memories

yesterday.... my dearest darling came and pick me up then we went for lunch =) how sweet of him. came down all the way to pj. pick me up then go back to subang for lunch and to get stationery's for my lesson and also for indoor camp. cuz if not i wont have any transport to go down to subang for the dinner. then we went back to his house to.......

* cut some fruits *
seriously. if u ask me. i have no idea whatsoever to cut fruits. im serious. im so scared to even hold a knife. i've never cut so many fruits in my life. all i do is tell my dad that i wanna eat fruits. and next thing i know. it's there in front of me. all cut up and skinless. haha. but cuz of my baby... i choose to learn and im willing to learn =)

* he had half a pear in his mouth. that's why he looks like that *
hahaha. i kept accidently cutting it into half. cuz u need to cut off the seed part right. so i gave him half and i ate the other half. but dont worry. after a while i mastered it. which was like when we're about to finish cutting all the fruits. ahhaa

then delz came to pick me up. we went "somewhere" to buy my kai cheh's present. cuz at night we had dinner&dessert for her.

* the bday girl *
outside swensons

* apple crumble *
it wasnt as nice di. bahs. maybe cuz i was too full to enjoy it. but i enjoyed the rum & raisin. always will. hahaa =)

* what's a night out without taking pictures with her? haha *
it wont seem complete

* HAPPY 24TH! * =)

*one of her bday present *

the balloon was my idea. should have taken picture of the other one. it's smaller present with a smaller balloon. we tricked her. we said we couldnt find a bag for her. and that we only managed to find a nice necklace for her. ahhaa

wonder why the balloons? hahaha. dont ask me why also. i dont know why. delz was pointing the balloon pump at me. like wanting to shoot me with air. then i was like ehhh!!! let's put balloons on it! hahaha. i guess this happens when ur teaching in children church. hahaa. the child in me keeps wanting to come out. hahaha!

more pictures to come... as usual.. it's in andrew's camera too! =)

i love creating memories with them. it's never enough when it comes to spending time with them. we could talk bout anything under the sun. who needs drinks, loud music, dark places to enjoy urself. all u need is time and ppl that ur close to....

people like THEM!

help me God!

i have been receiving new challenges now a days....

1. we're doing the evangelism series for youth. and im the group leader. and group leaders are to share the gospel.
   
2. discipleship class. my group have to memorize psalms 119

awww mannn.. this is baddd.. for my discipleship class. im in the E.K.E.A group. the ppl are elaine, kevin, me, and andrew... we have to memorize psalms 119 as a group project. at the beginning when elaine suggested that we memorize that.... i was seriously like not happy with it. but what to do.. i dont have any better ideas for the group project. cuz if i say i dont wanna do it.. i should at least come up with another idea to be considered. but but but but...... i dont have. so have to do it lo.

the first 12 verses was quite okay la. cuz i like psyche myself up and told myself that with God i can do it. so i manage to memorize the first 12 verses. but when it went on to the next 12 verses........ which is till verse 24..... things kinda got harder for me. i dont know whether it's cuz im relying on my own strength or something. but but but...... it's HARD!

and now we should at least memorize until 50 something i think. verses 40-50 something. and im still stuck at 24. i tried to memorize today. but but but.... slowly slowly im starting to give up. it's like when i think of the verses that are needed to be memorized. im like bahhhssss.. whateverrrr!

i guess i gotta remind myself what's the purpose of us memorizing the verses in the first place. gotta remember that i shouldnt give up. i keep telling myself that i should do this. should take up this challenge so that ppl can see that it's do-able. that it's not an impossible thing. but but but... now im starting to think it myself. that maybe it is impossible.

maybe i shouldnt think that im memorizing the verses for other ppl. maybe i should tell myself that it's for my own good and to help me learn to trust God in this. that He'll help, equip, and grant me the ability to memorize it. and then it'll be a plus point like an extra benefit if ppl get's touched and encouraged by it.

aihs but at the moment..... i feel really sad. feel really down. that i cant memorize it. that i dont have the so-called "umph" to memorize. which is really bad. that shows how important God's word is to me, to my life. aihsss.. im so sorry God. dont let me fail U. dont let me let U down. God pls help me! i need U every single day. more than anything! help me God!

wow

i worked with a new girl today. the branch manager. i met her once la. the first time i saw her was during her off day. she just decided to drop by the store for a while. but i didnt get to work with her until today. she was really fun, funny, crazy, silly, and makes u laugh with everything that she says.

there was a convo that made me beam with joy
angie by the way.. that's her name : so esther do u have a boyfriend?
me : yeah
angie : where did u meeet him.... met him in church?
me : *shocked* it didnt register in my head at the mention of church.. yeah, how did u know im a christian?
angie : alahhhhhh... plssss... ur face radiates it la

after that i was like so shocked and so stunned. that is really what i've been praying for. that ppl can see God in me and i dont have to tell them that im a christian and all. somemore she even knows that i've been a christian since young. but the sad thing is that she was a christian before. she said she gave up. she has been a christian since young and she decided to give up. isnt that a sad thing to hear? i was really sad when i heard that.

then i thought..
will that happen to me next time?
will i be like her?
giving up on God?
giving up on what i've believed in all my life?

how can one just suddenly decide to give up on something they have believed in since young?
how can one lose that believe?
that love?
that trust?
that faith?
surely something must have happened that triggered that decision

surely i dont wanna be like that
i cant imagine myself no longer going to church
no longer having SOMEONE to fill the void of my heart
no longer able to lean, trust, hold on to someone
no longer to experience the unwavering faithfulness
no longer having the unconditional love

i thank God
unlike us
He will always remain faithful even when we dont
He'll always be there for us
He'll always be loving us
He'll always be our Father
our Savior
our Lover
who always wants the best for us
who always gives the best to us
He'll always be the one who has loved us first

w i s h e s

sometimes i wish
i dont have to feel certain things
sometimes i wish
i can control my feelings
sometimes i wish
that i dont care

sometimes i wish
i dont think so much
sometimes i wish
i dont care so much
sometimes i wish
im not so sensitive

sometimes i wish
i can be like God
be forever loving
no matter what
have an unconditional love

sometimes i wish
i dont feel the way i do now
in case u didnt know.... it's not a very good feeling
sometimes i wish
i can just run away from everything

i wish......
i wish......
i wish......
i wish......
but will it ever come true?
will it ever come to past?

so not my day

am i asking too much?
am i having too high an expectation...?
...that is too hard to be accomplished?
am i thinking too much?
am i caring too much?
am i being too sensitive?

do u really feel the way u say u do?
do u really care for me?
am i important in ur life?
am i important to u?

do i have a special place in ur life?
what place do i have in ur heart?
do i come after ur friends?

how come my brothers get what they want?
how come they get to go trips?
how come they have more freedom?
how come they have more choices?
how come they have more decisions?
isit really only cuz they are guys?

u might say with choices,
with freedom,
with decisions,
comes a great responsibility...
bahhssss
whatever...
u can say whatever u wanna say
i dont care

when i say i dont care...
do i really dont care?
how do i not care?
when i say whatever...
is everything okay for me?
how can everything be okay for me?

how do i care less?
how do i be less sensitive?
how do i ask less?
how do i expect less?
how do i think less?

why cant i say no to ppl?
why cant i stand my ground?
why cant i be more firm with my decisions?
why cant i be stronger?
why cant i be braver?
why cant i be bolder?

l.o.v.e

love....
what does love means to u?
what comes to ur mind when someone mentions the word love?

sometimes we have the wrong idea of love
like in the media
the romantic movies
indirectly ur putting expectations in ur partner
like one should act this way
one should be that way
one should speak like that

but in reality
how many ppl would be like those in the movies
knows exactly what to do
knows exactly what to say
knows exactly how to act

a relationship takes effort
love is not always lovey dovey
it's not as simple as it seems
the good and bad makes up the whole package
u cant just ask for the good
the bad will come along with it

love changes a person
there's something that i read in justina's bible that i really love
it goes something like




love... u cant bottle it, cant touch it, or even see it
but who among us would argue that love isnt real?
it makes sane ppl do and say crazy things
it prompts snobby, selfish ppl to do noble things
it turns boring ppl into exciting, unpredictable creatures,
what else on earth has that kind of power?
it can hurt like nothing else in the world
and yet, not loving is much more painful
the most talked about, sung-about, and thought-about theme in all the world
and also the most miunderstood




it's so true
when ur single... u wish ur attached
when ur attached... u wish ur not
not to say im wishing that im not attached
im just saying la

i really do love kevin
i love him so much that i wish i can be with him always
i want to go through life hand-in-hand with him
he has really changed me
he made me be completely honest with him
he made me wanna talk out all our problems
i wasnt like that last time.. used to keep all my feelings inside

though it's kinda hard to love his weaknesses
it's kinda hard to love the bad times
it's kinda hard to love the not-so-lovable part of him
but im sure he doesnt love my weaknesses
doesnt love the bad times
doesnt love the not-so-lovable part of me

it's cuz of God that we're able to love
it's cuz of Him that we're able to accept one another
it is by God's unconditional love... that we can love one another

day by day
i believe that God is shaping us into the person we're suppose to be
into the 2 people that fits perfectly together
like a jigsaw
He's slowly shaping and cutting off the sides
i guess that's where all the arguments, misunderstandings, and exasperations comes in

at the end of the day
i thank God
for bringing kevin and i together
for blessing us with this relationship
for showing us love so that we can love each other
for the times that we're able to spend together





dear.....
no matter how we feel bout each other
good or bad
happy or sad
crazy or angry
jolly jolly or exasperated
i will still love u

even if we dont have much time to spend together
even if we have alot of time spent together
even if it was just a phone call
even if it was just an sms
i will still love u



though u cant literally be my knight in shining armor
and im not a princess in a dungeon waiting to be rescued
i will still love u

but heyyy.. u can be my leng chai in blazer *winks*

w o r k

i worked at my mum's office today. they had tooo many documents to be shredded so they need to get a temp person to help shred the stuff away. and that person was ur's truly. it was quite interesting actually. just sitting down... shredding the papers. then i have to change the black plastic bag when it's full. the only time i get up is when i need to get more papers to feed the machine or change the plastic bag or just plainly walk around to move my butt abit.


i prefer bumming around there. cuz heyyy... i get to do an easy job plus sit down and bum around and get paid. since ill be sitting in front of the tv at home anyways. i might as well put my potato-couch-lover-butt into good use and earn some cash $$$ i can hear the sound of the money coming in already. bahs.


though it'll be much nicer if i get to bum around at home la. but at least the ppl there are nice. they are really friendly. and working at cats whiskers has really made me come out of my comfort zone.. out of my shyness and be out-going. not to say now im like super out-going and talkative to everyone that i meet. but at least im better than last time la. i think im not so shy anymore. heyyyyy!!!! im shy okayyyyy!!!! hahah. im serious.


ohh yeahhh.. and when i sit around and rest for a while. of course i rest laaaa. im not a robot. when im resting... it's either ill go and kacau my mother or get a cup of water ( get thirsty super fast ) or i......... take pictures!!! hahaha! what to do... i love taking pictures =)

* please step into my office *
where i sit & my trusty machine *pats*


let me give u a step-by-step guide to what i did =)

* step 1 : feed the machine till it's full *

* step 2 : open the machine's stomach *

* step 3 : take the bag out *

* step 4 : take the plastic bag out from the metal frame *

* step 5 : tie the bag up *

* step 6 : dump it at the corner *
can u imagine??? this is only like half a day's worth of shredded paper. can u imagine how many bags would there be by 5??? everyone that passed by... they were like u did all that???!!! *mouth open * seeee... i can do work pretty well *wink wink* *pats shoulder *

* amount of stuff that i need to shred *
i finished bout 2 and a half of those boxes. it was overflowing with tons and tons of paper

*continuation *

* beginning of work day *
so happy!!! can get money! easy job! woo hoo!

* after lunch *
the plus and minus part of working is....
the plus part = money $$$
the minus part = dont have time to spend with kevin *tear*

by the way... can u guys guess by now who was the photographer of some of my pictures. hahahaha!!! it's hard to believe. it was my mum. she came to kacau me from time to time. seeing how i was doing. then she saw me holding my phone. she was like smsing again???!!! then i was like noooooooo!!! taking picture laaa. she started laughing. so she decided to be a nice mummy and took some pictures for me. to show ppl that i really DO work and not just say im working. ahaha

p.i.c.t.u.r.e.s!

* alex & li ann's wedding*
i know it's abit late. but just got it from francis's webshots. didnt even know he took this picture haha

* amelia *
during the cc's lantern festival. she kept holding on to a candle till it breaks. then change to a new one. so cute. ahha

* we love the lighting of the house*
super nice to take pictures

* cia & eng kok *
abit weird eh? never like take picture with eng kok for fun. ahha

* nelson, cia, & eng kok *

* ugh! i love shermaine's house la! super nice to take pictures! *

* flower power *

* my picture taking sweetie *

* then came another *

* grace, vanessa, geraline, cia *
then came another 2

f.u.n

wowwwwww! it's been a week since i've last posted. i cant believe it man! now a days im not really at home. mostly im home for like dinner or to sleep and bath or something. been having quite a few plans cuz of cia and other ppl also la. ahaha. u can go to her blog and read of all the last minutes changes and all the things that we wanted to do.

hmmm.. dont know what else to update bout. actually.... more like im too lazy to update. i dont know. i have mood swings now a days when it comes to updating my blog.



so here... look at picturessss.. hehe. nicer than reading a long post =)

* church *
before leaving for pd
went there for the last week of the fellowship series

* amelia *
dont she look cute?

* see anything common? *

* it started from a small hole in the ground *

* yian *
miss salty and miss spicy

* claire, geraldine, michie *

* some of the luke girls *

* hand-in-hand for crazy adventures *

* do we look good together? *
hahahaa *sweat*

* raspberry *
we were suppose to exercise. instead we ate ice cream *sweat*

* before *

* my job was cutting *

* the result *
cia & i made it

* adventure *
leaving to aunty see wei's house. which we didnt know exactly where

* toys toys toys *
unleashing the child in me

* pool *
played with ed & cia

* it just wasnt complete without =P *

* cousin sis-in-law *
ahha.. super crap

* li ann *

more pictures to come