopes, and plans into God's hands. which im also learning to do. sighhh.. life is just a cycle of learning. u can never stop learning. each day is a real lesson to me.

today i've realized how much my parents love me. not to say that i've NEVER realized in my whole 16 years. but on tuesday night, i told my parents that ill be back at like around 11. but i didnt have transport and all. loads of complications. and when i called my dad to come and pick me up. he really did. and that time was around 11.50 like that. and he sent my friends home too. i was really really amazed. and today when i called my mum to tell her that im going out. and to ask her whether she can fetch me after work. and she didnt even scold me that im going out everyday. but she just said that i have 101 things to do huh. i was like yeah.. hehe.. and she was like okay ill fetch u after my work since i need to drop by there for a while. but im just really thankful cuz remembering all my other friends. they are not sooo FREE like me. cuz i always go out from morning till late at night. and going out the next morning again. and they didnt make a single complain. im just really thankful. but u know. sometimes when there are misunderstandings and slight fights at home. obviously u'll be like "why God why???" but besides all of this. i really really thank God with all my heart for putting me in this family. i mean each family has their ups and downs. since nobody is perfect. but overall. its good. remember. lilo & stitch. ohana means family. it really brings me to realize how important is family even though there are good times and BAD BAD times. =)

to andrew.. thanks for insulting my spelling

yes andrew. i know my spelling is wrong. dont have to rub it in my face. i said already that i dunno how to spell it. see what kind of cousin i have. sighhhhh. haha. what did i do to deserve this??!!! nahhh. just joking. hehe. he's been a great cousin! horrrrrrrr.. lolz.. *hint hint* actually, there's nothing for me to hint. just saying that for fun cuz last time we all used to say that. oh and andrew, dont u miss us pinching u? too bad our president has left us. nevermind one day we can convince her and touch her life to get her back to church. hehe

so tired.....

im sooooo tiredddd. cuz yesterday i had to wake up before 8 cuz we were going tracting. we tract until like around 11. then we went to 3k for badminton. so on the way there i said i was VERY hungry then andrew and jon was like.. cannot esther! u and take it! burn all ur fats! exercise. and thanks to them at night i had indigestion. felt so pain okay. and uncomfortable of course. arghhh! but playing badminton was fun. kevin and jon made me run and run and run to get the shatercock.. is that how u spell it? hahaha.. lolz. dunno lerh. so anyway, after that we were suppose to go and watch a movie and shop. but in the end jon was too tired. so we decided to change it to another day. so as usual we went to just's house and talk and talk and laugh and laugh. haha. so after that we went back home.

today i have nothing to do. andrew asked me to go out lunch with him, delz, and chia hui to know chia hui better and to share share abit. but i cant!!! im too young for that!!! im scared. heheh.. lolz. so anyway, ill be watching SMALLVILLE!!! yay!!! isnt good?! im staying home the whole day for once during my holz. my bro was complaining di. hehe. anyway, my right hand is aching cuz played too much badminton. and it hasnt heal yet from camp. cuz we played this game.. where the guys had to play basketball.. shoot hoops. and the girls are the best! we had pillows to whack them to stop them from shooting hoops.. so after that the guys face and everywhere was pain and the girls hands was tired and painful. hehehe.

- h A p P i N e S s A g A i N -

hmmmm... abit the lazy to talk bout camp di. cuz u know. the stuff that im gonna say bout it is obvious. like ITS AN EXTRAORDINARY CAMP! IT WAS GREAT! IT WAS FUN! THE TOILET WASNT THAT GREAT! MISS MY HOME! THE TALKS WAS GREAT! GOD CHANGED LIVES! and everything else. so im gonna talk bout the present now. i've been feeling really down lately cuz of things that's happening. but oh well. its part of life. learning the things u need in life.

i had a great DMC session with andrew and delz today. luckily delz was there to help me answer. cuz at first i was a lil uncomfortable bout delz going out with us for the DMC but after that everything was well. sorry if ur reading this now and feeling like HMPH! hehe. everything has been settled bout my feelings and the situation im in. but of course healing takes time. recovering takes time. nevermind! ill help just to break her window and she'll help me to break and tear down my sliding door. as andrew said. if i can forget bout "IT" so fast, that means the feeling for "IT" wasnt real. im learning how to put God first and of course i have some solutions to it given by andrew and delz. im really thankful for these 2 ppl. really couldnt have gone through this happily if i didnt decided to have the DMC today. im really thankful.

am back from camp!!!! =)

although a part of me misses camp. but the other part of me is sooooo happy that im back home! with my nice and comfortable bed and most importantly AIR COND!!!! i wanted to write this yesterday. but there was something wrong with my electricity. it keeps tripping. but oh well. anyway, camp was GREAT!!!! we all made our decisions the whole camp. the camp was great! those ppl who back-slided and who were really dry in God came back. saw visions. made decisions. but of course after the camp. everyone had to face reality, face the world. cuz in camp we shut out the world and just concentrate in God and the ppl who are in camp with u. anyway, ill come back and continue later. now is not the time to write

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! im back!!! im back after getting a fresh touch/encounter with God... i went for the Planet Shakers conference from the 1st-3rd of Dec! it was superb. and this time there were more crazy and hyper Christians who is willing to travel for miles to come for the conference or even the night rally. so i shall start babbling now bout my experience in the conference and night rally. and i manage to talk and talk and go crazy with nigel again. its been a long time since me and eden has seen him.

for the first day of the conference. we didnt have any sessions. they just started with the night rally. which was really great too! but i didnt really feel the presence of God.... yet! cuz i wasnt ready. to tell u the truth, actually i went there with no purpose at all. i just signed up for the conference cuz my friends told me to. so anyway, i just went there with my friends and just praised and worship and all. then came the talk. OH NO! i forgot their names. but oh well. its God that matters anyway. the pastor was preaching and telling us to set a goal or a purpose for this conference. come expecting for something. dont just come for the conference blindly. and i was like yeahhh! i should do that huh. so we had a great time and all. and i went back at like 1 something and slept at 2 cuz i was talking and talking to carene. and i had a GREAT time on the way back.. cuz SOMEONE was driving me home. so happy.

second day - it was really really a struggle for me to get up at like 6.30 to bath and everything cuz the conference is at 9. and we have to go to pyramid.. the place where we have to pass loads and loads of jam. so we when we reached there... we didnt know that there were praise and worship. so we lepaked outside for a while. then the crew was like what are u guys doing here??? ur suppose to be inside. and we're like OHH NOOO!! hahaha.. so we missed the woship for the first session. but oh well.. the talks was really really great! the praise and worship is like FUIYOHH! u can really really feel the goosebumps man. esp when u stop for a while and take a look around to see the ppl of God all fired up. praising and worshipping Him. lifting up their hands and all. it was so great!

third day - my oh my were we all tired. but at least we made it early and managed to get good seats and manage to be there on time before they open the doors to let all the crazy and hyped up ppl in. ahha. and we went for one session with pastor christopher loong/long or whatever... that's he's word. WHATEVER! haha.. he's sooo soo funny.. managed to wake us up and all.. making fun of ppl. insulting ppl. lolz.. but the night rally was THAT great.. for me and eden. cuz we were all soooo tired. so sleepy. but during the ending. we had another praise. we jumped with all our might cuz that was the last time we're gonna be able to go crazy with dunno how many thousands of ppl. well, until next year at least. i feel so great on the last day that i didnt want it to end. although we were all tired and stuff.. we didnt want it to end cuz its just so great to just bask in God presence in His wonderful and mighty presence. u know, i came to this conference without knowing a single song they are singing. only like 1 or 2 songs that i know. isnt that sad. but oh well. so anyway, on the last day! i can practically memorize all the songs and sing it to u. cuz they sang the songs over and over again. haha.

this conference was really really great! i woke up this morning. missing the conference. missing the sessions. missing the talks. missing the great time i had with my gang. missing every single second of it! missing the breaks we had. missing the lunch break. missing the LONG LONG break before the night rally. missing the praise and worship. this time when they came. we had MORE ppl than the beginning of the year. imagine the first night we just had the normal place. but the second night they had to open it bigger. and it was packed! IMAGINE THE LAST NIGHT! IMAGINE THE PPL OF GOD WHO IS WILLING TO TRAVEL MILES AND MILES JUST TO COME! my oh my. it was really really great! so it wasnt a waste of my time or even my money.