cg outing

well well well... i havent been updating my blog. mainly cuz i was lazy. haah. and i was waiting for pictures la. bahs. i need to find time to go to andrew's house to raid his comp. haha. actually i had things on my mind to pen down. but it always happen at night. so ill dismiss it and leave it for monring. but guess what??? once i wake up. i totally forgot what i wanna write. i need to write it straight away. at the spur of the moment. hahaa

so anyways... wonder why im updating my blog? well.... we finished our cg at around...2? so then sent carmen and caryn to their aunt's house. then went home. it feels very weird that im free on a saturday afternoon. normally my saturday's are spent in church. and today im home... blogging. listening to music. finding stuff to do. with loads of time on my hands.

in esther's equation.....

free time = ample time for my mind to start wondering and thinking


oh gosh! i hate it when that happens seriously. therefore...... im here. blogging. doing something instead of letting my mind get the better of me. it's like i know the answers to my questions. i know that i shouldnt think bout.... dot dot dot.. it shall remain unknown. ugh! bahs!


so anyways... let's not talk bout my thoughts. cuz then it's like back to square one. haha. our cg lesson today was bout marriage. i was reminded of 1 Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8. i know i know. some of u might think... "*gasp* estherrr!!! how can u forget such a famous verse." but but but but........ sometimes things slip my mind u know. like me worship leading today. hahaa. if not for delz reminding me.... i would have went to grace's house nonchalantly.. kakaa. ooo.. by the way... we had the cg outing at grace's house.

it's not really an outing la. it's just a different thing than having it in church. it's different la. the atmospher everything.. is different. and we had like porridge, fruits, potato salad, cake... what else what else? cant remember la. hahaa. but i was stuffed. before i go on talking bout the food. let's come back to my main point. haha. 1 Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8



love never gives up
love cares for others more than self
love doesnt want what it doesnt have
love doesnt strut
doesnt have a swelled head
doesnt force itself on others
isnt always "me first"
doesnt fly off the handle
doesnt keep the score of the sin of others
doesnt revel when others grovel
takes pleasure in the flowering of truth
puts up with anything
trusts God always
always looks for the best
never looks back
but keeps going to the end
love never dies



when i read that verse. and when delz elaborated bout the verse. i was like thinking to myself. gosh! i like failed in almost every single part of it. myabe not ALL la. but most of it. seriously. does that mean i dont have love? oh noooooooooo.. but really la. we wouldnt know how to love until we experience and accept God's love. without His love........ i seriously dont know how am i gonna love other ppl. cuz as i experience and embrace God's love for me.... i find it easier to love other ppl. though sometimes it's hard la. not to say it's forever easy. bahs. hahaha.



i've learnt not to expect so much from other ppl. the higher ur expectations... the greater the fall. isit correct? bahs. whatever. lazy to think. ahhaa. sometimes u expect that certain someone to do things, to act this way, to behave like that, why cant he be more romantic, show me more love, spend more time with me, blablabla, etc etc.... like what all those romance movies show. but come on. that's like too close to perfection. maybe only 1 out of 10 ppl behave that way. furthermore, different ppl show love in different ways. everyone is human. and humans let u down. that's why never put ur hope in man....but in God.



by the way... i have pictures from today's cg outing. im too lazy to wait for pictures then update together. ill just update. then ill just randomly put pictures when i get them la. hahaa. tooo lazy di la.

updates

actually i wanna update bout the gasing hill trip. but but but... i havent completed my set of pictures yet. i think there are some pictures from andrew's camera. that's why i havent updated bout my gasing hill trip. will talk bout it as soon as i have all the pictures aights?

chocz feast

THIS POST IS FOR THE BENEFIT OF THOSE CHOC LOVERS OUT THERE!!!!


yesterday joanne and my bro took me to this place in klcc. it's called chocz. and there we had a wonderful chocolate feast. oh my goodness.. thinking bout it now makes my mouth water. it's soooooooo yummyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my goodness. oh my goodness. oh my goodness.

no words. nothing........ nothing can explain how wonderful the chocolate tasted. here are some pictures. it'll do all the explaining that i cant. =) enjoy.

ps. take a box of tissue before u see the pictures. ahahahaha. so exaggerating right? bahs.

* my drink *
explanation : the white color thing is milk. a candle in the aroma therapy liked thing.
the round brown colored one is chocolates. so u have to put it inside and melt it in the milk. so u have choc milk drink. aiks. forgot to take a picture of the COOL straw

* the fondue *
the bottom part has a candle in it too. to keep the choc warm. *yummy*

* strawberry and marshmallow *
like duh!

* the choc to dip the above *

* the before *

* the after *

thanks joanne and wing lian for bringing me there!!! i really had fun! it's just that after a while i got really tired to show my enthusiasm. ahaha.




so chocolates lovers. this is a place that has nice, rich, yummy chocolates. kai cheh..... let's go let's go. ahhaha. i know u wanna go =)

dot dot dot

as u can see from my title of the post.. i have no idea whatsoever of what title to put. im once again too lazy to think of a title. hahaa. whattttt???? i dont wanna think so much kayyyyy.. im depressed. hahaha.. no no no.. i cant say that. i cant say im depressed. im just sad. which i hope would pass away soon soon. like real soon. so anyways... i have nothing much to update. as u can see... my life is certainly not happening. seriously. if u think my life is happening. u gotta think again. hahaa.


well.. i have things to update now. but but but.... i shall keep u guys in suspense (cheh wah. say until like my life suddenly become so happening and like got so many ppl reading my blog) hahaha. but mainly cuz i have to wait for pictures la. what's a post without pictures man. it'll be so dull and boring. hahaha. at least can rest ur minds abit after reading all my rantings. hehehe. so till then.... ciaozaaaaa!!!! =)

*rescue me*

when im alone the world is such a different place
sometimes it's hard to keep a smile upon my face
it seems like i try so hard and still i let u down
it's taken so long but now there's one thing that i've found

when everything starts crashing down
when all i know falls to the ground
when darkness comes and i cant see
You're always there to rescue me

just when i think that i've got it figured out
You open my eyes and let me see that there's no doubt
but you've got it all within the power of Your hand
it seems the more i know the less i understand

when everything starts crashing down
when all i know falls to the ground
when darkness comes and i cant see
You're always there to rescue me
when all my strength has turned to fear
when i wonder if You're near
when i dont know how to break free
You're always there to rescue me

i wonder if ill make it through this darkest night
i need to know Your strength in me gonna win this fight
im reaching out wont You take my hand show me to the light
i know You're by my side

You're always there to rescue me







well..... i've been quite overwhelmed this few days. my feelings has been going up and down. days has been good and bad. like one moment im up the next im down. i dont know why. i cant seem to control it. and when i heard this song just now. it really expresses how i really feel.


truly when everything starts crashing down
when everything is going haywire, going to a way u dont never expected
when u dont feel loved
when everything is making u cry or frown
when the tears just start falling down
when u feel like u just cant go on.......

God is there to rescue u & me
He's there every single second
holding on to u
and when u think u can do it by urself
He'll step aside...
like a father being there for his child when their learning how to ride a bike
always there by their side
gently coaxing them that they can do it
and being there when the child is going to fall

i thank God that He's always there for me
always ready to give me strength
always ready to carry me
always ready to love me
always ready to hug me
always ready to give me peace
always there when i needed anything

*i will sing*

i will sing
i will praise
even in my darkest hour
through the sorrow and the pain
i will sing
i will praise
lift my hands to honor You
because Your word is true
i will sing



the chorus of don moen's song - i will sing. has been stuck in my head ever since i woke up this morning. it's been replaying and replaying in my mind. cuz it's really true. like the chorus says. even in my darkest hour... through the sorrow and the pain. i will sing. i will praise.

definitely the devil would want u to leave God's side
want u to keep wondering why would God do this to u
to His child
to the person He loves

last time i would have thought that
would have kept wondering why would God do this to me
why would He leave me and die
ok ok. abit exaggerating but... yeah
that's what i thought

but now....
i thank God for how far He has brought me through
i mean i cant deny that my human mind would still wonder why would i be in this situation
but at least now i can dwell on God's promises
that He'll never leave me
nor forsake me
that He has greater plans for me
that He'll do more than we can ask for
more than we can imagine

F.A.I.T.H

sometimes i wonder whether i have faith...
what is faith actually?
is it believing that God can do greater things?
....things that is beyond our imagination?

have u felt like whenever u pray for something to be better...
it'll get worse and worse and worse
and not what u prayed for?

have u felt like how come ur life is so horrible.. so sucky
like everything seems to be going wrong..
like u tend to ask urself..... where is God?

many a times... when i face hurdles in life. troubles...
when i feel like i cant do it anymore
i cant continue
then ill be reminded that i dont have to do it by myself
God will provide strength
He'll help me to go on


2 Corinthians 12 : 9
"My grace is sufficient for u, for My power is made perfect in weaknesses"

Psalm 71 : 20-21
"Though You have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
You will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
You will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor
and comfort me once again."

and of course the ever so famous verse

Jeremiah 29 : 11
"For I know the plans I have for u,
plans to prosper u and not to harm u,
plans to give u hope and a future."



i thank God for His very true promises
there are definitely more promises
but to list it out will require many many years. =)


whenever i feel down
whenever i feel that i dont deserve love
whenever i needed answers to my prayer...
He answers

though sometimes He will not give u the answer u want
but do remember that God is driving and ur the passenger
no matter what....
He'll bring u out of it
He'll comfort u
He'll bring u peace and hope



u know last time..
i used to think that i dont have to do QT
im too lazy
i need my beauty sleep
and blablabla
*comes up with more excuses*

but now i see the importance of doing QT
not only it's good to spend time with God
but i found out that He uses that time to answer my questions
like whenever i feel so faithless
the QT of the day was God's faithfulness


and this morning i was amazed by God again..
sometimes i really feel down. like dont feel like i deserved to be loved. dont deserve all the things that i have right now. and the topic for QT today was "act medium" i was like wondering.. what the heck? what is act medium. then i read on. it's bout not acting big or small. but medium. dont think highly or lowly of urself. and one part of it really made me shocked!

cuz i tend to think really lowly of myself. and it was like what the story said.

it said " u might know someone who is always apologizing, always putting herself down. She believes she is just not good enough. How unnecessary! "

and after reading that. i was so shocked! i didnt know what to say or react. and that's how i really feel. i always apologize, always put myself down, and always believe im not good enough. and the worse part is that i never realize that.... if i knew someone like that right. ill be so irritated. esp. if i love that person. soooooo... ill try not to think negatively, think lowly of myself. need to boost my self esteem. gotta love myself.

steamboat in euginie's house

well well well.. finally i get to update my blog. i wanted to update it long long time ago with whatever happenings in my life and with pictures which i just got... in my oh-so-boring life. ekkeke. no la no la. it's not boring actually. sighs. ill update u more later. but nowwww......



it's time for steamboat!!!! no la. it's over di la. bahs. unless we have it again la. hehe. so on tuesday night, we had steamboat in euginie's house. there were like 7 of us? euginie, andrew, mich, my bro, joanne, and ur's truly =)



it was really fun la. long time since i've had steamboat. the last time was.... emmm emmm emm... ooooo. my bday. i think. yeah yeah. hehe. in my friend's house. they had it for kim and i. so i guess it wasnt a long time. hehee. it was a really fun time. but not as fun as this la. emmm. mainly cuz i seldom get to see my friends. so felt a little awkward. nothing much to talk. nothing much to crap di. sighs. what to do. ok ok. let's not sidetrack.



we had steamboat and of course delicious, yummy, *lip smacking*, scrumptious dessert all the way from Treats, The Westin @ KL. oh my gosh! the food was delicious too. we had countless rounds. till our stomachs couldnt take it anymore. then we had to clean up then rest for a while for the dessert. cuz we shouldnt let the yummy dessert go to waste in our oh-so-full stomachs. hehe. while waiting for our stomachs to digest, we decided to play a little game. but hmmmm... we didnt have taboo cuz it was in jared's house and well... kevin wasnt there to make the game fun. so in the end we didnt play any games. we just sat around and talk. and then it was time to eat the oh-so-delicious dessert. i can still taste it in my mouth. *slurps* haha. my aunt and uncle and gideon came at the right time. the dessert time. ehhehe



so if anyone is looking for some delicious, yummy, *lip smacking*, scrumptious dessert. pls head on to Treats, The Westin @ KL. i should go there and ask them whether i can get some benefits or discounts since im promoting them. kakaka. joanneeee...... *hint hint* hahahaha. just joking just joking. i love the desserts there. really really nice.

* the food *

* the table *

* one of the "countless" rounds..*
luckily we manage to remember to take a picture of the food

* the cleaning up *

* a close up picture of half of the dessert *
the choc muffin yummy. the brownies sinful. strawberry tart delicious.

* the group *
top (left-right) mich, andrew, gideon, me
bottom (left-right) my bro, joanne, ginie, eugene
now can see abit more of the dessert. ehehehe.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CIAAA!!!!

happy birthday to u
happy birthday to u
happy birthday to my dear ketua biri biri
happy birthday to u
*sings out of tune, out of key, out of........dot dot dot* ahahha

fine fine... i know my singing is not as nice. compared to some certain person. *wiggles eyebrows* ehehe. but but but.... i know u love me. u'll accept how horribly i sing right? right? right? like that night during the dinner. kakakaka!!!! was super funny. the way we sang. oh wells. we dont go there often anyways. like whatever. ahahha.


isnt it funny how close we've become? i never would have guessed that we would become as close as today =) it really has been a blessing to get to know u better. actually, since when did we suddenly become close ar? ahhaa. weird huh. it's all in God's planning. i enjoyed every laughter, tears, joy, crazyness, sad, depressed, going siao siao, huggie wuggie moments and of course taking pictures with u. u have made my life more interesting. there is no space for dull moments when ur there. hehe.





i thank God for bringing u into my life
thanks for erasing every dull moments in my life.. kekeke
thanks for all the advices
the hugs u gave me when im down
truly ur a friend who brings me comfort when im sad
who brings me warmth when i needed it
who helped me up when i fell
who brought laughter
and of course crazyness into my life

my dearest ketua biri biri aka sweetest friend aka etc etc (too many di)

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY CIAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
i love u heapssss! *muahs muahs *

things.in.my.mind

The following has been something going on and on in my mind...
p.s : wear an extra jacket. kekekekekeke. (so super crap wei.. sheesh. haha)






can i ever make up for my past?
can i redo everything over again?
can i erase all the wrongs that i've done?
can i feel loved again?
can i feel worthy again?

can u still accept me for who i am?
can u look beyond my past?
can u still care for me?
can u still love me even through my imperfections?
can u take my past?
can u love my weaknesses?

am i worthy of ur love?
do i deserve ur love?
do i still melt ur heart away?
do i still make ur stomach flip?
am i still the same person that u fell in love with?
have things change ever since we're together?






but dont get me wrong
im happy in another way for my pasts
im happy that now...
i can use it to help other ppl
im happy that i can share my feelings
my thoughts of my past
and that's an answer to my prayer
i prayed that God would use my not-so-good
and not-very-proud-of past
to help other ppl
and He's doing that =)







i know i have tons of questions
my mind just keeps going and going
i guess the day my mind stops wondering
is the day i stop breathing
hahaa.. ok ok.. that sounded a little scary
the only person that can give me peace...
is G O D


i know i scare u with my never ending questions
but that's me..
continue to pray with me
that my heart, my mind would stop wondering


but at the end of the day
when God has finally given me peace over my thoughts
over my wondering heart
over my wondering mind
i know that no matter what
i deserve God's unconditional love
i know that u'll love me for me
u told me that
and sometimes it's just unbelievable
that Y O U...
would love me for me


it's the same as God's love
sometimes it's just unbelievable
that someone as great as God
would love us no matter what
no matter our past
no matter our future
no matter our thoughts
no matter our feelings
no matter our imperfections
He still loves us
and that's what i get from Y O U


that's why i thank God everyday
for giving me Y O U
for giving me this love of my life
for giving me an understanding guy
for giving me a person who loves me for who i am
for giving me someone who can make me smile
who can make me laugh
for giving me someone who makes me blush
for giving me someone who makes my stomach flip
my heart flutters whenever i think bout Y O U


now now.. dont be perasan
and dont shiver cuz of the mushyness
hehehehe =)
im sure u know who is that "Y O U" person
and that person is no other than......................................

my dearest and sweetest...
* kevin ng *

oh no *shocked*

haha... i know i know.. the title of this post is abit emmmmmm... sillyyy?? welll... it's really an emergency.. u know why???? wanna know why????? u better want to. u better keep asking me why isit an emergency. hahaa.. ok ok. so fine. im a little crazy. cuz im kinda kinda kinda... a little teesy weeny bit bored. not THAT bored. but yeah... bored. and there's alot going on in my mind right now. i dont really wanna write bout it here.....yet.. maybe ill write it here one day. when i get it all settled and when i get the answers to my questions. maybe maybe. ill see whether i can write it here =) cuz u know.. sometimes......somethings are meant to be kept between 2 ppl only.


ok ok ok. let me get to my emergency. i was reading my post last time. when i was sad and depressed. i mean not to say now a days im no longer sad or depressed. maybe not depressed la. but just sad. u can never run away from sadness. like it's gonna be there. life is full of ups and downs. but how u choose to handle and deal with it is a different thing. it's what changes it. so anyway... why so i keep sidetracking? kakaka. well, as i was saying. my old posts. i used to be able to write poems. and now... i cant seem to think of words that can rhyme. like it's all jumbled up in my mind. do u think it's cuz im not concentrating on my feelings? like i dont really know what im actually feeling? that's why i cant put it into words? is that the main reason? is that the answer? i hope i can write poems again. i miss writing them. i love to read it over and over again and it really expresses how i really really feel.




so let's move on from that thought. i was doing my QT today. and it talks bout our words. the words that comes out of our mouth. isit destructive? or isit like an encouragement to ppl? like a nutrient to help nourish living things? i really do hope im an encouragement, a blessing to ppl around me. more understanding and having empathy.





to the ppl who has been reading my blog since the day i introduced u to it. since the very first starting of my blog. since 2004 or even through the time when all the posts seems to be nothing other than depressing. isit still depressing? can u feel the joy whenever i update it? hahaha. i hope that it is more happy and joyful... no longer depressing. ill try not to make it sound depressing anymore la kay. hahaa.


hehe. i've been a good girl today. changed my bed sheet.. rearranged all the soft toys and pillows and bolsters on my bed. now now... dont get me wrong. all the soft toys are gifts. that's why it has a special place on my bed. if not it'll be all in a box or a really huge plastic bag. waiting to be donated to poor little girls who cant have toys to play with. cleaned up my room. vacuumed and all. ahhhhh.. now i feel like my room is sooo clean. so proud of myself. hehe. *gives self a pat on the shoulder*


and i managed to get hold of the principle of the kindergarten at the back of my house. he said he'll get back to me and that he and his wife wanna meet up with me.


i would prefer working at the kindergarten. then at least i get to deal with the kids and know whether montessori is what i want for my future. i could get another job in siew peng's office. in cats whiskers and that is quite near my house too. but not as near as the kindergarten la. haha! but but but but but.... the thing is that the hours are from 12 noon till 9 at night. i would rather like one that has normal working hours. cuz i was thinking... if i work there. that means ill be super super tired even though i have the morning off. and i would be missing prayer meetings. nowwww.... we wouldnt want that dont we. sigh. well, i hope i can get a job at the kindergarten. that'll be nicer =)

more pictures =)

top (left-right): kevin, me, euginie, andrew
bottom: wing lian, joanne
* see... the newly weds. so naughty. *

* during alex & li ann's wedding dinner =) *

* andrew & i in fbc. after the ceremony *

* pasar malam & the long postponed durian feast *

* kevin, me, joanne, ginie *

* before alex & li ann's wedding dinner *

children church song....memories. kekee

today i woke up with this children church song stuck in my head.



He's the Lord of the sunshine
and Lord of the rain
He's the Lord of the good times
and Lord of the pain

He's the Lord of the mountains
and Lord of the sea
Lord of the music
Lord of the children
Lord of Y O U & M E



since i practically grew up singing that song almost like every sunday. maybe la. cant remember. even sometimes when im on duty for cradle roll. sometimes i choose to sing that song too. but i just sang it. never really thought bout the words. but this morning... i suddenly realize. the effect it took upon me. the way it brought peace into my heart. the way everything feels so calm and perfect. knowing that everything is truly in God's hands.



He really is the Lord of everything. He's everywhere. loving and caring for us. whether we feel Him or not it doesnt matter. as long as we know that He's forever there for us. waiting for us to turn and talk to Him. to draw love, strength, peace, wisdom, faith, trust, etc. as long as we ask


furthermore.... im kind of a negative person. im always scared bout every single thing. scared of the future. scared of minor things. scared of the dark. scared of speaking to strangers(as in newcomers in church or college ppl or ppl in new places la). like more shy actually. scared of insects. scared of dirt. scared of i dont know what else la.



so this song really made my heart calm down. cuz tmr im planning to go to the kindergarten behind my house to ask for a job. and this thing has been postponed for almost a month now. woahhhh!!! time flies. cuz i was really scared to go there. show up and just ask for a job. but i know that it's time for me to do things on my own. to be bold and brave. soooooooo... yeaps. pray that ill get a job =)

gross post???

hmmm.. a different font for a change. kinda getting bored of my other one. and a different color. kekeke. once in a while a change is good =)



so anyway.. this is gonna be emmm.. a little gross update. hehe. but but but.. i wanna write it. and i wanna thank God..

cuz cuz cuz cuz cuz.... this month.. my 'time-of-the-month' came without any severe cramps, backache, headache and all.. but it came with tons of pimples, only a full day of cramps and backaches. and that was during the event. then it just came without anything super painful. im sooo thankful!!!!! i dont wanna suffer from all that pain. usually ill suffer for like few weeks then only it will come.


hahaha... ok ok.. i think i have enough writing bout this. hahaha. before u guys like die and wondering why would i write bout this... but i wanna thank God marrr... wanna let ppl see that God can work miracles =)

wow. long time since i've updated

hmmmm... this past week i've been going out practically everyday. hahaa. from shopping to watching movie to doing the montage with andrew at night to everywhere. it's time to get a part time job. cuz i want the money. and i dont wanna waste time at home..


on thursday...
delz came over to sleepover. we were kinda bored after eating la. so we were thinking of what to do. then we suddenly thought of going shopping. thank God that we went. cuz i wanted to get a black shoe. for the event. explain later. and andrew keep forgetting to bring michelle's shoe for me. so we decided to go la. wahlaooo.. we went for like 2 hours plus i think.. delz manage to buy like 4 tops. and she managed to find a top for alex and li ann's wedding somemore. and it was like rm15.80 weiiiiiii.. tsk tsk tsk *shakes head* amazing. and i manage to find a black covered shoe. it's the pointed one. which my mum always wish i would one day buy something like that. haha. and guess what? when andrew came... cuz he needed to check on the montage and needed to burn it into the cd.... he really forgot bout the shoe. wah laooo.. i really thanked God on the spot that we went shopping. if not i really dont know what to wear the next day. ahaha. i guess i know my cousin well enough. kakakaka *innocent smile*




this is what we did before sleeping...

* cia, me, andrew.. before he left for home *

* aint the teddy bear cute? hehe *

* getting ready to sleep? yeah right *

* dont we look happy?? *

* i love my table that is directly opposite my bed. great place to position my camera. hahaa *

on friday...
me and delz went for this one day job kinda thing. an event. in eastin hotel. it's under sirius. they were having a training for emmm.. hp something university. and i was wondering how come hp has a uni. ahaha. cheh. dont know why they called that also. sheesh. so anyways... delz had to came over to stay cuz we had to be in eastin at 7 the next day


ugh! seriously. dont understand why ppl are not punctual at all. we reached there. and no one was there at all. but the person who was in charge came around 7.03 or something. so it was ok ok la. maybe cuz we arrived there early. that's why we felt they took very long to come. somemore we thought we were late di u know. sheesh. rush for dont know what.


we did the registrations... and ushering. we had to usher ppl into the ballroom.. or usher out of the ballroom. whatever la. haha. so when lunch came.. when we approach them. we dont need to say anything. they practically could read our minds. cuz the only time we talk to the ppl is when we need them to go somewhere. so they like just nod and smile at us and give us this look that says.. i know i know.. the thing is starting. and we gotta go in. if i was them...seriously...i would wanna stay out there and far away from the ballroom as long as possible too. cuz im pretty sure the training was VERY VERY VERY VERY BORINGGGG!!! saying it's boring is an understatement. hahaa. and the ballroom was soooooooooo cooollllldddddd!!!!! *brrrr* *shivers* haahha.


we ate sooo much during the event man. there was like breakfast, tea break, lunch, and then tea break. so by the time we ate our lunch..... it's like blehsss.. we had nasi lemak and mee siam for breakfast. *slurps* wah laooo.. thinking bout it makes my mouth water man. haha. and we had tea and coffee for the whole day. of course i choose tea right. duhs. then the tea break we had sandwiches and chicken and the other break was all the kuihs la. didnt eat it. cant really remember. and the the lunch is the highlight of all highlights. i dont know whether there's such a thing. but seriously. *shakes head* it was superbbb!!!! me and delz decided to go later than the guys. cuz we were still full from the breakfast and tea break. actually only ate a piece of chicken for the tea break. but we were still full. so we let francis(oh yeah. he was there too) and another guy (praveen) to go for lunch first. cuz they need 2 ppl to stay and take care of the place.


thank God we decided to go later. cuz we needed to usher the ppl back into the ballroom only. then we dont have much to do. so we went for lunch with christine and her colleague(vivien)(dont know how to spell her name). we had buffet lunch. when we went there... our eyes popped out.. jaws dropped. and just stare at the food and the dessert. i would like to show u pictures of the dessert. but we had such a great time.. that we forgot to take picturessssss!!! can u believe it???!!! we were like saying.. kay kay.. must take picture of the desserts. but but but but.... we ate and ate and ate and talk and talk and talk and laugh and laugh and laugh... that we forgot all bout it!!!!! until we went back down for bout half an hour or something.. then delicia realized we didnt take pictures of it. sheeshhhh!!!!! so geramted!!! arghhhh!!!! how could we forget such an important task. ahaha


we practically ate bout how long? 1 hour plus 2 hours? somewhere there. cuz christine said we dont need to go down so fast. so we just took our own sweet time to eat and talk. hahaa. it was really nice la. so thank God we went later. haha. we had more time to enjoy our food. somemore not many ppl were there u know. so we could take as much as we want without being called greedy or a glutton and eat as long as we want. the food was soooooooooo good... thinking bout it makes me wanna go there and eat. but... on the other hand... im also thinking of the fats i would gain. i gain so much di la. depressed. haha.



on saturday.....
alex and li ann's BIG DAYYY!!! wooo hoooo. i was ushering on that day. so had to wake up super early again. i think i dont suit ushering. i cant take it. aw man. it passes so fast. it was like a dream. everyone looked so pretty and gorgeous. li ann look sooooooooo pretty. hehe. i guess all brides do huh. then after the ceremony... evelyn, yvonne, nelson, jon, edward, delz, me, and kevin went for bowling. ahha. it was seriously a funny and great time! ahhaa. i didnt want to play in the first place. cuz it's been a long time since i've played. but well well well. i manage to get a few strikes myself. one of it was just plain lucky. the last pin just fell by itself wei. hehe. but the rest i manage to do myself one okay?? hehe.


some pictures from the wedding and the dinner.. this post is getting too long. i think u guys might have fallen asleep di. ehhee. what to do. alot of updating to do and tons of pictures to put up. this 3 days really made me feel so exhausted. all the pimples are popping out cuz of it. been sleeping late, bathing late, drinking less water, eating too much, out the whole day, and waking up early.

* kevin & i *

* cia & i *

* us again.. after lunch *

* my sweetheart *

* emm.. what else should i say bout us? hehe *

* kai cheh & i *

* yian & i *

* during the dinner *

* cia, yian, me, joanne. i love the mirror! makes me miss my mirror in the condo *

* jess, mich, geraldine, me, cia *

sad post.

welll..... this post is gonna be a sad one.. compared to the lovey dovey one. this may or may not affect ppl who reads it. i've tried to stop myself from posting it here. but seriously. i cant keep it in my heart anymore. eventhough i shared it with kevin.... but i cant help it but write it out too.. but i thank God that kevin understands la. hehee.


so anywaysss..... emmmm... well... it started on emmm.. on friday night i think. sigh. my mum complained and she practically shouted asking me why why why must i leave so early on saturday morning. then i also said that i need to fetch ppl. and she gave me this disappointed look. i mean..... harlooooo.. im fetching ppl to church. isnt it like a good thing? at least im not fetching ppl to go clubbing or to do something sinful right. and the way she talked to me the whole night.... like..... sighhhh.. i dont know how to explain la. ugh! u gotta be me to understand it. u gotta be in my position to understand and feel the way i feel.

she gave me this look like i've done the greatest sin in the whole wide world. like i've been a useless child. sometimes when i dont behave the way she wants me to..... i mean like sometimes i like to play around... but she will say see la... dont know why i want to give birth to a daughter. like she say in cantonese... 'sang lui la sang lui la' like give birth to a daughter la... and it really hurts me when she says that.


am i not worthy of her love?
dont i deserve to be treated the same way?


when my brothers wants to get the car... they can drive anywhere they want. do anything they want with the car. and doesnt get anything. but when i say i wanna have the car.... i wanna fetch ppl... to.... churchhhhhh....... she complains and gives me this disappointed look. like im wasting the families money. like im doing everything wrong and nothing right. like whatever i do.....whatever i say..... will never be right in her eyes. sighhhhhhh. i dont know what to do di la. whatever di la.


somemore today in church we were talking quite well mar.. like besides her passing me the immuflora....... we were talking quite well. she even told me that she bought books from the ppl who came from doulos. cuz they came to share their testimonies. then she asked me what time ill be home.. so on so forth.


then i dont know why. when i came back... she never even talk to me. until the time when she was bout to leave the house. she suddenly barge into my room with my 2 skirts. and was like scolding me. asking me why i dont hang my skirts. she say it's so expensive. say that im not grateful for it and all. and i sat there wondering what did i do wrong again to make her angry. i didnt even talk to her once i come back. and she suddenly burst at me. sighssss... now im wondering.. what have i done wrong.


but i think cuz she's stressed with work and with everything. i guess that's why she's like that. but but but but...... aihhhhh.. dont know laa....


hmmmm.. i havent been complaining bout my mum for quite sometime huh. hehee. wing lian or joanne.... if ur reading this... please dont tell mummy. please keep any comments to urself. it was quite hard at first.. i was debating whether i wanna write it here. whether i wanna write out my true feelings. cuz u guys are gonna read it. but but but... im so used to writing my feelings here. i cant help it. sooooo... yeahhhh..

no title again. dont know what to put. ahaha

well well well... yet another post without a title... i dont know what to put la. too lazy to slowly think of a title. hahaa.. actually.. i should be preparing my lesson for my babies tmr. cuz im teaching for cradle roll.. i think this is like my 3rd time teaching. ugh! i feel so stressed when i teach....

cuz firstly... the parents themselves dont care whether the babies pay attention or not. and secondly.... im just too shy to teach.

so wellsss... i guess i gotta get out of my comfort zone huh. but at least i dont mind teaching la. im okay with it. but shy... still shy.. cuz the parents are like older than me. so who am i to teach the babies right. somemore i dont have a baby of my own. how to understand them. sheesh. dont know la..


soooooo.. i know i should be preparing my lesson now. cuz andrew will be here in a matter of minutes to do the montage for alex and li ann's wedding. and their wedding is really just around the corner. this coming saturday. i just realized how fast it was. in my mind i still think that there's tons of time. but...... when eng kok announced it today during yf... i was like SHOCKEDDDD!!! i cant believe that their wedding is this saturday. oh my goshhhh!!!!! so fast so fast. now im feeeling the pressure for the montage. aww mann.. crazy.


but but but.. i wanna post here.. wanna update u guys. actually... i wanted to update sooner.. but i was feeling something that was uncertain. until now. ill explain later in my post.


so remember i was saying that im gonna go kdu to ask bout the pre-u.. well... they gotta get back to me. they gotta send my results to UNSW to see whether i qualify to go in. and if i can go in..... im gonna start my classes soon. actually they started classes di. but the counselor... or whatever she is says that i can just join in. pick up from where they left off.. im happy la if i can get in. but a part of me is scared. scared of whether i can cope with the class. cuz they started di u know. so im scared that i wont be able to catch up. u know me..... im LAZYYYYYYY!!!!!! bahsss

so i really do hope i can qualify. cuz the counselor said that i need to do all level 11. but all my major subjects.... LA, maths, and science is all in level 11 mar. so i think it should be alright....... right??????? bahhhsss... i hope and really pray that i can get into it. seriously. homeschooling sucks. ugh! whatever. i cant do much now la. since im done with it. all i can do now is pray and ask God for His favor. sheesh. irritatingsss...









now..... time to explain my uncertainties... as mentioned just now...
the past few days i was kinda scared la. scared of this relationship that im in with kevin. seriously. after a failed relationship..... i kinda somehow am scared to really give someone my heart again. im seriously scared la. like i cant help but think what if.... just what if.... we dont work out. then ill be like back with a broken heart. and i dont want that. no no no way. kevin is like all i ever wanted. seriously my dream come true.

but now i can truly say that im no longer scared. seriously. this might sound abit naik-bulu-roma. did i say it correctly? ahhaa. this might sound abit too mushy mushy. too lovey dovey. but....

everytime i spend time with kevin.
everytime i look into his eyes.
the 'I-LOVE-U'S'
everytime im around him.....

i can feel the love.
i can feel that this is gonna last.
i can feel that God's hands is upon us.

i just cant believe it. i cant believe that whatever i've ever hoped and prayed for....came true. God really has answered my prayers. whatever i've prayed for in a guy... thru the years... i really see it in him.

he knows how to crack me up
knows how to make me smile
knows how to share my problems
knows how to say that he understands
knows that im not perfect & accepts me as i am

i can finally say that..... i've found a guy who accepts me as who i am. and not trying to change me. he loves me for me.


so for this... i really thank God for everything. thank God for bringing me such a great guy. thank God for saving the best for last. thank God for giving this me this heart to feel love =)

last time.. before this.. before i got out of my heartache. i kept praying that God would take away my heart. cuz i dont wanna feel anything. esp. pain.... but now.... hahahaha.. i thank God that He didnt really take my words seriously. cuz it would be such a shame if i cant feel love from kevin.... or worse.......... God.

so kevin..... if ur reading this. im sorry if i didnt tell u how i feel earlier.. before i post this thing.. i wanna tell u. but i cant contain my joy. i gotta tell the world how happy i am now that im with u! ehehe. ok ok.. now im sending shivers down my own spine. *shivers* suddenly my room so cold one? hahahahahaahaha.

college college college... thoughts thoughts thoughts

sighhh.. sometimes i wish that i dont have to decide on something. like i know what God has plan for me. then i just do whatever He asks me to do. since He knows all the things that is good for me. He knows me better than anyone else. so He should be able to decide for me. i really hate to decide on major things. cuz u know...... it's majorr.... duhhhhh!!! so it's a pretty big decision. like what if i choose something wrong. and then it turn out horrible. then it's all my fault. it's like a life long decision u know.




awww mann.. oh wells. i think im gonna do bachelor degree in education la. i wanted to do early childhood education. but that day i was talking to aunty see wei. she was like saying that it's not a good idea. to straight away study a main thing. she said should broaden ur studies. then later when u know what u want. then specialize on something. i think it's good la. kevin thinks im kiasu. i thought kiasu meant crazy. but kiasu means being safe.. so study everything. ahahha. i mean most probably i would wanna teach lil kids than older ppl. but we shall see in the future. maybe my thinking has changed or whatever.





im so happy. i prayed this morning during my QT that if God really wants me to do pre-u in kdu. He'll plan everything out for me la. like from my transcripts.... my transcripts right.. seriously they take really really long one. i graduated in june. last weekend only my teacher sent my stuff to the subang center to get my transcripts done. and normally it'll take them another few weeks to get my transcripts done. but today!!!!!!! miracle of all miraclesssssssssssssssssss... i called my teacher. and she said they sent my transcripts to the center todayyyy!!!! oh my goodnesss!!! i was so shocked! so tmr i can go and collect it and then it'll be in time for saturday. which is the open day..




so that is my next concern. i really do hope kdu would accept me. cuz seriously i loathe homeschooling. seriously. hate is an understatement. i loathe loathe it. all cuz i did homeschooling. it has made me hard to get into colleges. they say that msia would recognize homeschooling.. blablabla. i dont think so. i think spm is like the bestest of the bestest. but oh wells. i know God has and had a reason for putting me into homeschooling. no matter what... i shall thank God for putting me in that school. ehehe =) THANK U GOD! okay. moment of thankfulness is gone. just joking. ill forever be thankful to God. now i need u guys to pray for me. that i can get accepted. and pray that the pre-u hasnt start

but but but but but... im kinda at crossroads now. cuz justina was telling me that. if i take july intake or jan intake. it'll end at the same time. ill finish at the end of nov. but but but... if i dont enrol into something now. i seriously feel so useless. cuz i dont know where to find job. and if i enrol now. might as well enrol next jan right? since it'll end at the same time. but i think if i enrol now.... the course semester and all would be nicely spaced out... then it'll be more relaxed right. cuz if enrol in jan. means it'll cramp all that is needed to be studied together to finish at the end of nov. but if enrol now.. i think it'll be more spaced out. more time to study stuff right? right? right? right? awww mannnn!!!! howwwwwww????!!!!! im confused im confused im confused



sooo pls pls pls pls pls pray for me when i go and check out the open day this saturday. so that as i talk to the counselor.. ill be able to decide on something. or maybe should pray for wisdom for my mother. so that she can do the deciding. hahaa. but but but... i gotta learn to take resposibility. like kevin said.... im old enough to think and decide. i shouldnt let ppl decide for me. then i wont ever learn to decide for me. roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! did i say that i hate growing up??? hahha. why did i ever wanna grow up?

i remember when me, mich, just were younger. not that we're old now. we're still young. hehee. right? anyways.. i remember last time. we all wished we grew up faster. wished that we could drive. wished that we could have more freedom. have more chance to do the stuff that we wanna do. wanna be like the adults. dont wanna be treated like a small kid. and now when the time to grow up has come. when we have no choice whatsoever but to grow up....... im kinda thinking twice. like why in the world did i wanna grow up??????????????




i wanna remain a small kid. i wanna live a carefree life. free of decisions. free of choices. free of struggles. free of responsibilities. so can i can i can i? can i remain a small kid? hahaha. pls la esther. come on! wake up and smell the roses. but but but.. are u sure there are roses? hahah. i think it's more like a foul smell that makes me wanna run away. hahaa. aww mann.. im going crazy. crazy crazy crazy crazy. im even talking and scolding myself. sheesh. what is wrong with me? tsk tsk. *shakes head* okayyyyyyyyy... im scaring myself. i better stop here. haha. before i become insane. hehehe.




--------------------------------------- the end -----------------------------------------

tiring weekend

finally joseph and lay yan's wedding came and passed so fast.. seriously time passed so fast. and soon it's alex and li ann's wedding.

last night we had a bridal shower for li ann. and she said that her wedding is only in 12 days time. we were like so shocked! cuz oh my goodness.. it's so fast

this year... seriously... it has been a line of bridal showers. so all the questions that were needed to be asked.. were asked. any concerns bout the wedding night.... wedding day.. the future. has been answered in almost all the bridal showers. haaahah.

but at least u get to know the couple better. like how they got together and all. it's seriously very nice to listen to how ppl get together. and now they're getting married. i kept imagining myself next time. during my bridal shower. what ill be telling my close friends and all. hehe. how nice.

yesterday was really tiring. cuz woke up really early for church. then went straight to ginie's house.. cuz there was where we had the bridal shower. helped ginie cook the dinner for the night. it was seriously really nice to cook. manage to learn a few recipes. hmmmm.. i wonder when ill be able to do it myself. ahaha. maybe when i have my own kitchen and a husband to feed. hehe. but it was really nice la. being able to learn how to cook. and being able to cook. and also a great time of bonding. all the close friends together. talking and sharing. ehhee =)

anyway.. abit lazy to write di. can i just let the pictures do the talking? hahaha.

* michie & cia *

* lay yan (the beautiful bride), ching choo (awesome coordinator), cia (bridesmaid) *

* joanne.. bro's gf *

* cia and i *

* cia, li ann (soon-to-be-bride), elaine *

* cia, the soon-to-be married couple. in 11 days time =) *

* kevin & i (it's so hard getting him to take picture with me. sheesh) haha *

* posing & getting ready for what we're gonna do to her (the before) *

* that's what we do in a bridal shower. shower the bride. ahha *

* the after.. and amelia was looking in awe. haha *