delz surprise party

i know i know... it's a long time ago. but i've been busy and i havent been able to use the comp u know. most of the time my brother is using it. oh wells, at least he's staying back home now. =) to have one thing, i gotta sacrifice another.

* over u *

now that it's all said and done
i cant believe u were the one
to build me up and tear me down
like an old abandoned house
what u said when u left
just left me cold and out of breath
i fell too far, was in way too deep
guess i let u get the best of me

well, i never saw it coming
and i should've started running
a long, long time ago
and i never thought i'd doubt u
im better off without u
more than u, more than u know
im slowly getting closure
i guess it's really over
im finally getting better
and now im picking up the pieces
from spending all of these years
putting my heart back together
cause the day i thought i never get through
i got over u

u took a hammer to these walls
dragged the memories down the hall
packed ur bags and walk away
there was nothing i could say
and when u slammed the front door shut
a lot of others opened up
so did my eyes
so i could see
that u were never the best for me

the return of she-who-must-not-be-named

oh no... she's back!
*sirens blaring*
warning words coming out of everywhere
asking everyone to beware

CAUTION
CAUTION

she is out again
she has found her own way out
she managed to free herself from the chains that bound her



oh God!
save us all
how can we banish her to the ends of the earth?

M.I.A

once again im gonna be missing in action. basically, my midterm is gonna start tmr and i have not started studying any of my subjects besides those that i had class tests on. i am really freaking out right now. but i wonder why i still have the time to blog bout it. bahs. hahahaha


i dont think i will be missed because i have been m.i.a for so long anyways. all because of my flu and cough. ahahha. so hopefully i will be able to do well in this exam cuz really..... it's harder than the first sem exams. sighhh... guess i better stop writing nonsense and get down to studying. sheesh



im really testing God huh? like seeing how well He work in my life. making Him do the hard work together with me. burning midnight oil together with me. im sure He must be banging His head now... having to work extra cuz of me being so lazy. but but but.... that's why He's God. if i would have been God, i would not help me at all. ahhahaha. eish




till the next time, i'll have tons to update =) ahhaha. oh wells, that has got to wait =) have a great week ahead
*grin*

frootz

long long time since i've updated my blog. i know i know. how sad huh? i feel like my blog has been dead. well, i do felt like i was bout to die this whole week. cuz im down with flu and cough. so hopefully i'll be well soon. still feeling sick. anyways, been doing alot of stuff and my midterm is coming soon. i havent even started studying yet. i even forgot to bring back my books to study. how good huh? ahha

anyway... last sunday, andrew's company had some event in ttdi park. we had to pay 10 bucks for charity and we get to eat all the fruits we want. there was loads of food. so kevin and i decided to go. it was a really fun time. haha. except the clown part. hehe =)

this was all the fruits there

not forgetting the durians too hehe

our tags

my knight =)

if any of u dont really know me, u wont know that im terribly terrified of clowns. when i see them i just run away. not just clowns but those wearing the suits. like a&w bear or something like that. so i've never been able to get one of those long balloons made into weird shapes.




so my darling sweetie went and get me one

my honey

he got me a heart
his "heart"

i was a happy girl

now my life is filled with his love as well =)

i heart u babes =)
missing u so much!

a friend

hey... meet isabella
a girl whom i knew since the day i was born
she's a close friend
it's like we know each other inside and out
at times we are so alike
but sometimes i feel like i dont know her at all





she's the kind of person who gives up whenever things dont go her way
she loves to wallow in self pity
she's still like that even when people gives in to what she wants
she wants people to pamper her
she wants people to do the things that she expects them to do(like as though they can read her mind)




she wants everything to go her way
the way that she expects
the way that she imagines it to be
the way that she fantasizes




constantly she tells me that she hates herself
she thinks that she's not worthy of love
she thinks that everyone is against her
she even pushes away the person who loves her so much
that's the part she hates the most







remember when i say that at times we are so much alike?
hahaha
this is the time when i feel that we're so much alike

decisions

sigh
im so sad
i hate making decisions
i hate it when i make wrong estimations
i hate it when i think that i have alot of time in my hands




today i was forced to make the most unpeaceful decision i've ever made

i forgot that tonight i had plans

i felt that i needed to do something today

luckily ashley smsed me bout dinner

but in the end of the day, i decided that i will not go

the decision was also supported by kevin

sigh

i've never felt like this before

i didnt feel the peace when i made the decision at all

i didnt feel good when i decided not to go

i felt like i've made the biggest mistake of my life

sigh

i wish that i would never again be stucked in this miserable cross road

but oh wells

this is life

it is filled with cross roads, choices to make, good and bad

aih

so many things to do

so little time

spring cleaning

wow... i managed to clean up my table. how amazing. i never thought that this day will come. but it did. i finally got tired of postponing my spring cleaning days that i've finally done something bout it. actually, it's because wing lian has moved back here and he has been in my room like constantly. so i couldnt stand it. my own rubbish i still can bear. but have to have another person as well? bahs cannot cannot. hahaha

so im so proud of myself that i manage to make my table and room look clean. just wondering how long this will last. hahaha

groan

im an extremist

once i start thinking,
i tend to go to one extreme to the other
i can be VERY happy or VERY sad

once something dont go my way
once something dont make my day
i tend to give up
tend to think that maybe it's not right
that maybe it's not meant to be




this is me

trip to a park

im so happy that he has started classes. i know it's abit bad in my part but i get to see him in college and if our schedule's permit, he fetches me home or we just meet for lunch.




me is a happy girl



i've never been to this park near my house before. it's near mcd's. it's been there for a million years. it's just that i never go there. so today we bought an ice cream from mcd's and went over there for a walk


wow. the pond is really so so so "clean" that makes me enjoy the scenery even more

i just notice that this pic
makes us look like we're dancing

i hate to admit this.... but his eyes IS bigger than mine. sheesh.




no la.. maybe it was just the sun. that's why. u know me and the sun do not mix well. hahhaa




ps. i love u babes =)

ooo... ahhh... *goggleed eyed*

im finally over and done with my seminar presentation. dressed formally unlike my usual t-shirts. palms and feet sweating profusely. sheesh. went up there. talked so much. was so proud of myself for that. cuz usually im the shy one. showed my slides. then guess how much i got?? i was so shock when i saw my evaluation paper thingy. i got 90%!!! can u believe it? no right? so do i. truly by God's grace and wonders. i would have never done so well without my Father up in heaven =)


THANK YOU GOD! =)

yack yack yack

im not the kind of person who loves to talk esp. around a huge number of ppl. i only talk alot around ppl that im close to. i really dont know what to do. my seminar presentation is coming up. i still think that i have time to prepare my slides and presentation. hence, the slumber-ness right now. i dont know whether there's such a word as that but oh wells. i dont care. as long as u get the idea. ahhaha.

so anyway... about my seminar presentation... it is an individual presentation and we are required to talk bout 30 mins. 15 mins is for u to present whatever u wanna present then another 15 mins is for Q&A. it's like going for meetings and presenting to ur clients bout what u wanna sell to them or create some sort of awareness. gosh! some ppl has gotten over this tough presentation already and they make it seem so easy. sigh

really hope that i'll do better cuz some of them couldnt present so well and some showed some indecent pictures. yucks!

happy happy me

happy to be called family





*huge-wide-little-happy-girl grin*

rainbow.....!

on friday my darling was SO sweet to come and help me with making a rainbow for my lesson today. sadly.... i forgot to take a picture of the beautiful rainbow. sigh.


before we started our work of art. we decided to cook lunch. it was fun cooking with him. we've cooked together once or twice. it's really fun la. what with experimenting all the nonsense. putting in everything we think that would make the food taste better. ahaha. of course there was alot of arguments. we were arguing bout every single thing bout how to cook and what to put into the food but the food tasted good. ahahha. emmm, let me clarify. we cooked egg with sausages and pasta(those easy easy one la) but only the egg tasted good. the pasta was blehsss. horrible. but oh wells, that's the result of not learning how to cook. ahaha.



so after lunch, we started with our rainbow. it was tough drawing it. tough outlining it. tough coloring it. cheh wahhh! talked until like i did it all. HE did it all. okay okay.. most of it la. im not so bad u know. ehhee. he sat there patiently drawing lines. measuring and especially having me as his "boss". this not perfect that not perfect. the size is not right. too big. too much complains cuz i wasnt the one doing it. ahaha

he was busy drawing and rushing against time
here i was.... eagerly wanting to take loads of picture

i did this. nice lehhh..
too bad didnt take picture of the rainbow
nevermind
come to church then u can see =)

how...?

how should we react when things dont go our way?

how should we react when things happen and we dont understand why?

how should we react when certain situation makes our loved ones unhappy?

how should we react when we dont see God's plan?

how should we react when things seem so uncertain?

how should we react when we've come to a road block?

how should we react when we dont know which path to choose from?

once again

once again God never fails to amaze me. i had an accounts test last week. well, as usual.... i totally forgot bout it and i didnt even know what to study. actually....... my lecturer (who is leaving us soon maybe cuz of our class. i dont know. *shrugs* but she's bad at teaching us anyway) decided to announce a class test on the day when i skip her class. sheesh. how smart is she huh? my friend, jocelyn, went for class and she told me bout the test the next day. it's quite hard to trust her because she's really blur. like seriously seriously blur AND SLOW! sometimes i just feel like killing her. like literally killing her.

so anyways... she herself wasnt sure bout what we're suppose to study. what the test is about. what the lecturer is asking us to study. and mind u.... she was the only one in my group of friends who went to class. so can i kill her yet???

luckily on the test day itself, i had an hour break. wow. amazing huh. every time ngam ngam before my test i have an hour break. so my friends and i decided to go somewhere to study. guess what??? yeahh... once again we dont know what are we studying. dont know what to focus on. so in the end, we didnt study at all. we just went for the test blindly

fyi, jocelyn and kenny is like the people that alex and i go to whenever we dont understand stuff bout accounts. and jocelyn was saying that she's gonna fail and things like that. so we made a deal. if she gets higher than us, then she'll treat us lunch again

well, today my test results came and i was so certain again that im gonna pass with flying colors...! haha. plssss.. this is accounts we're talking bout. sheesh. i was positive that im gonna fail so badly. but but but but.......God manage to prove me wrong again.


i got a whooping 90%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i got higher than jocelyn
can u believe it?????????????
i cant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



definitely all glory to God!!!! =)
i could never have done it by myself
truly God has helped me tremendously

one of God's funny ways

yesterday, was a really gloomy day. fetched jessica, claire, and ian and we reached church early. so we sat in the car waiting for the church to be open and suddenly a song by rihanna played on the radio. u know umbrella...? yeah so i was singing to it then claire was like what la...not raining also. then during worship, andrew went up and read a scripture from jeremiah 31:3. then he said at times when it's raining, when all the problems starts coming in, God is like our umbrella.

and when i heard that i was smiling, my heart took a leap out of my body, and i was amazed that God is such a humorous God. He can be so funny some times.




on a different note, i finally have gotten my bday present from my parents. it's super duper late. but for a good cause la. i've learnt patience. pity my mum. she's been travelling non-stop and i've been busy when she's free. so gotta wait for the right timing. then last night, we went to curve to go nichii. manage to buy some clothes which i'll never buy last time. and finally! i got to buy my long awaited sunglasses.

we were suppose to go amcorp. a place that nelson brought me to yesterday(another long story) but my mum said nevermind. just buy in curve. cuz if not, i have to wait somemore. bahs. so im a very happy girl! will post up pictures of my sunglasses soon yeah?



now i gotta go do my homework. if not... i'll be so lagging. must catch up fast.

a sneak peek

today was... emmm... different. kinda like what i named this post. a sneak peek of a full time mother's life. cuz dax and eve moved to a new place. and guess who they called to baby sit????? yes yes yes... DING DING DING!!!! they called moi!!!! im so proud and honored. ahaha. so anyway, jon came and fetch me after my class at about 11.30 then off we went to their new house. wowww.. it's pretty and a really beautiful neighborhood. with lots of playgrounds near each other.

it was tough to take care of danielle. seriously. i had to entertain her. let her get all the attention that she needs. let her sleep. make her comfortable. wipe her saliva. loads of stuff la except feeding her. ahaha. so hard to entertain her. of all the things that i had to do, i love the part where she was sleeping. where all i had to do was to pat her back to sleep. that was the best part of all. ahhaha. im so bad. now im thinking twice on whether i wanna be a full time mum. sigh

so anyways... i obviously took some pictures of her. haha. she's too adorable to pass up that opportunity =)

this was her when she was one month old or something
she was so small
so fragile



now...

look how much she has changed! =)
she's so adorable

love this time. ahahha

manage to make her hug the bolster like an adult
hahaha
but that position only lasted for a while
then i had to carry her and put her back to sleep

once upon a time

once upon a time, i got my heart broken
but now, it's healed =)

once upon a time, i thought i'll never find another guy to love
but now, i've found a guy who loves me so much

once upon a time, i thought i'll never be happy again
but now, he makes me laugh and smile even when i think of him

once upon a time, i thought i'll never love again
but now im loving him so much

once upon a time, i thought the "he" was the one for me
but now, i've found someone way way way better

once upon a time, i wish i didnt have to go through what i went through
but now, i thank God for sustaining me

once upon a time, i thought the pit that i was in will be my "home" from then on
but now, im out of the pit

once upon a time, i thought that it was just another crush
but now, i can plan the future with him

photo

he makes me pissed
then
he makes me smile


he makes me angry
then
he makes me happy


he makes me frustrated
then
he makes me calm

I STILL
LOVE
Y O U DARLING!

wondersss

woww... ahhaha. i got back my computing theory class test and i had the shock of my life. i was SO SURE that i was gonna fail. but but BUT BUT guess what...?? God manage to amaze me once again. see what happened was.... i totally forgot bout this class test until the day itself. i forgot to bring the book back the day before as well. so thank God i didnt have accounts before my class test. so i had an hour or less to skim read 4 long and hard chapters.

this sem... all the stuff that im studying is so confusing that i have no idea whatsoever bout what my lecturers is talking bout. sheesh. most of the time i just sit dazed in class. and all i could see is my lecturers mouth moving but i do not hear anything.

so anyways... back to my computing result. well, i got 80%. hehehe. i was so reluctant to go get my paper and see my result. and my friend was there with my lecturer and he was like.... wahhh! see... say never study somemore. cuz seriously... to be honest... i didnt remember anything i studied. hahaa =) all thanks to God who helped me out =)

suddenly i wish

"why cant i go for trips and holidays with friends...?"

"aiyah... of course not. ur a girl..."







sometimes i wish im a guy

sometimes i wish i can have all the freedom that i want

but i guess sometimes what i want is not the best huh?

but if im a guy, then i wont be able to be together with kevin

sigh

what a dilemma

goshhh..!!

whatever

bittersweet feelings

things have never been better
i've never felt this good once things has been settled
had a last minute call by my dearest bout family dinner last night
pooi yian and i went to mcd's right after practice for some snacks
then she dropped me in his house
got ready and off we went to holiday villa for dinner

we got there early
so we walked around and talked and settled the day old arguments
learnt things from each other
it felt good being transparent to him

sometimes he shocks me
he knows what im thinking without me telling him
he knows what im feeling without me telling him
it's like he reads my mind



that is why i love him so much!!! =)

moments

what's the point of sleeping when ur gonna wake up 3 hours later
tossing and turning on ur bed
trying to fall asleep again
only to find that an hour later
ur crying urself to sleep

and u wake up again
thinking bout the sad dreams u just had
the sad dreams was inevitable because of all that happened during the day
and once again
a de javu
ur crying urself to sleep once again






sometimes i think
what's the point...?

cleaning out my closet

so many things unsaid
feelings and emotions kept locked up
no one knows besides u and God
it starts to rot
starts to break u little by little
what's the point?
what benefit do u get when u keep everything inside?

u have no one else to hurt but urself
okay... maybe the ppl who loves u

it takes time to get used to being transparent
to speak ur mind
to speak bout whatever is bothering u

i for one
am a person who love, i repeat love, to keep everything inside
i would rather just shut up and not say anything
until maybe that something makes me really sad or like i cant take it anymore

late late post

have been quite lazy to come online esp on msn =) guess im not that addicted to blogging and msning huh?

so anyways....
let me concentrate on what i wanna write bout. i made this really really late anniversary present for kevin. i had so much things that i wanted to do. like a whole list that i wanted to get or make for him but i couldnt make it come true due to some unforeseen circumstances. and the week that i wanted to bake for him.... i fell sick. well, not VERY sick. but didnt feel my healthy self. so i gave it to him bout a few days late. haha











gotta give some credit to my mum cuz she helped me with the words. i could have never done such a great job without her. it's been a while since i've baked with her. i used to bake with her when i was young. actually, more like me doing the minor jobs and she was doing most of it. afraid that i might ruin it. hehe. it was fun time.

transformers

as what the title clearly states, marc, jon, kevin, and i went to watch transformers last friday. and i gotta say.... that the movie was AWESOME! it was soooo chun. i didnt expected it to be so good. kevin was as usual hyped up bout it. he was so crazy over it ever since the trailer came out. he talked bout it every single day. every given chance he had. so finally we went and watch it... and i gotta admit that i wasnt looking forward to it at all. i was feeling really like nonchalant.

but

OH MY GOODNESS!!! the show turned out really really good!! GREAT!!! beyond great actually. it was soo soo good. and i havent watch the cartoon or whatever. i only heard bout it from boys and man of all ages.

note to those who havent watch it

pls make it a point to go watch it
should go watch in the cinema
really really awesome!

sometimes...

sometimes i wish that im not so involved in church
so that i can go out more often with my friends

sometimes i wish that im not the person that i am now
so that i wont hurt the ppl around me

sometimes i wish that i can go drinking or something
so that i can stay in touch with my friends

sometimes i wish i have good time management
so that i am able to do all the things that i wanna do

sometimes i wish that i am able to do everything that i wanna do
so that nothing is HARD for me

sometimes i wish i am not so forgetful
so that i remember to bring back my books to study for my test tmr for instance

sometimes i wish i have enough love to go around
so that the ppl around me will feel loved

sometimes i wish that i am a different person
so that i wont hate the person i am now

sometimes i wish that i have a high self-esteem
so that i wont feel so shitty now

sometimes i wish that there's only joy and no sadness
so that i wont feel the sadness i feel now

sometimes i wish that there's no heartaches
so that i wont feel the heartache i feel now

sometimes i wish that i can forget all the sad things
so that my life would be better

sometimes i wish that i would know the right words and the right things to say
so that i can help the ppl around me

fly away

no mood


in doubt


endless thoughts


feeling unloved

can i just fly away like a butterfly...? going from flower to flower getting sweet stuff. i love sweet stuff. flying around without any care in the world. except maybe getting squashed or caught by silly ppl who attempts to do some weird scientific experiment.

can i not care anymore???

the day has finally arrived

today marks the first year of our relationship
time has definitely flew past so fast
i cant believe it that it was LAST year
at this very same day that he asked me to be his girlfriend
i was shocked yet beaming with delight

it was this very same that day we made a decision
a decision that will change our present and future
decisions that included the both of us
when we started, we have inevitably started a few must-do's
such as....
putting the other person first
making choices or decisions that wouldnt hurt the other person

we cant be selfish anymore
cant just think bout what we ourselves want
but to put the other person's wants first

it doesnt feel that one year has past
i could remember what happened
it feels like it happened only a few days ago
but i cant remember the exact words that we said to each other
only vaguely

how i wished that i had a video camera at that time
then i could record down every single move
every single word said to each other
every single smile
every single moment
because i know....
that one day
my memory will deteriorate





okay... enough of the words. picture time...!

the things he bought for me
(still havent had time to buy for him yet)

do u know what is this...?
really delicious and yummy!
looks abit like rum&raisin

it's non other than snickers ice cream!!!

was surprised that he would buy me this book
and now im stuck with it
cant seem to put it down
hahaha
we only saw it once

we did everything like the first day we went out alone
we went to a&w
we watched a movie
(this time it wasnt x men.. but fantastic four.. another form of heroes.. hehe)
we walked around 1u
it was something really special
though the place might not be somewhere high class
not a "special" way to celebrate
but it was special to us
i felt like i was reliving the day again
except things were a little different

HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY MY
DEAREST DARLING
SWEETHEART HONEY BABY!

now i remember

hahaa... now i remember what i wanted to write last night. u might be asking why am i writing at this time of the day.... dont i have class..? haha. well, actually... as i was getting ready for to leave for class, my friend smsed me and said that my lecturer is on emergency leave. so i only have 2 classes for the day. feel like skipping it. sigh. but i know i shouldnt. but i want....! arghhhhh!!!!!

just wanna say thank u to all the ppl who wished me for my bday. really appreciate it. i had a hard time trying to sleep because of the continuous smses that was coming in. and some of them even stayed up till it was 12 msian time to wish me. i feel so honored. how nice. but oh wells. it was for a good cause. but sadly.... no matter the amount of smses or calls that i got, i still didnt feel like it was my bday. sheesh. what do i have to do to make me feel like it was my bday....?




okay... let's forget bout my bday. it's over and done with already. no point talking bout it anymore. so anyways....



i've been having a hard time deciding on what to do and what not to do. alot of things has been happening between a few ppl in college. conflicts and what-nots.

*bimbo talk* it's like so totally high school stuff *bimbo talk*

things heard and things said
things that ur unsure bout the validity of it
cuz u dont know everyone's good or bad side
u dont know when one is saying the truth
dont worry im not one of those ppl

but one of them involved is my friend. and i really dont want to see her get hurt by some idiotic guy. who has no brains whatsoever. he might be smart in class..... but in basic relationships, he might be a dumb a** sorry for the use of words. but he's no smarter than a starfish.

ps. do u know that a starfish has no brains..? (well at least that's what i've heard)

sigh. i do not know what to do. it's true what kevin said. i should just listen to everything and let it go out the other ear. should not participate in any of these anymore. it's it's it's.... to risky!!!


boring.................. dont know whether i wanna go for class today. really dont feel like it. bahs. but but but... no esther. u shouldnt skip classes. not good u know...? ish... let's see what happen next la...









to be continued..........

happy belated bday to me... heh heh

my bday started off like any normal day
struggling to get out of bed
the countless amount of snoozes
the rush of getting ready for college

i didnt even want ppl from my class to know that it was bday. it was seriously a hush hush thing.

this year i dont have a bundle of presents to show off. the gifts didnt matter anymore. all that matters was time spent with friends, family, and kevin

sad to say that i dont have any pictures to post up for my bday. hopefully tmr night i'll have some

hmmm... actually i have alot of things to post one. but i cant remember what i wanna write about. oh wells. nevermind then. i better get some rest cuz im feeling sick again. sigh. tatas =)

hahaha

today is such a funny day... why would i say that? well, it all start when i remembered how i celebrated my bday last year. sigh. i wish this year would be that same but sadly.... we've all moved on to different places and some to different parts of the world. this year.... i didnt want my bday to be made known to everyone. let's just say that i didnt wanna make a big deal out of it la. at least this year i get to celebrate with THE special person in my life.

i remember last year... when i kept telling delz or lay yan bout my stories with kevin. like what's been happening... all the happy happy joy joy stuff. ahaha.

i remember delz bluffing me that kevin wasnt gonna come for my bday dinner but in the end he came. she bluffed me so much that day la. ahaha

i remember there was one year... my friends had a surprise party for me in my condo because that was the year that they had surprise bday parties for everyone except kim. see... how much she sacrifice for me. i was so shocked and surprised that i was crying slightly. hehe.

i remember when i was younger... i loved ice cream cakes and my grandpa and my parents would get them for me every year.

i remember that i used to have parties during my bday

i remember seeing a picture of me when i was 2 or something... with a pink elephant as a bday cake. guess i started liking pink THAT young eh...? hehe

i remember when i was old enough to get a handphone.... i got a new handphone every year for my bday. until this year la. hehe =)

i remember how i used to tell everyone what i want for my bday. like giving them a list of what i want




another funny thing that happened today was....
when i was sitting with my friends... one of my friend's friend came and said hi to her... then she whispered something to my friends ear. then....

my friend : do u have a brother?
me : yes
my friend : do u stay in damansara?
me : in mutiara damansara
my friend's friend : emmm.. i think i know ur brother... he just graduated from IT right?
me : yeah

as i got up to walk to the car...

my friend's friend : emm.. dont tell ur brother that u met me ar..?
me : *in my head* for what..? like i met u... i dont even know ur name. i dont even know u. how can u consider this as meeting each other? *in my head* but i just said ahuh
my friend's friend : cuz i met him at ......
me : ughhh... yeah *smile* *trying to be polite* when actually i was screaming in my head... for what i want to tell him bout someone that i dont even know and that she knows my brother. what's the big deal....? like i care weiiiii. sheesh. ppl now a days. and she kept repeating "dont tell ur brother ar.. dont tell ur brother" plssss.. dont think so highly of urself lady... it's so high school man

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the person whom i always celebrate my bday with! hehe. she's a day older than i am. we've celebrated our bday since the day we found out that we're just one day apart. and she's back from NZ. we were so sad when she left for NZ cuz then this year will be the first that we're gonna celebrate by ourselves. so when she told me that she's gonna come back before our bdays... i was overjoyed! hehee =)

she's fun to be with
easy going
crazy
nonsensical
dramatic
silly
so-poh (like me & nat)
she's one that i never regret knowing

through the years of getting to know each other, there were loads of arguments, quarrels, misunderstandings. it was just a time that we needed to get to know each other as well as ourselves

i must say that there is never a boring day with her. i dont know why but i seem to have loads of "girl-friends" that i can have crazy, silly, laugh-till-our-stomach-hurts moments.

she's one of those that i can start talking non-stop with even though we havent seen each other for a million years.

no words can describe her until u know her urself. she's just a really really really wonderful friend to have




when i was looking through the pictures, i realized that we've changed so much. from our looks, to our clothes, to our view points, to our goals in life. i pray that u'll grow to be a lady chasing after God's will in ur life.

*tick* *tock*

time is ticking away
to a much awaited day
there's so many things that i wish i could say
that i wish i could tell
i wish i can be transparent with him
but why cant the words come?
why cant i just tell him?
why isit so hard?




on a really really different note, i cant wait for pictures anymore. i need to upload the pictures di. haha. guess my patience lasted quite long. anyways, i manage to take them with my phone. so... yeah =)

during family camp
this picture is however taken by a D40. so yeaps =)

at gotong jaya
eating durian ice cream
super yummy

this is before kevin's family dinner recently
was so scared
but it was good

she....

she hates it when lil things bug her
she hates it when she gets so sensitive over petty things
she hates it when she wants to do one thing... but ends up doing another
she hates it when she doesnt do what she has learned or decided
she hates it when things dont go her way
she hates it when she cares too much
she hates it when she thinks too much

she feels unloved
she feels like they're on different levels
she's scared that her dream will not come true
losing someone that she love so much is her fear
she's scared that one day love is not enough
she wonders when will her brain stop thinking so much
will the thinking ever end....?

maybe that girl really should take a breather
her brains better take a day off before she goes crazy
she should count to 10 before letting her emotions control her
she should think before she speak.... cuz she tend to realize only after hurting the ppl she loves

maybe she should listen to her friend
how she wish that she can think like her friend
how she wish she can be understanding
why cant she take things lightly...?
she makes me feel like killing her sometimes
sometimes i cant take her continuous rants
cant take her indecisiveness
she thinks too much, u know...?

seriously... i dont understand why she must think so much
she just love to complicate things u know....?
she can twist and turn
add salt and pepper
to the simplest things in the world that even a child can understand
she gets sensitive over small, petty things




can i have a day without her...?
isit too much to ask...?
i cant stand another minute of her
i want her out of my life
gone gone gone




i just hate hate haTE HATE this girl so much!!!! *ugh*

woots!

yayyy!!!! keep forgetting to post this

i had an accounts test the week after my hols. i totally forgot bout it. so after lunch with kevin. i studied for bout 15 minutes in the car. then i went for the test. i thought i would fail the test. seriously. i couldnt do my first question. my mind was doing tricks on me. but at least i manage to do the 2nd question. when i balanced it, i was like jumping for joy di. so bout few days later.... i got my results back. and i got an amazing 85% it was okay only la.


i had debate tooo. this week. was suppose to be on monday.... but no one was ready. we told the lecturer that she should wait and see us on the real day itself. we're gonna blow her mind. gonna amaze her. hahaa. so on wed we had our debate.... and she was amazed. i was so scared. so nervous. didnt even know what i was talking bout. but my group won! hehehe. amazing huh...? lol.


tonight im gonna go for dinner with kevin's family and relatives. awww mann. im so scared. im so nervous. i wish i could understand and speak fluent hokkien and mandarin. then if they insult me, at least i'll know. ahhahaa. sighhh.... so scared so scared so scared. sheesh. *faint*


cant wait to watch fantastic four!!!! cuz this month is my bday. so gsc is giving me a voucher for a free movie. so kevin and i are gonna go watch it later! weeeeeee =) hehehe. time is flying so fast. it's gonna be my bday soon. im gonna be 19 *sobs* old old person. and kev and i's 1st anniversary. oooooooooooooooooooooo....!!! hehehe =)

funny....

funny how God answers our prayers sometimes.
i was doing my QT this morning
actually i didnt want to do it... wanted to sleep somemore
but no way am i gonna let Satan be happy

so it was talking bout living a life of purpose
letting God shine through me
letting God use me
am i making God known to everyone around me?

and at the bottom of my notebook
cuz i have one of those christian notebooks where there's verses at the bottom of the page
and it was joshua 1:9

" be strong ang courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with u wherever u go. "



i felt so good after reading that verse
i was so discouraged yesterday
that's why i wrote that post
i am a person who lets emotions control my decision, mood, everything
i know my God will never leave me nor forsake me

THE JOY OF THE
LORD IS MY STRENGTH! =)

who am i?

am i invisible?

am i unnoticable?

am i a good friend?

am i always there for u?

am i worthy of love?


who am i in ur eyes?

it's a wonder why i choose to seek approval from humans and not God

FAITH IS ALL THAT
YOUR HOLDING ON TO

i havent been wanting to blog ever since i came back from camp and when i finally do want to blog.... this silly blog site would not let me sign in. so finally.... after a million tries and a threat to kill the computer, it finally let me sign in.



just a warning before u thread forward to a post full of words... i dont think this post will be filled with pictures. i've decided to collect all the pictures and just post it all up one shot. for the moment i have the patience. let's see when will my patience let up. hehe =)



many things has been happening. many unwanted things. many sad things. many unbelievable things. many i-wish-i-could-turn-back-time things that has caused me to think twice before i write a post. i tend to not let the things that's been happening to let fear seep in. afraid that if i focus too much on a certain problem, the fear might win the battle and grip me.



camp has been awesome, great, and a wonderful experience. i do not regret going. the speaker was really funny. pictures was taken but not as much as i expected or wanted. but oh wells... genting is so near that we can go take a day trip.



time is certainly flying way way too fast. now we're in june. it seems so unbelievable.





"God's grace didnt mean life skipped over the hard parts. Grace meant that when life threatened to drown us, in those catastrophic moments, God encloses us in the pocket of His embrace. The only way to discover God's sufficient grace is to let the storm buffet, and then cling on to God. "

family camp

well well... today marks the first day of family camp. i should be getting ready soon as my beautiful chariot is coming to pick me. ed and cia is at centerpoint so they'll come get me soon. so i better stop writing. heh heh.

i guess this year's family camp would be a little different for me cuz im not going with my family. as in the-family-that-God-has-put-me-in-to-take-care-of-me-till-im-old-
enough-to-marry. but at least i'll be going with the family of God and also my aunty and uncle and cousins. though i wish that my family will be there during the camp. it'll be so weird. more bout family camp after i come back. right now i should finish off some last minute packing and get ready for the chariot in disguise of a black honda to get me. haha.