-just a prayer away-

tears that fell like rain
streamed down from my heart
colors turned to gray
emptiness led the way
until i fell apart

You came to save me
to show me that

Chorus :
You're just a prayer away
No matter where i am
i know in my heart
You're never too far
when im losing my way
You're just a prayer away
my strength is in my faith
im never alone
im never afraid
cuz You're just a prayer away

when i close my eyes
Lord, i call Your name
and the dark subsides
nothing can take away of the peace i find

You came to save me
to show me that

Repeat Chorus

whenever i need to find You
i just fall on my knees
in You i find my strength that i need to live
to believe



such a meaningful song for me now. =/

argh!

hehe.. change the color of my font abit.. just for a change. cuz someone has been complaining that my website too pink. and it looks like medicine. haha. horrible person. anywayz, im kinda frustrated by life now. its like there's so much things to think so much things to do. sometimes i wonder how ppl can tahan doing so much things in one day and planning so much things to do in one day. like just now i was reading a mail from andrew. encouraging me to do quiet time. i know im suppose to be doing quiet time everyday, every morning.. spend sometime with God and all. read the Bible daily and hear from Him. but i cant seem to discipline myself in doing all those. i cant even discipline myself to concentrate on my studies man. seriously. sometimes i feel like life is soooooooo hard! as each day passes i feel like im wasting it all away. somehow i feel that no matter how much ppl advice me to do something or if there's a scripture that backs it up, i dont care. like if ppl advice me right. ill say yeah i know i know. i know im suppose to be doing that. but its REALLY REALLY hard u know. i ask myself why isit so hard. i just cant find the answer. if i myself dont know the answer, how am i gonna answer my leaders man. argh!

sometimes i really hate myself for not doing what im suppose to do. i know in my heart that im suppose to be doing this and that, this and that.. but i just cant seem to be doing that. i really dont want to go back to square one.. where ill always go to camp asking for the same things over and over again! i've set so many things in my heart which i dont push myself to accomplish it. maybe u'll say it'll be better to write it down. so what. if i write it down and remind me everyday. every time i wake up i read it. its gonna go to waste. its not gonna work for someone like me. i just feel that being a Christian is so not easy. its like there's so much things u have to give up, so much things u have to do. truely being a Christian is not an easy job. seriously. esp. when ur classified as an "matured or older Christian" ill feel so pressured to be an example, to show a huge difference, to be the one for younger and new Christians to look up to. sometimes i just feel like giving up! like i really really want someone to give me the answers to my questions. but how can i ask someone to answer my questions when i dunno what are they. its like i know its somewhere deep down in my heart. all bottled up. but i just dunno where.

i really really really feel like giving up! like stop going to church, stop going for prayer meetings, stop praying, stop worshipping, stop going crazy for God, stop doing everything. when i think of all the things i have to do. think of all the giving up i have to do. i know im suppose to do all that. but i dont know why i dont want to do it! i really really really feel like screaming!!!!! i dunno whether this is the devil's work or what. but seriously! i want to cry! i always concentrate on stuff which i dont hav e to concentrate bout. its like i've wasted all my time and energy thinking bout stuff which i should just leave it all to God. sometimes i just wish everyday. i just need to go for conferences. like Planet Shakers conference or something. like everyday wake up early in the morning. go and be energized everyday. ishhhh. when i read the mail that andrew sent me. including the website and verse. its like im being reminded again and again what i should be doing. but i dunno why i dont do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! help me someone!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dunno what's wrong with me. its like i've always have DMC. and they advice me to do this that and all. i know everything. i know what im suppose to be doing. BUT WHY ARENT I DOING IT????!!!!!! why????!!!!!

just now when i read the verse from James 4:17 - "To him who knows what is good and does not do it, to him it is sin." i was like oh my goodness. and that made me think more and more. hate myself more and more bout why am i not doing all the things that i know. its like i know how to talk the talk but why i dunno how to walk the talk??!!! do i sound like a hypocrite now? i dunno whether i've mention this before. but there was once i was praying and talking to God. then i told Him that im so tired of doing all the things im doing now. like there's no passion anymore. and i told Him why dont take my life away and give it to someone who appreciates it more. since i dont appreciate this life You give me. why dont You take it and give it to someone else who will use this opportunity, this chance to do good. to make a difference. i've reach to this point where i just want to give up everything!

when i told my friend that i've decided to do this this this. then he was like look who's talking. i really felt like oh my goodness.. instead of him like encouraging me to do it and all. he said look who's talking. did i really talk alot bout stuff which i want to do but i didnt do it? did i? have u ever noticed? do i take things for granted? and dont appreciate what i have? do i sound really selfish to God and dont care bout how He feels? have anyone of u who's reading this ever feel the same way as me? do anyone understand me? do u do u? i feel like there's so much things in my mind right now. *tear* luckily there's no one chatting with me. if not i wont be able to write down how i really feel. cuz most of the time, when im blogging. ppl will be chatting with me.

i so hate dreams now!

sometimes i really wonder why must we dream. isit because we think too much bout a certain thing or situation? that's why we dream what we are thinking or worrying so much? someone pls tell me how do u take away dreams? like can we off a certain part of us to stop dreaming? maybe it sounds funny cuz why would someone think of offing our dreams. seriously! cuz dreams has been affecting me lately.. its not cuz im having scary dreams. its cuz i've been thinking bout something too much lately. so when i dream it happens. and ill wake up really miserable! this morning when i wake up. i didnt have the smile on my face like i used to have anymore. i really felt like dieing. okay okay. maybe im going too extreme. i dont really want to talk bout what happened in my dreams. its a long story anyway bout why i would dream or even think bout such a thing. but something that happened in my dreams really made me like stay far far away from 2 ppl. and 1 of them really mean alot to me. its u know.. my special someone. who'll always stay in my heart. and the other one is my good chee mui. i've been reminded bout something in my Bible subject. i've been saying its my have-to-do subject in my school. since its a christian school. its that we christians will undergo trials of our faith. we will not always understand the reason we are in difficult times. God, however, has a purpose in everything He allows to come our way. and the writer James wanted to encourage us by sharing with us some benefits of such trials. in James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever u face trials of many kinds, because u know that the testing of ur faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that u may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." The christian will never know that God's Word in his soul is ever effective until it is applied to the test of trials. When God's Word is applied to trials, victory will be seen. Trials also deepen the christian's prayer life and provide opportunity for production and future rewards. sometimes i really feel that its SO hard to life in this world. that sometimes i even feel like dieing. seriously. i told God that im really tired of this things that im going through and that i dont want to live. i told Him that im sorry that i dont appreciate Him for creating me. i told Him why dont just take my life and give it to someone else who'll appreciate Him. but now im slowly slowly put to work all the things that i've been learning. considering all the things i've learn in my Bible. i've finally realized its not a dread learning all this things. so i guess its all in God's timing. and His timing and our timing is so different. we're like wanting everything to be fast! settle fast! do this fast! like dash. so fast in running here and there. but His timing is like teaching us to be patient, stronger, and growing more in faith. kinda like how a gold-shaper or whatever they are called. they have to put the HARD HARD HARD gold into a really hot furnace and slowly burn it till it melts. THEN they can shape it into a nice and wonderful shape. there will always be this sentence which will stay in my heart forever. in the planet shakers conference, sam evans said that the Holy Spirit is like water. who will water the soil and make it soft and easy for the planter to grow nice and big wonderful trees. and we are like the soil. we need the Holy Spirit to water us. to grow big and strong trees for God. and we were singing this song. one of the verse says that "God please dont pass me by! i dont want to leave without touching u!" truly i've learned alot in the planet shakers conference. alot of the sermons really touch my heart and kinda prepared me for what im gonna face the next few year or probably the rest of my life cuz trials and tribulations will not just end when u reach adulthood. i think it'll worsen and all. but guess how u look at it. u can choose to look at it as what i said bout what i've been reminded or like dread living and asking God why. haha. ahhhh! i feel so relieved saying all this. like a weight has been lifted of my shoulder. and im wondering what i should do next time. i wanted to be a photographer and all. but suddenly my mum was like since u like kids so much. why dont u work in a kindergarden and all. so im really wondering and asking God what He wants me to do. so continue praying for me. to see what i should do next time. *winkz* gotta get change and help my parents clean up the house so that they can move in. so gonna be busy this few days. not sure when i can blog again. hehe. take care and God bless

i forgot to mention something *blueks*

i forgot to mention that i had to BRUSH AND SCRUB the toilet bowl in school today!!! its like my whole 16 or 17 years of my life, i've never needed or asked to scrub the toilet bowl before!!!! and today. oh my goodness.. when i was scrubing the toilet i was like crying to my friend. haha. and she watched and laughed. my goodness. haha. cuz they just finish the renovations and the whole toilet was so dirty. we had to take an hour to wash 2 toilets kayy. aw man. want to die di. its like when i run water on the wall. u can see the water that flows down from the wall is BROWNNNNn!!!!!!! i almost fainted and puked.. haha. seriously.. its no joke. but i bet andrew or dunno who else is reading this is gonna be happy. haha. lolz.

long time since i've written eh

i dunno where to start writing. its like there's been loads of stuff that has been happening to me. its like all up in my brains but i just cant think where to start. haha. oh well. i just write whatever comes first. i feel the school im attending sucks. but i guess God has put me there for a purpose. sometimes its really stressful to study esp. my english is like SO hard. im trying to tell myself to study properly so that i can graduate by this year. but loads of stuff has happened and things doesnt seem to go the way i planned. i guess this goes back to putting what i've learned and what i've been telling ppl into practice. this is a time when i really have to rely on God. rely on Him and not my own understanding. sometimes i really wonder what has God planned for me. and sometimes i dont even understand what He's doing in my life. but today i was doing my Bible, and it answered my questions. it says that sometimes we dont understand what God is doing in our lives but all we have to do is lean on Him and put our trust on Him. i know i've said that my school sucks. but one things im thankful for is that i have a priviledge to study Bible as one of my subjects and i get to start the day off praying, having devotion, woshipping in school which i wont get it in normal gov. school's. today i was thinking how i wish i went to gov. school. then i wont have to suffer now. but once i came home and sit down to think bout my day. i really thank God for this priviledge i have. sometimes we all take things that we have for granted. arh. my heart aches so badly. it feels like its broken into a million gazilion pieces that nobody but God can mend it back. no matter what ppl tell me. its like going in one ear and going out the other. aw man. hearing what ppl is going through now in their relationships or watch nice romantic movies really kills me. its like aw man. i wish im going through something like that. hehe. okay okay. i shall stop this. i think its best for me not to have a relationship now. like what i told my teacher today. if i have a relationship now my studies will go down the drain. i think that's why God doesnt want me to have a relationship now. hehe. lolz.

*tears*

sometimes i wish things will be like last time. when i read back my chat logs with someone. i realize how much we can talk bout. how much we can crap and laugh. but now. things are so different. and we seldom have stuff to talk bout. why isit when u like someone. u'll be so shy. and u try to find words to say but u just cant. why did i ever like him? why must i choose to like him and make things so different now???? sighh. but i guess sometimes its hard to control ur feelings huh? esp. now. when i decide to not like him. something will happen and my heart will soften again. sometimes i just wish i can have no feelings. arghhh! its just so hard to get back up again! help me God! i really really need help! i cant stand this feeling anymore. cuz somehow. deep down inside. i feel that both of us has a chance to be together. or maybe i REALLY REALLY long for and want a chance for us 2 to be together. sometimes when i see couples together so happy and sitting in the car together after shopping at the mall. walking around shopping for clothes or furniture together. i really am jealous. and i really wish that i can do that with him. but i know my wish wont come true. cuz he likes someone else. i really feel like crying, breaking down to a million pieces. my heart is like smashed till u can even patch it back. words cant describe my feeling now. u just have to experience the same thing as im experiencing now. then u'll know. i think i better stop talking bout this thing. if not i really am gonna die. jump down from my condo. then u guys can see me in heaven. okay okay. i shall stop di. so ppl who is reading this. pls dont add any comment.

-thoughts-

i've been thinking alot lately. thoughts which i should let go. which doesnt help. cuz at night i dream dreams that make me feel sooooo grrrr.. its unexplainable. i know deep down in my heart. i dont want to let go. cuz i can see the way i worship God, my mind will slowly wonder and think and think bout possibilities, chance, wishes, dreams. which is really really bad. im really trying to put God first. but i dunno why i cant. argh! sometimes i really wish that my wishes and dreams will come true. but i dunno. all i can do now is to put my dreams, hopes, and plans into God's hands. which im also learning to do. sighhh.. life is just a cycle of learning. u can never stop learning. each day is a real lesson to me.

today i've realized how much my parents love me. not to say that i've NEVER realized in my whole 16 years. but on tuesday night, i told my parents that ill be back at like around 11. but i didnt have transport and all. loads of complications. and when i called my dad to come and pick me up. he really did. and that time was around 11.50 like that. and he sent my friends home too. i was really really amazed. and today when i called my mum to tell her that im going out. and to ask her whether she can fetch me after work. and she didnt even scold me that im going out everyday. but she just said that i have 101 things to do huh. i was like yeah.. hehe.. and she was like okay ill fetch u after my work since i need to drop by there for a while. but im just really thankful cuz remembering all my other friends. they are not sooo FREE like me. cuz i always go out from morning till late at night. and going out the next morning again. and they didnt make a single complain. im just really thankful. but u know. sometimes when there are misunderstandings and slight fights at home. obviously u'll be like "why God why???" but besides all of this. i really really thank God with all my heart for putting me in this family. i mean each family has their ups and downs. since nobody is perfect. but overall. its good. remember. lilo & stitch. ohana means family. it really brings me to realize how important is family even though there are good times and BAD BAD times. =)

to andrew.. thanks for insulting my spelling

yes andrew. i know my spelling is wrong. dont have to rub it in my face. i said already that i dunno how to spell it. see what kind of cousin i have. sighhhhh. haha. what did i do to deserve this??!!! nahhh. just joking. hehe. he's been a great cousin! horrrrrrrr.. lolz.. *hint hint* actually, there's nothing for me to hint. just saying that for fun cuz last time we all used to say that. oh and andrew, dont u miss us pinching u? too bad our president has left us. nevermind one day we can convince her and touch her life to get her back to church. hehe

so tired.....

im sooooo tiredddd. cuz yesterday i had to wake up before 8 cuz we were going tracting. we tract until like around 11. then we went to 3k for badminton. so on the way there i said i was VERY hungry then andrew and jon was like.. cannot esther! u and take it! burn all ur fats! exercise. and thanks to them at night i had indigestion. felt so pain okay. and uncomfortable of course. arghhh! but playing badminton was fun. kevin and jon made me run and run and run to get the shatercock.. is that how u spell it? hahaha.. lolz. dunno lerh. so anyway, after that we were suppose to go and watch a movie and shop. but in the end jon was too tired. so we decided to change it to another day. so as usual we went to just's house and talk and talk and laugh and laugh. haha. so after that we went back home.

today i have nothing to do. andrew asked me to go out lunch with him, delz, and chia hui to know chia hui better and to share share abit. but i cant!!! im too young for that!!! im scared. heheh.. lolz. so anyway, ill be watching SMALLVILLE!!! yay!!! isnt good?! im staying home the whole day for once during my holz. my bro was complaining di. hehe. anyway, my right hand is aching cuz played too much badminton. and it hasnt heal yet from camp. cuz we played this game.. where the guys had to play basketball.. shoot hoops. and the girls are the best! we had pillows to whack them to stop them from shooting hoops.. so after that the guys face and everywhere was pain and the girls hands was tired and painful. hehehe.

- h A p P i N e S s A g A i N -

hmmmm... abit the lazy to talk bout camp di. cuz u know. the stuff that im gonna say bout it is obvious. like ITS AN EXTRAORDINARY CAMP! IT WAS GREAT! IT WAS FUN! THE TOILET WASNT THAT GREAT! MISS MY HOME! THE TALKS WAS GREAT! GOD CHANGED LIVES! and everything else. so im gonna talk bout the present now. i've been feeling really down lately cuz of things that's happening. but oh well. its part of life. learning the things u need in life.

i had a great DMC session with andrew and delz today. luckily delz was there to help me answer. cuz at first i was a lil uncomfortable bout delz going out with us for the DMC but after that everything was well. sorry if ur reading this now and feeling like HMPH! hehe. everything has been settled bout my feelings and the situation im in. but of course healing takes time. recovering takes time. nevermind! ill help just to break her window and she'll help me to break and tear down my sliding door. as andrew said. if i can forget bout "IT" so fast, that means the feeling for "IT" wasnt real. im learning how to put God first and of course i have some solutions to it given by andrew and delz. im really thankful for these 2 ppl. really couldnt have gone through this happily if i didnt decided to have the DMC today. im really thankful.

am back from camp!!!! =)

although a part of me misses camp. but the other part of me is sooooo happy that im back home! with my nice and comfortable bed and most importantly AIR COND!!!! i wanted to write this yesterday. but there was something wrong with my electricity. it keeps tripping. but oh well. anyway, camp was GREAT!!!! we all made our decisions the whole camp. the camp was great! those ppl who back-slided and who were really dry in God came back. saw visions. made decisions. but of course after the camp. everyone had to face reality, face the world. cuz in camp we shut out the world and just concentrate in God and the ppl who are in camp with u. anyway, ill come back and continue later. now is not the time to write

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! im back!!! im back after getting a fresh touch/encounter with God... i went for the Planet Shakers conference from the 1st-3rd of Dec! it was superb. and this time there were more crazy and hyper Christians who is willing to travel for miles to come for the conference or even the night rally. so i shall start babbling now bout my experience in the conference and night rally. and i manage to talk and talk and go crazy with nigel again. its been a long time since me and eden has seen him.

for the first day of the conference. we didnt have any sessions. they just started with the night rally. which was really great too! but i didnt really feel the presence of God.... yet! cuz i wasnt ready. to tell u the truth, actually i went there with no purpose at all. i just signed up for the conference cuz my friends told me to. so anyway, i just went there with my friends and just praised and worship and all. then came the talk. OH NO! i forgot their names. but oh well. its God that matters anyway. the pastor was preaching and telling us to set a goal or a purpose for this conference. come expecting for something. dont just come for the conference blindly. and i was like yeahhh! i should do that huh. so we had a great time and all. and i went back at like 1 something and slept at 2 cuz i was talking and talking to carene. and i had a GREAT time on the way back.. cuz SOMEONE was driving me home. so happy.

second day - it was really really a struggle for me to get up at like 6.30 to bath and everything cuz the conference is at 9. and we have to go to pyramid.. the place where we have to pass loads and loads of jam. so we when we reached there... we didnt know that there were praise and worship. so we lepaked outside for a while. then the crew was like what are u guys doing here??? ur suppose to be inside. and we're like OHH NOOO!! hahaha.. so we missed the woship for the first session. but oh well.. the talks was really really great! the praise and worship is like FUIYOHH! u can really really feel the goosebumps man. esp when u stop for a while and take a look around to see the ppl of God all fired up. praising and worshipping Him. lifting up their hands and all. it was so great!

third day - my oh my were we all tired. but at least we made it early and managed to get good seats and manage to be there on time before they open the doors to let all the crazy and hyped up ppl in. ahha. and we went for one session with pastor christopher loong/long or whatever... that's he's word. WHATEVER! haha.. he's sooo soo funny.. managed to wake us up and all.. making fun of ppl. insulting ppl. lolz.. but the night rally was THAT great.. for me and eden. cuz we were all soooo tired. so sleepy. but during the ending. we had another praise. we jumped with all our might cuz that was the last time we're gonna be able to go crazy with dunno how many thousands of ppl. well, until next year at least. i feel so great on the last day that i didnt want it to end. although we were all tired and stuff.. we didnt want it to end cuz its just so great to just bask in God presence in His wonderful and mighty presence. u know, i came to this conference without knowing a single song they are singing. only like 1 or 2 songs that i know. isnt that sad. but oh well. so anyway, on the last day! i can practically memorize all the songs and sing it to u. cuz they sang the songs over and over again. haha.

this conference was really really great! i woke up this morning. missing the conference. missing the sessions. missing the talks. missing the great time i had with my gang. missing every single second of it! missing the breaks we had. missing the lunch break. missing the LONG LONG break before the night rally. missing the praise and worship. this time when they came. we had MORE ppl than the beginning of the year. imagine the first night we just had the normal place. but the second night they had to open it bigger. and it was packed! IMAGINE THE LAST NIGHT! IMAGINE THE PPL OF GOD WHO IS WILLING TO TRAVEL MILES AND MILES JUST TO COME! my oh my. it was really really great! so it wasnt a waste of my time or even my money.

*misses*

sometimes i wonder if i am taken for granted and whether i am easily bullied. like seriously. i feel so irritated, so frustrated, so arghhhhhhhhhh! if i am who i was last time. u make me feel irritated lil bit. ur so gonna kena adi. but now. i dunno why but im starting to be "nice". hahaha. not to be perasan or anything. but i feel that i've change and hopefully for the better. its like now i cant seem to be as "garang" as last time. maybe i am influenced by my dear eden. i just cant seem to let out all my anger adi. which is (i think) quite bad. cuz i know one day im so gonna let out all my anger. now a days i've been kepping all my frustration, my anger, my irritation, my frustration inside. whenever i get a chance to think of what i've been through or going through. i will think and like say to myself "kay. later when i see the person. im gonna scold the person and let out all i feel." but when i see the person, i just cant seem to do what i've made up in my mind. sometimes im so frustrated in life that i really wonder whether i am loved and whether there's someone out there who cares bout me. but oh well

someone! help me! teach me how to work this blog. haha. i dunno anything else besides blog. argh! aihhh. but fortunately. today during service. the pastor was saying. do unto others what u want them to do unto u. so i just need to live by that scripture. and of course there's this other verse saying repay not evil by evil but repay evil by good. or something like that. hehe. so i guess that is what that makes me what i am today. u know not like last time. but well, ppl change. like me and my gang. we have all changed. of course for the better. its like when we step back and look at how different we are now. its really unbelievable. okay okay. i shall stop saying this again. haha. anywayz, i am done saying what i feel now. *cheers*

happiness taken away in a blink of an eye

sometimes i do not understand why life can bring u up one minute and in a blink of an eye... u'll feel like u have been kicked down from cloud 9 to the hardest and most painful feeling in the world... but thank goodness for family and friends who are there to cheer u up and to understand ur feelings at this moment... u dont feel like a flower quickly fading, or ur here today and gone tomorrow, or a wave tossed in the ocean, or a vapor in the wind... but instead u can rejoice in the Lord and think of good good stuff instead of making urself worse huh... but sometimes i dunno why... u can just be SO DARN HAPPY in a minute... then before u can take it all in... something will just come ur way and make u feel the downest u can ever feel... i just dont understand why.. aihh... why? why? why? or isit my decision that makes me feel that way? if i didnt choose to be there at that moment.. if i didnt choose to think and feel this way... i wont be feeling this horrible right now... right? but oh well... all i know is that God i musnt blame God for this... cuz i know He will always be there for me... not taking His eyes away from me... i agree with what justina post in her blog... she said that all this while... we have grown up believing that there will be a happily ever after, a knight in shining armor, a ROMANTIC fairytale... but after all the things that i have gone through... reality has finally slapped me in the face... all this things that i've grown up with... all the things that i've seen in romance shows... is NEVER NEVER EVER EVER gonna happen in real life... unless u and ur partner are pretending larh... otherwise... there is no such thing... so i shall cast all my cares on God... and let Him just take over my life... my decisions... my everything.. i really hope to learn how to just let go of everything.. and just let HIM *the wonderful father up there* control everything... hmmmm... maybe that should be my question for camp huh... set my goal for camp... great goal!!! ahhhh... thanks God!

thinking too much!

friends say im thinking too much and making simple things seem complicated... oh well... its just me... my brains cant stop thinking.. *boo hoo* so anyway... yesterday i had my rehearsal... I SAW ANGELOOOOOOOO!!! and i talked to him... and he answered and he remembered me... sooo cute... but he was darn shy... i wonder whyyyy... hehehe... but stilll soooo cute... weeeeeeeeeeeee! hehehe... yesterday was fun... but everytime after a performance we have to rush to change clothes... man oh man... rush here and there... wish i didnt take part in so many things... hehhe.. but it was fun.. lolz... hrmmmm... someone looked so good yesterday.. so smart and leng chai man... ahaha.. even kor also said he was handsome... horrrrrrrrrrrr... heheh... sooo funny larhhh... lolz... i didnt know he was that siao... haha... have u ever wondered that u can chat with someone so much on msn but u cant talk to much face to face... isnt it weird? its like sudenly there's an awkwardness... weird huh... hehe... lolz... but i guess different ppl go through things differently... and it was amazing that yesterday andrew didnt insult me... for once he complimented me... or maybe he did that to make me get out of the toilet so that we can dance our 80's dance... hmmmmmmmmmm... oh well... dont care... at least he didnt insult me... lolz... so anyway... after yesterday i was too lazy to go to school today... so i declared my OWN holidayz... hehe... and later im gonna go eat indian food with carene... at last she can go and eat... if not every second i will hear her say that she wants to eat indian food on banana leaf... haha... lolz... so have a nice day! hehe... tata =)

-you will never walk alone-

along life's road
there will be sunshine and rain
roses and torns, laughter and pain
and cross the miles
you will face mountains so steep
deserts so long and valleys so deep
sometimes the journeys gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want you to remember
i want you to know

chorus:
you will never walk alone
as long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
you may feel you're far from home
but home is where He is
and he'll be there down every road
you will never walk alone

the path will wind
and you will find wonders and fears
labors of love and a few faliing tears
across the years
there will be some twists and turns
somestimes the journeys gentle
sometimes the cold winds blow
but i want you to remember where ever you may go

chorus:
you will never walk alone
as long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
you may feel you're far from home
but home is where He is
and He'll be there down every road
you will never walk alone

Jesus knows your joy, Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully

*wishes & dreams... love and misses*

aihhh... its sooo tiring to clean up the new house and mop and all.. well, at least now its cleaner than last time... i want to shop!!!! but cant!!!!! no money!!!! =( sooo sadd... aihhhh... this few days is all thoughts and thoughts and thoughts and nothing but thoughts... and when i tell ppl bout it.. i feel they are no help at all.. cuz they'll say... "wahhh... such a coincidence..." "it's a sign"... my goodness... aihhh.. i really hope that person is feeling the same way as me.. like u know... love me back... holidays is such a drag... at least in school.. if im confused or having bad feelings.. as least i get to see him.. but now.. i dont at all.. and eden!!!! she's in leadership camp!!!!! until saturday somemore.. my goodness... aihhh... this is sadness mannn... somemore she wont be around for me to sms and chat with to.. to tell my feelings.. aihhh.. sooo sad...

just now i was watching this part in a movie... when this therapist was walking to her car... then suddenly a guy came up to her and pull her to the stairs and raped her.. my goodness.. when i was watching that part.. i was seriously sooo scared and traumatised by how bad the world can become.. and how cruel the world has become.. i remember telling my brother when we were watching csi... i told him that i dont want to be a girl anymore... cuz after seeing what girls have been treated in this world... really really scares me... but all this ends up to the song called.. u will never walk alone by point of grace... that song really stayed in my mind everytime im scared of the dark or after i watch a scary csi.. that song really brings me from my scary state of mind into a total inner peace.. cuz knowing that God and His angels are beside me.. taking care of me.. and protecting me of any evil thing in this world... every night i pray that God will just protect my family from any evil spirit or evil deeds from this world..

God heal me

im not THAT sick.. but u know if u got a lil cough and sometimes feel like puking and have a lil flu sometimes... i will consider it as sick... cuz for someone who havent been sick for a long long time.. i feel like dying now.. lolz.. nahh, just joking.. of course i wont feel like dying.. such crap... anywayz, its sooo early and im starting to crap adi.. but oh well... cuz guess what guess what.. im gonna go out in like soon.. haha.. lolz... to watch SHARK TALE!!!!!!!!! and maybe white chicks too! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppp!!!!!!!! with my crazy bunch of friends again... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!

its been a long time since i've posted or ermmm.. crap here... cuz i was really really busy in school u know practicing for award's night.. dancing dancing none stop... which sometimes its way better than singing.. cuz i cant stand for long and stand straight somemore kay... if we can move around then kay larh.. but if u want me to stand straight and sing.. no way mann... haha.. so whenever i come back.. im just too lazy to write write write.. ill just come and chat and maybe play a lil pool u know get back some of my points from jeremy wong... and after chatting and playing and bathing and eating dinner.. i will feel so sick again and ill just go to sleep and not blog or do anything else... lolz... so that explains why its been a long time since i've blogged...

and yesterday the S.O.R ppl came... AND OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!! we had to dance in front of them.. which i thought was so embarassing.. and somemore that time i felt like puking really badly... my goodness.. imagine the embarassment.. haha.. lolz... but oh well.. who the heck is looking at me... anywayZ, I SAW... guess who guess whoo... ANGELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... the cutie boy boy boy boy boy.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! sooo cuteeee... but he looks skinnier adi.. i think starting to loose his baby fats... awww mannn... WHY OH WHYYYYY???!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR... *roar* ahahaha... lolz... nahhh... he's still so cute... i wonder if he still remember me anot... aihhhh... lolz

so anywayz, i guess i better stop crapping.. hrrrmmm.. actually i've noticed that i've never crap inside this blog huh... for the first time i've written such serious things!!! wooo hooo!!! guess i should celebrate celebrate celebrate... hahaha... lolz.. kay kay... shall go now shall go now.. tata...

help!

help!! this is sooo complicating.. i dont know how to operate blogspot besides posting.. so can anyone teach me???? sighhhh.. i dont really feeel like posting anything cuz nothing much is happening... everything is simple... simple simple simple... trying really really hard to think bout simple things and not making myself so confused over things.. and hurting my own feelings... sighhhhh... somemore this few days quite busy for awards night.. lazy to do school work adi... have to have dance practice which is alot of fun... really... hehe... i think this is the first time i dance hip hop and the 80's dance.. lolz.. quite fun and learned alot... hehe... anyway, have to go and do my work di... sighhh.. since i didnt do much work in school...

life...

sometimes life can just all of a sudden go up or go down... like either way way way up or way way way down... and sometimes God just want to test u or maybe its a spiritual warfare... but just remember to cast all ur problems, ups or downs to God... cuz He says to cast all our cares on Him... i've just learned a really important lesson today.. its that.. do not let ppl put u down cuz of ur youth... different people does different things and sees things in different ways.. and i've learned to lend a listening ear to my friends... sometimes friends can make u so disappointed and all... but remember our greatest friend up there is waiting for us to talk to Him... and He'll always be there for u to listen 24/7 and even in the middle of the night... u can just talk to Him and He'll listen to u.. i feel really glad to have God in my life and to have Him beside me every single time cuz i know if my friends are too busy for me... i know He will be there for me...

the world cant bring us true happiness and joy... only God above can... neglecting God is really the biggest regret in ur life... cuz God deserves every single second of our time... do not let ppl's word discourage u or even put u down.. 1 Timothy 4:12 - "Don't let anyone look down on u because u are young, but set and example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." as long as ur doing something good for God or whatever ur doing is glorifying God, u dont have to feel down and all... cuz ppl on earth is still normal homo sapiens and they are not perfect... truly in my year's of homeschooling in a Christian center has really taught me alot of important lessons in life... in what to do, in what to say, in what to react... i really want to glorify God for changing me and my bunch of friends to be a better person in Christ... truly God can do many mighty and wonderous things... i will always remember this verse in Romans 8:28... it says that "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."