HAPPY BIRTHDAY CIAAA!!!!

happy birthday to u
happy birthday to u
happy birthday to my dear ketua biri biri
happy birthday to u
*sings out of tune, out of key, out of........dot dot dot* ahahha

fine fine... i know my singing is not as nice. compared to some certain person. *wiggles eyebrows* ehehe. but but but.... i know u love me. u'll accept how horribly i sing right? right? right? like that night during the dinner. kakakaka!!!! was super funny. the way we sang. oh wells. we dont go there often anyways. like whatever. ahahha.


isnt it funny how close we've become? i never would have guessed that we would become as close as today =) it really has been a blessing to get to know u better. actually, since when did we suddenly become close ar? ahhaa. weird huh. it's all in God's planning. i enjoyed every laughter, tears, joy, crazyness, sad, depressed, going siao siao, huggie wuggie moments and of course taking pictures with u. u have made my life more interesting. there is no space for dull moments when ur there. hehe.





i thank God for bringing u into my life
thanks for erasing every dull moments in my life.. kekeke
thanks for all the advices
the hugs u gave me when im down
truly ur a friend who brings me comfort when im sad
who brings me warmth when i needed it
who helped me up when i fell
who brought laughter
and of course crazyness into my life

my dearest ketua biri biri aka sweetest friend aka etc etc (too many di)

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY CIAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
i love u heapssss! *muahs muahs *

things.in.my.mind

The following has been something going on and on in my mind...
p.s : wear an extra jacket. kekekekekeke. (so super crap wei.. sheesh. haha)






can i ever make up for my past?
can i redo everything over again?
can i erase all the wrongs that i've done?
can i feel loved again?
can i feel worthy again?

can u still accept me for who i am?
can u look beyond my past?
can u still care for me?
can u still love me even through my imperfections?
can u take my past?
can u love my weaknesses?

am i worthy of ur love?
do i deserve ur love?
do i still melt ur heart away?
do i still make ur stomach flip?
am i still the same person that u fell in love with?
have things change ever since we're together?






but dont get me wrong
im happy in another way for my pasts
im happy that now...
i can use it to help other ppl
im happy that i can share my feelings
my thoughts of my past
and that's an answer to my prayer
i prayed that God would use my not-so-good
and not-very-proud-of past
to help other ppl
and He's doing that =)







i know i have tons of questions
my mind just keeps going and going
i guess the day my mind stops wondering
is the day i stop breathing
hahaa.. ok ok.. that sounded a little scary
the only person that can give me peace...
is G O D


i know i scare u with my never ending questions
but that's me..
continue to pray with me
that my heart, my mind would stop wondering


but at the end of the day
when God has finally given me peace over my thoughts
over my wondering heart
over my wondering mind
i know that no matter what
i deserve God's unconditional love
i know that u'll love me for me
u told me that
and sometimes it's just unbelievable
that Y O U...
would love me for me


it's the same as God's love
sometimes it's just unbelievable
that someone as great as God
would love us no matter what
no matter our past
no matter our future
no matter our thoughts
no matter our feelings
no matter our imperfections
He still loves us
and that's what i get from Y O U


that's why i thank God everyday
for giving me Y O U
for giving me this love of my life
for giving me an understanding guy
for giving me a person who loves me for who i am
for giving me someone who can make me smile
who can make me laugh
for giving me someone who makes me blush
for giving me someone who makes my stomach flip
my heart flutters whenever i think bout Y O U


now now.. dont be perasan
and dont shiver cuz of the mushyness
hehehehe =)
im sure u know who is that "Y O U" person
and that person is no other than......................................

my dearest and sweetest...
* kevin ng *

oh no *shocked*

haha... i know i know.. the title of this post is abit emmmmmm... sillyyy?? welll... it's really an emergency.. u know why???? wanna know why????? u better want to. u better keep asking me why isit an emergency. hahaa.. ok ok. so fine. im a little crazy. cuz im kinda kinda kinda... a little teesy weeny bit bored. not THAT bored. but yeah... bored. and there's alot going on in my mind right now. i dont really wanna write bout it here.....yet.. maybe ill write it here one day. when i get it all settled and when i get the answers to my questions. maybe maybe. ill see whether i can write it here =) cuz u know.. sometimes......somethings are meant to be kept between 2 ppl only.


ok ok ok. let me get to my emergency. i was reading my post last time. when i was sad and depressed. i mean not to say now a days im no longer sad or depressed. maybe not depressed la. but just sad. u can never run away from sadness. like it's gonna be there. life is full of ups and downs. but how u choose to handle and deal with it is a different thing. it's what changes it. so anyway... why so i keep sidetracking? kakaka. well, as i was saying. my old posts. i used to be able to write poems. and now... i cant seem to think of words that can rhyme. like it's all jumbled up in my mind. do u think it's cuz im not concentrating on my feelings? like i dont really know what im actually feeling? that's why i cant put it into words? is that the main reason? is that the answer? i hope i can write poems again. i miss writing them. i love to read it over and over again and it really expresses how i really really feel.




so let's move on from that thought. i was doing my QT today. and it talks bout our words. the words that comes out of our mouth. isit destructive? or isit like an encouragement to ppl? like a nutrient to help nourish living things? i really do hope im an encouragement, a blessing to ppl around me. more understanding and having empathy.





to the ppl who has been reading my blog since the day i introduced u to it. since the very first starting of my blog. since 2004 or even through the time when all the posts seems to be nothing other than depressing. isit still depressing? can u feel the joy whenever i update it? hahaha. i hope that it is more happy and joyful... no longer depressing. ill try not to make it sound depressing anymore la kay. hahaa.


hehe. i've been a good girl today. changed my bed sheet.. rearranged all the soft toys and pillows and bolsters on my bed. now now... dont get me wrong. all the soft toys are gifts. that's why it has a special place on my bed. if not it'll be all in a box or a really huge plastic bag. waiting to be donated to poor little girls who cant have toys to play with. cleaned up my room. vacuumed and all. ahhhhh.. now i feel like my room is sooo clean. so proud of myself. hehe. *gives self a pat on the shoulder*


and i managed to get hold of the principle of the kindergarten at the back of my house. he said he'll get back to me and that he and his wife wanna meet up with me.


i would prefer working at the kindergarten. then at least i get to deal with the kids and know whether montessori is what i want for my future. i could get another job in siew peng's office. in cats whiskers and that is quite near my house too. but not as near as the kindergarten la. haha! but but but but but.... the thing is that the hours are from 12 noon till 9 at night. i would rather like one that has normal working hours. cuz i was thinking... if i work there. that means ill be super super tired even though i have the morning off. and i would be missing prayer meetings. nowwww.... we wouldnt want that dont we. sigh. well, i hope i can get a job at the kindergarten. that'll be nicer =)

more pictures =)

top (left-right): kevin, me, euginie, andrew
bottom: wing lian, joanne
* see... the newly weds. so naughty. *

* during alex & li ann's wedding dinner =) *

* andrew & i in fbc. after the ceremony *

* pasar malam & the long postponed durian feast *

* kevin, me, joanne, ginie *

* before alex & li ann's wedding dinner *

children church song....memories. kekee

today i woke up with this children church song stuck in my head.



He's the Lord of the sunshine
and Lord of the rain
He's the Lord of the good times
and Lord of the pain

He's the Lord of the mountains
and Lord of the sea
Lord of the music
Lord of the children
Lord of Y O U & M E



since i practically grew up singing that song almost like every sunday. maybe la. cant remember. even sometimes when im on duty for cradle roll. sometimes i choose to sing that song too. but i just sang it. never really thought bout the words. but this morning... i suddenly realize. the effect it took upon me. the way it brought peace into my heart. the way everything feels so calm and perfect. knowing that everything is truly in God's hands.



He really is the Lord of everything. He's everywhere. loving and caring for us. whether we feel Him or not it doesnt matter. as long as we know that He's forever there for us. waiting for us to turn and talk to Him. to draw love, strength, peace, wisdom, faith, trust, etc. as long as we ask


furthermore.... im kind of a negative person. im always scared bout every single thing. scared of the future. scared of minor things. scared of the dark. scared of speaking to strangers(as in newcomers in church or college ppl or ppl in new places la). like more shy actually. scared of insects. scared of dirt. scared of i dont know what else la.



so this song really made my heart calm down. cuz tmr im planning to go to the kindergarten behind my house to ask for a job. and this thing has been postponed for almost a month now. woahhhh!!! time flies. cuz i was really scared to go there. show up and just ask for a job. but i know that it's time for me to do things on my own. to be bold and brave. soooooooo... yeaps. pray that ill get a job =)

gross post???

hmmm.. a different font for a change. kinda getting bored of my other one. and a different color. kekeke. once in a while a change is good =)



so anyway.. this is gonna be emmm.. a little gross update. hehe. but but but.. i wanna write it. and i wanna thank God..

cuz cuz cuz cuz cuz.... this month.. my 'time-of-the-month' came without any severe cramps, backache, headache and all.. but it came with tons of pimples, only a full day of cramps and backaches. and that was during the event. then it just came without anything super painful. im sooo thankful!!!!! i dont wanna suffer from all that pain. usually ill suffer for like few weeks then only it will come.


hahaha... ok ok.. i think i have enough writing bout this. hahaha. before u guys like die and wondering why would i write bout this... but i wanna thank God marrr... wanna let ppl see that God can work miracles =)

wow. long time since i've updated

hmmmm... this past week i've been going out practically everyday. hahaa. from shopping to watching movie to doing the montage with andrew at night to everywhere. it's time to get a part time job. cuz i want the money. and i dont wanna waste time at home..


on thursday...
delz came over to sleepover. we were kinda bored after eating la. so we were thinking of what to do. then we suddenly thought of going shopping. thank God that we went. cuz i wanted to get a black shoe. for the event. explain later. and andrew keep forgetting to bring michelle's shoe for me. so we decided to go la. wahlaooo.. we went for like 2 hours plus i think.. delz manage to buy like 4 tops. and she managed to find a top for alex and li ann's wedding somemore. and it was like rm15.80 weiiiiiii.. tsk tsk tsk *shakes head* amazing. and i manage to find a black covered shoe. it's the pointed one. which my mum always wish i would one day buy something like that. haha. and guess what? when andrew came... cuz he needed to check on the montage and needed to burn it into the cd.... he really forgot bout the shoe. wah laooo.. i really thanked God on the spot that we went shopping. if not i really dont know what to wear the next day. ahaha. i guess i know my cousin well enough. kakakaka *innocent smile*




this is what we did before sleeping...

* cia, me, andrew.. before he left for home *

* aint the teddy bear cute? hehe *

* getting ready to sleep? yeah right *

* dont we look happy?? *

* i love my table that is directly opposite my bed. great place to position my camera. hahaa *

on friday...
me and delz went for this one day job kinda thing. an event. in eastin hotel. it's under sirius. they were having a training for emmm.. hp something university. and i was wondering how come hp has a uni. ahaha. cheh. dont know why they called that also. sheesh. so anyways... delz had to came over to stay cuz we had to be in eastin at 7 the next day


ugh! seriously. dont understand why ppl are not punctual at all. we reached there. and no one was there at all. but the person who was in charge came around 7.03 or something. so it was ok ok la. maybe cuz we arrived there early. that's why we felt they took very long to come. somemore we thought we were late di u know. sheesh. rush for dont know what.


we did the registrations... and ushering. we had to usher ppl into the ballroom.. or usher out of the ballroom. whatever la. haha. so when lunch came.. when we approach them. we dont need to say anything. they practically could read our minds. cuz the only time we talk to the ppl is when we need them to go somewhere. so they like just nod and smile at us and give us this look that says.. i know i know.. the thing is starting. and we gotta go in. if i was them...seriously...i would wanna stay out there and far away from the ballroom as long as possible too. cuz im pretty sure the training was VERY VERY VERY VERY BORINGGGG!!! saying it's boring is an understatement. hahaa. and the ballroom was soooooooooo cooollllldddddd!!!!! *brrrr* *shivers* haahha.


we ate sooo much during the event man. there was like breakfast, tea break, lunch, and then tea break. so by the time we ate our lunch..... it's like blehsss.. we had nasi lemak and mee siam for breakfast. *slurps* wah laooo.. thinking bout it makes my mouth water man. haha. and we had tea and coffee for the whole day. of course i choose tea right. duhs. then the tea break we had sandwiches and chicken and the other break was all the kuihs la. didnt eat it. cant really remember. and the the lunch is the highlight of all highlights. i dont know whether there's such a thing. but seriously. *shakes head* it was superbbb!!!! me and delz decided to go later than the guys. cuz we were still full from the breakfast and tea break. actually only ate a piece of chicken for the tea break. but we were still full. so we let francis(oh yeah. he was there too) and another guy (praveen) to go for lunch first. cuz they need 2 ppl to stay and take care of the place.


thank God we decided to go later. cuz we needed to usher the ppl back into the ballroom only. then we dont have much to do. so we went for lunch with christine and her colleague(vivien)(dont know how to spell her name). we had buffet lunch. when we went there... our eyes popped out.. jaws dropped. and just stare at the food and the dessert. i would like to show u pictures of the dessert. but we had such a great time.. that we forgot to take picturessssss!!! can u believe it???!!! we were like saying.. kay kay.. must take picture of the desserts. but but but but.... we ate and ate and ate and talk and talk and talk and laugh and laugh and laugh... that we forgot all bout it!!!!! until we went back down for bout half an hour or something.. then delicia realized we didnt take pictures of it. sheeshhhh!!!!! so geramted!!! arghhhh!!!! how could we forget such an important task. ahaha


we practically ate bout how long? 1 hour plus 2 hours? somewhere there. cuz christine said we dont need to go down so fast. so we just took our own sweet time to eat and talk. hahaa. it was really nice la. so thank God we went later. haha. we had more time to enjoy our food. somemore not many ppl were there u know. so we could take as much as we want without being called greedy or a glutton and eat as long as we want. the food was soooooooooo good... thinking bout it makes me wanna go there and eat. but... on the other hand... im also thinking of the fats i would gain. i gain so much di la. depressed. haha.



on saturday.....
alex and li ann's BIG DAYYY!!! wooo hoooo. i was ushering on that day. so had to wake up super early again. i think i dont suit ushering. i cant take it. aw man. it passes so fast. it was like a dream. everyone looked so pretty and gorgeous. li ann look sooooooooo pretty. hehe. i guess all brides do huh. then after the ceremony... evelyn, yvonne, nelson, jon, edward, delz, me, and kevin went for bowling. ahha. it was seriously a funny and great time! ahhaa. i didnt want to play in the first place. cuz it's been a long time since i've played. but well well well. i manage to get a few strikes myself. one of it was just plain lucky. the last pin just fell by itself wei. hehe. but the rest i manage to do myself one okay?? hehe.


some pictures from the wedding and the dinner.. this post is getting too long. i think u guys might have fallen asleep di. ehhee. what to do. alot of updating to do and tons of pictures to put up. this 3 days really made me feel so exhausted. all the pimples are popping out cuz of it. been sleeping late, bathing late, drinking less water, eating too much, out the whole day, and waking up early.

* kevin & i *

* cia & i *

* us again.. after lunch *

* my sweetheart *

* emm.. what else should i say bout us? hehe *

* kai cheh & i *

* yian & i *

* during the dinner *

* cia, yian, me, joanne. i love the mirror! makes me miss my mirror in the condo *

* jess, mich, geraldine, me, cia *

sad post.

welll..... this post is gonna be a sad one.. compared to the lovey dovey one. this may or may not affect ppl who reads it. i've tried to stop myself from posting it here. but seriously. i cant keep it in my heart anymore. eventhough i shared it with kevin.... but i cant help it but write it out too.. but i thank God that kevin understands la. hehee.


so anywaysss..... emmmm... well... it started on emmm.. on friday night i think. sigh. my mum complained and she practically shouted asking me why why why must i leave so early on saturday morning. then i also said that i need to fetch ppl. and she gave me this disappointed look. i mean..... harlooooo.. im fetching ppl to church. isnt it like a good thing? at least im not fetching ppl to go clubbing or to do something sinful right. and the way she talked to me the whole night.... like..... sighhhh.. i dont know how to explain la. ugh! u gotta be me to understand it. u gotta be in my position to understand and feel the way i feel.

she gave me this look like i've done the greatest sin in the whole wide world. like i've been a useless child. sometimes when i dont behave the way she wants me to..... i mean like sometimes i like to play around... but she will say see la... dont know why i want to give birth to a daughter. like she say in cantonese... 'sang lui la sang lui la' like give birth to a daughter la... and it really hurts me when she says that.


am i not worthy of her love?
dont i deserve to be treated the same way?


when my brothers wants to get the car... they can drive anywhere they want. do anything they want with the car. and doesnt get anything. but when i say i wanna have the car.... i wanna fetch ppl... to.... churchhhhhh....... she complains and gives me this disappointed look. like im wasting the families money. like im doing everything wrong and nothing right. like whatever i do.....whatever i say..... will never be right in her eyes. sighhhhhhh. i dont know what to do di la. whatever di la.


somemore today in church we were talking quite well mar.. like besides her passing me the immuflora....... we were talking quite well. she even told me that she bought books from the ppl who came from doulos. cuz they came to share their testimonies. then she asked me what time ill be home.. so on so forth.


then i dont know why. when i came back... she never even talk to me. until the time when she was bout to leave the house. she suddenly barge into my room with my 2 skirts. and was like scolding me. asking me why i dont hang my skirts. she say it's so expensive. say that im not grateful for it and all. and i sat there wondering what did i do wrong again to make her angry. i didnt even talk to her once i come back. and she suddenly burst at me. sighssss... now im wondering.. what have i done wrong.


but i think cuz she's stressed with work and with everything. i guess that's why she's like that. but but but but...... aihhhhh.. dont know laa....


hmmmm.. i havent been complaining bout my mum for quite sometime huh. hehee. wing lian or joanne.... if ur reading this... please dont tell mummy. please keep any comments to urself. it was quite hard at first.. i was debating whether i wanna write it here. whether i wanna write out my true feelings. cuz u guys are gonna read it. but but but... im so used to writing my feelings here. i cant help it. sooooo... yeahhhh..

no title again. dont know what to put. ahaha

well well well... yet another post without a title... i dont know what to put la. too lazy to slowly think of a title. hahaa.. actually.. i should be preparing my lesson for my babies tmr. cuz im teaching for cradle roll.. i think this is like my 3rd time teaching. ugh! i feel so stressed when i teach....

cuz firstly... the parents themselves dont care whether the babies pay attention or not. and secondly.... im just too shy to teach.

so wellsss... i guess i gotta get out of my comfort zone huh. but at least i dont mind teaching la. im okay with it. but shy... still shy.. cuz the parents are like older than me. so who am i to teach the babies right. somemore i dont have a baby of my own. how to understand them. sheesh. dont know la..


soooooo.. i know i should be preparing my lesson now. cuz andrew will be here in a matter of minutes to do the montage for alex and li ann's wedding. and their wedding is really just around the corner. this coming saturday. i just realized how fast it was. in my mind i still think that there's tons of time. but...... when eng kok announced it today during yf... i was like SHOCKEDDDD!!! i cant believe that their wedding is this saturday. oh my goshhhh!!!!! so fast so fast. now im feeeling the pressure for the montage. aww mann.. crazy.


but but but.. i wanna post here.. wanna update u guys. actually... i wanted to update sooner.. but i was feeling something that was uncertain. until now. ill explain later in my post.


so remember i was saying that im gonna go kdu to ask bout the pre-u.. well... they gotta get back to me. they gotta send my results to UNSW to see whether i qualify to go in. and if i can go in..... im gonna start my classes soon. actually they started classes di. but the counselor... or whatever she is says that i can just join in. pick up from where they left off.. im happy la if i can get in. but a part of me is scared. scared of whether i can cope with the class. cuz they started di u know. so im scared that i wont be able to catch up. u know me..... im LAZYYYYYYY!!!!!! bahsss

so i really do hope i can qualify. cuz the counselor said that i need to do all level 11. but all my major subjects.... LA, maths, and science is all in level 11 mar. so i think it should be alright....... right??????? bahhhsss... i hope and really pray that i can get into it. seriously. homeschooling sucks. ugh! whatever. i cant do much now la. since im done with it. all i can do now is pray and ask God for His favor. sheesh. irritatingsss...









now..... time to explain my uncertainties... as mentioned just now...
the past few days i was kinda scared la. scared of this relationship that im in with kevin. seriously. after a failed relationship..... i kinda somehow am scared to really give someone my heart again. im seriously scared la. like i cant help but think what if.... just what if.... we dont work out. then ill be like back with a broken heart. and i dont want that. no no no way. kevin is like all i ever wanted. seriously my dream come true.

but now i can truly say that im no longer scared. seriously. this might sound abit naik-bulu-roma. did i say it correctly? ahhaa. this might sound abit too mushy mushy. too lovey dovey. but....

everytime i spend time with kevin.
everytime i look into his eyes.
the 'I-LOVE-U'S'
everytime im around him.....

i can feel the love.
i can feel that this is gonna last.
i can feel that God's hands is upon us.

i just cant believe it. i cant believe that whatever i've ever hoped and prayed for....came true. God really has answered my prayers. whatever i've prayed for in a guy... thru the years... i really see it in him.

he knows how to crack me up
knows how to make me smile
knows how to share my problems
knows how to say that he understands
knows that im not perfect & accepts me as i am

i can finally say that..... i've found a guy who accepts me as who i am. and not trying to change me. he loves me for me.


so for this... i really thank God for everything. thank God for bringing me such a great guy. thank God for saving the best for last. thank God for giving this me this heart to feel love =)

last time.. before this.. before i got out of my heartache. i kept praying that God would take away my heart. cuz i dont wanna feel anything. esp. pain.... but now.... hahahaha.. i thank God that He didnt really take my words seriously. cuz it would be such a shame if i cant feel love from kevin.... or worse.......... God.

so kevin..... if ur reading this. im sorry if i didnt tell u how i feel earlier.. before i post this thing.. i wanna tell u. but i cant contain my joy. i gotta tell the world how happy i am now that im with u! ehehe. ok ok.. now im sending shivers down my own spine. *shivers* suddenly my room so cold one? hahahahahaahaha.

college college college... thoughts thoughts thoughts

sighhh.. sometimes i wish that i dont have to decide on something. like i know what God has plan for me. then i just do whatever He asks me to do. since He knows all the things that is good for me. He knows me better than anyone else. so He should be able to decide for me. i really hate to decide on major things. cuz u know...... it's majorr.... duhhhhh!!! so it's a pretty big decision. like what if i choose something wrong. and then it turn out horrible. then it's all my fault. it's like a life long decision u know.




awww mann.. oh wells. i think im gonna do bachelor degree in education la. i wanted to do early childhood education. but that day i was talking to aunty see wei. she was like saying that it's not a good idea. to straight away study a main thing. she said should broaden ur studies. then later when u know what u want. then specialize on something. i think it's good la. kevin thinks im kiasu. i thought kiasu meant crazy. but kiasu means being safe.. so study everything. ahahha. i mean most probably i would wanna teach lil kids than older ppl. but we shall see in the future. maybe my thinking has changed or whatever.





im so happy. i prayed this morning during my QT that if God really wants me to do pre-u in kdu. He'll plan everything out for me la. like from my transcripts.... my transcripts right.. seriously they take really really long one. i graduated in june. last weekend only my teacher sent my stuff to the subang center to get my transcripts done. and normally it'll take them another few weeks to get my transcripts done. but today!!!!!!! miracle of all miraclesssssssssssssssssss... i called my teacher. and she said they sent my transcripts to the center todayyyy!!!! oh my goodnesss!!! i was so shocked! so tmr i can go and collect it and then it'll be in time for saturday. which is the open day..




so that is my next concern. i really do hope kdu would accept me. cuz seriously i loathe homeschooling. seriously. hate is an understatement. i loathe loathe it. all cuz i did homeschooling. it has made me hard to get into colleges. they say that msia would recognize homeschooling.. blablabla. i dont think so. i think spm is like the bestest of the bestest. but oh wells. i know God has and had a reason for putting me into homeschooling. no matter what... i shall thank God for putting me in that school. ehehe =) THANK U GOD! okay. moment of thankfulness is gone. just joking. ill forever be thankful to God. now i need u guys to pray for me. that i can get accepted. and pray that the pre-u hasnt start

but but but but but... im kinda at crossroads now. cuz justina was telling me that. if i take july intake or jan intake. it'll end at the same time. ill finish at the end of nov. but but but... if i dont enrol into something now. i seriously feel so useless. cuz i dont know where to find job. and if i enrol now. might as well enrol next jan right? since it'll end at the same time. but i think if i enrol now.... the course semester and all would be nicely spaced out... then it'll be more relaxed right. cuz if enrol in jan. means it'll cramp all that is needed to be studied together to finish at the end of nov. but if enrol now.. i think it'll be more spaced out. more time to study stuff right? right? right? right? awww mannnn!!!! howwwwwww????!!!!! im confused im confused im confused



sooo pls pls pls pls pls pray for me when i go and check out the open day this saturday. so that as i talk to the counselor.. ill be able to decide on something. or maybe should pray for wisdom for my mother. so that she can do the deciding. hahaa. but but but... i gotta learn to take resposibility. like kevin said.... im old enough to think and decide. i shouldnt let ppl decide for me. then i wont ever learn to decide for me. roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! did i say that i hate growing up??? hahha. why did i ever wanna grow up?

i remember when me, mich, just were younger. not that we're old now. we're still young. hehee. right? anyways.. i remember last time. we all wished we grew up faster. wished that we could drive. wished that we could have more freedom. have more chance to do the stuff that we wanna do. wanna be like the adults. dont wanna be treated like a small kid. and now when the time to grow up has come. when we have no choice whatsoever but to grow up....... im kinda thinking twice. like why in the world did i wanna grow up??????????????




i wanna remain a small kid. i wanna live a carefree life. free of decisions. free of choices. free of struggles. free of responsibilities. so can i can i can i? can i remain a small kid? hahaha. pls la esther. come on! wake up and smell the roses. but but but.. are u sure there are roses? hahah. i think it's more like a foul smell that makes me wanna run away. hahaa. aww mann.. im going crazy. crazy crazy crazy crazy. im even talking and scolding myself. sheesh. what is wrong with me? tsk tsk. *shakes head* okayyyyyyyyy... im scaring myself. i better stop here. haha. before i become insane. hehehe.




--------------------------------------- the end -----------------------------------------

tiring weekend

finally joseph and lay yan's wedding came and passed so fast.. seriously time passed so fast. and soon it's alex and li ann's wedding.

last night we had a bridal shower for li ann. and she said that her wedding is only in 12 days time. we were like so shocked! cuz oh my goodness.. it's so fast

this year... seriously... it has been a line of bridal showers. so all the questions that were needed to be asked.. were asked. any concerns bout the wedding night.... wedding day.. the future. has been answered in almost all the bridal showers. haaahah.

but at least u get to know the couple better. like how they got together and all. it's seriously very nice to listen to how ppl get together. and now they're getting married. i kept imagining myself next time. during my bridal shower. what ill be telling my close friends and all. hehe. how nice.

yesterday was really tiring. cuz woke up really early for church. then went straight to ginie's house.. cuz there was where we had the bridal shower. helped ginie cook the dinner for the night. it was seriously really nice to cook. manage to learn a few recipes. hmmmm.. i wonder when ill be able to do it myself. ahaha. maybe when i have my own kitchen and a husband to feed. hehe. but it was really nice la. being able to learn how to cook. and being able to cook. and also a great time of bonding. all the close friends together. talking and sharing. ehhee =)

anyway.. abit lazy to write di. can i just let the pictures do the talking? hahaha.

* michie & cia *

* lay yan (the beautiful bride), ching choo (awesome coordinator), cia (bridesmaid) *

* joanne.. bro's gf *

* cia and i *

* cia, li ann (soon-to-be-bride), elaine *

* cia, the soon-to-be married couple. in 11 days time =) *

* kevin & i (it's so hard getting him to take picture with me. sheesh) haha *

* posing & getting ready for what we're gonna do to her (the before) *

* that's what we do in a bridal shower. shower the bride. ahha *

* the after.. and amelia was looking in awe. haha *

finallyy!!! picssss!!!

* kai cheh's bridal shower =) *

* eating all the junk food. ahaha *

* geraldine's bday *

* me, evelyn, cia *

* cia & i *

* during my bday.. yummy swensons ice cream *

* the guys *

* the crazy guys * (must be the ice cream)

* the sane girls *

* ppl who gave me a crazy bday dinner and dessert. * =)

not much updates

i have nothing much to update u guys bout...

well.. mainly cuz i dont have much to do now a days. besides going out with kevin and going to church and all.. nothing much to do. seriously.

i know i know. i should really start searching and asking ppl bout colleges that has an early childhood education course near pj. so far i only know 2 colleges that has that course. one is SEGi lo. all the way in subang.. and methodist college... all the way in kl.


so how so how? no college that has that course in pj???? but seriously if u ask me to choose between subang and kl.. i would definitely choose subang. but but but but.... i dont wanna choose between that 2.. i want a college in pj. near my house. which i dont have to wake up early for classes.


what if this course is not for me? what if i cant take the kids? i seriously dont know how to handle kids. they would end up climbing over my head. maybe this job is not for me. im not so worried bout studying it. cuz it really sounds interesting la. since i love kids and all.. but whether i can cope with the kids. i dont really know how to handle them u know. if given a choice.... i would rather not handle them. just play with them. and the disciplining part can go to someone else.

but if i do that right... then next time how do i handle my kids? my very own kids? their future depends on me....and of course my husband too la. sighhhhhhh. now all that i worry bout is the college part. i know God will help me out with the studying and handling the kids. He will give me the strength and wisdom and courage and brave-ness that i need. but now is the college part.. i dont mind going to subang la. but it's the jam and the transport. arghhhhhh!!!! how laaaa..

help me help me help me!!! GODDDD!!!! i need Your wisdom!!!!!! hmmmm... i think i dont mind going all the way to subang la. since i dont mind going to church... i wont mind going to subang right? right? right? arghhhhh!!!

and i know i should be at least doing something now. cuz right now i feel pretty useless staying at home everyday. doing nothing. being online. finding for some game to occupy me. watching tv. i know some ppl would kill for my position right now. i think i would want this when i start my college next time. but right now. seriously... i feel like im wasting my time. i think everyone does too huh.

doulos here we come!!!!

weeeee!!!! i get to go doulos tmrrrr!!! with.. kevin... delzzz... and esther limmm..


i cant remember the last time i went. i think when i was really young or something. i cant even remember whether i even went. ahaha. so anyway... just hope tmr will be a fun time of bonding and fellowshipping in the ship. ehhee.


then we decided to cook for dinner. so we're cooking italian. spagetti with mushroom soup and garlic bread. hmmm.. wonder if it's too much. somemore delz want dessert. aww mannn.. awww mann.. too much food too much food. ahaha.


so yayyyy!!! got more pics to put uppP!!!! more pics to take!!!! weeeee!!! hahaha.




here a lil update bout my SEGi college search..

1. i found out that they have a branch in ss2. which was formally informatics or something. didnt know it was SEGi di
2. the course that i want is only in the summit branch
   

so yeahhh.. that's the saddest part of them all. cuz like i was really really happy that they have a branch in ss2. it's like nearer to my house than summit... but when i went and search bout the course that i want........ *faint* it's only in summit. sheeshhhh!!!! dont u think it's weird? ughhh!!! cant they have all the same courses in all the branches. come onnnn!!!!



im so majorly disappointed -.- sheesh. so gotta talk to my mum bout it. sigh. or maybe find for another college that has that course lo. oh wells. =)

so do anyone know other colleges besides SEGi that offers a pre-k course or early childhood development course? for montessori one. pls tell me if u doo. thanks =)

unbelievable..

i cant explain my feelings in words..

it's just unbelievable...






when i stare into his eyes...

it's unbelievable

when i hold his hands...

it's unbelievable

when i hug him...

it's unbelievable

when i say i love him...

it's unbelievable

when i hold him in my arms...

it's unbelievable

when i get to show that i love & sayang him without being discreet bout it...

it's unbelievable

when im close to him...

it's unbelievable

when i spend time with him...

it's unbelievable

when i want to spend the rest of my life with him...

it's unbelievable

when i pinch myself to see whether im dreaming and i realize im not...

it's unbelievable

when he tells me that he loves & sayang me...

it's unbelievable

when he holds me in his arms...

it's unbelievable

when he says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me...

it's unbelievable

when he drives around & teman me to do errands or when i teman him...

it's unbelievable

when he hugs me...

it's unbelievable

when he says he wanna spend time with me...

it's unbelievable






maybe those of u who is reading this..... may ask why isit so unbelievable.. just accept the fact la. i am accepting it each day.

i just cant believe it that my dream came true


every second,
every minute,
every hour spent together.
every look into each other's eyes.
every touch of our hands.
every smile, =)
every laughter that we share.
every talk.
every joke (eventhough it may be silly sometimes... but i love the way he makes me laugh)
everything.......


i cant believe that it's happening.


i thank God for all the blessings


i thank God for bringing him into my life


i thank God for everything that He has done for me

studies studies studies... can i not think bout it?

ughhhhh!!!! i seriously hate to think bout my studies



when i finally think that i might wanna do something. then someone will come and tell me how hard it is. and that i might not cope with it and all


recently.. i was talking to my mum that maybe i wanna do web designing or something la. cuz then can do freelance and all mar. then she was quite supportive. even during this evening. but when i came down for dinner then we all were talking bout my studies la. then my bro was saying that IT is really not that easy and all. then my mum was like yeahh.. i dont think u should study that too.. i think u should do montessori.



then they started la. saying since i love kids and all. i really do. but i dont know whether i have the patience to teach them anot. i've tried before in my school. and maybe cuz of that. i decided not to teach in montessori's. cuz seriously... i feel really stressed. ugh! how laaaa.. can die!


then in the end.. they said that aiyahhh.. just think what u really like to do lo. then go and study it. then they say. but i think u should do montessori. then started again la. montessori this montessori that. and it's quite bad cuz im the kind right.. when i dont feel right bout something. then someone promotes it and all. i would think that it's not so bad after all. and that's what im feeling now. ugh!



and the worst part is that......... finally when im happy to go to kdu. when finally i thought kdu is not-so-bad-a-place afterall.. they had to make me go and do montessori in some other college. ugh! *faint* but i guess it's quite bad that i accept kdu cuz of kevin. cuz he's going there.... that's why i suddenly see kdu shining and glowing. ahaha. if not i feel neutral bout kdu. ugh!


i dont know la.
i dont know whether montessori is right for me.
i dont know whether i have the patience.
whether i can cope with it.
whether i can teach the kids well.



but one thing good bout montessori is that....
i can have holidays.
and it's not really a FULL day job.
i get to see kids
but kids now a days right.... it's not as 'guai' as last time
it's like they get what they want.
their parents worships the ground they walk on
ok ok.. maybe not THAT exaggerating. but still........

sorry to those parents out there. hahaha

sighhhhh.. how how how???? dont wanna think bout it la.. whatever di la..

lalalalala.. *im not thinking* *im not thinking* weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. how nice =)

im too lazy to think of a title =)

hmmmm... my holidays has been quite good

i have an equal share of going out and staying at home. so im ok la


yesterday i followed kevin to register into kdu... and we took quite long there. we thought that half an hour would be enough. but nooooooo.. ms. daisy ong was like talking to almost everyone who passes by. hahaa. and even when we went to pay for the registration... the lady was taking really long too. so we thought we'll be late for our movie... we watched superman... so we quickly get out of kdu and rushed to 1u. and whoa! seriously. nobody watches movie so early in the morning man. i was wrong. haha.




and the funniest thing that happened during the movie was that almost nearing the end..... suddenly the screen turned black.. and the wall lights came on. so it was abit dark la. quite romantic i must say. ahahhaa. but then they said that there's some technical problem. so we had to wait for like 5-10 mins? i dont know. time passed quite fast. cuz im spending it with my dear. hahaa. anywayssss... that movie experience was like the first in my life. i've never experienced such a thing man. gosh! so super funny wei.




so then after that.. we went to get my ingredients for baking my choc chip cookies and lunch.. we ate brunch.. mcd's breakfast!!!!! yayyyyyY!!!!! he's so sweet la. send me here and there.. just to get my ingredients... awwwww..



then at night i went out with delz. i knew it i shouldnt have agreed to going to curve. should have said go to 1u. why didnt i say go to 1u??? it's like i really hate going to the curve. cuz there's nothing to buy...nothing to see..nothing to shop....nothing nice to walk around. but but but.... i dont know why i didnt change the shopping place. *faint* ugh! wasted our time. u know when u go shopping.... u wont even wanna look at the time... but last night right.. aww mannn.. the both of us like counting down like that..



so in the end we decided to go and eat something to make ourselves happier.. we wanted to go to baskin&robbins. but then we saw the thai express.. and they have this really nice dessert. it's like ice cream, water chesnut, and some emmm.. coconut water or something.. dont know what la. but it was really nice. and when we asked for the check cuz we wanted to go borders.... guess how much was it?????

rm 9.09!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u might think what's the big deal... but the bowl was seriously really small.. and the amount was like really lil.. so oh my goodnesss!!!! hahaha. i said really nice right? but it's not worth the amount we payed



oh my goodnesss.. both of our eyes almost like popped out mannnn.. we were soooo shocked.. so anyway.. off we went to borders.. then we manage to look at some really nice books. i really love karen kingsbury books. even though they are quite sad. but it's really really nice to read. seriously. but it was quite bad also cuz delz saw this bunch of series books that she wanted to get.. but all of it were like missing the first books of the series. oh my goodness. and when we finally found a full series...... we were scared that it's not nice to read.


so in the end delz managed to get 2 books only. all cause of the stupid dessert. that made me put on weight by the way. gosh! i've been eating so much man! arghhhh!!! i should continue back my pilates and my diet. it's all washed down the drain. if we didnt eat the dessert..... we would have managed to get her 3 books. but oh well... at least managed to get 2 right?


and the day didnt end that well tooo... delz got a minor accident. but still accidents are still accidents. no matter minor or major. ugh! i just hate accidents. seriously.





so today i woke up real early to start baking... and i thought i didnt have the mixer at my house. so i called my brother... yesss... sorry to wake u up so early. anyway.. and i asked whether he has the mixer there.. then he said yes. so i drove all the way there. still feeling abit sleepy. then when i reached there. guess what???? no mixer. so i had to drive all the way back. and search my house.



i dont get it. i dont learn from my mistakes. well... not all la. like this mistake. i knew it i should have checked my house first before i go anywhere or do anything.. but noooooo.. i didnt.. even the vanilla essence. i knew it i should buy it yesterday. but i kept telling myself surely ill have it at home cuz i baked before.. but u know what???? i baked like 2 years ago. ugh! so i had to go out and get the vanilla essence too.. ugh.


so i only manage to start baking at 11 something. i was so scared that i would burn the cookies or something cuz i dont really remember how to use my oven. i just simply use it only. and voila(however u spell it) the first batch of cookies and so on came out pretty well i must say!!! wooo hooo!!! yay me! hahaha.



then from then on. i baked and baked and baked and baked... till around 5-6 something. oh my goodness.. seriously tiring. when i was mixing the butter with the flour. i was wondering why i didnt bake for so long. and after an hour or 2 of baking... i finally found my answer... cuz it's seriously seriously really REALLY REALLY tiring. oh my goodness......... i cant believe it!!! i think right... ill take another few years to bake again. when i forget the reason why i dont bake. hahaa.



aiks.. i should have taken picture of my baking experience today. shucks! wasted la! guess i gotta wait till the next time i bake again. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh.



oh.. and i forgot to mention that.. one of the minor minor reasons why i suddenly bake. was cuz i have a maid to clean up after me. i seriously hate washing up one.. like i want to learn how to cook. but if i need to wash up. no thanks. ahah. so she helped alot also la. hehehe. and also to keep her busy. i pity her sometimes. sitting around the house with nothing to do.

missing u my justea sayangs!

this post is specially for my justea sayang! i miss her tonssss!!! cant wait till nov.... that's when she's coming backkk!!! woooo hoooo!!!! *jumps for joy!* let's celebrate her coming backkk!!! hahaha.

during claire's open house

christmas eve.. in summit hotel =)

during camp 2005 =)

in the car.. waiting for the church doors to be opened

what i've learnt during QT

hmmm.. i love what i learned during QT this morning. and it somehow relates abit to what pastor spoke bout yesterday.


well.. i liked the example that pastor gave yesterday....



like a large door... great life changing events can swing on small hinges.



and today my QT was like talking bout u dont need spectacular events to know that God is there. like even those ppl in the Old Testament days... we think that they always get to see God always get to hear from Him. i mean not everyone la. but some ppl like Abraham or Joseph...



God only like "showed up" in Abraham's life like once in 15 years. He had no Bible, no small-group fellowship, no super chun worship experiences... but he still had great faith in God.


and sometimes u think that ohhhh.. u must see great miracles, great wonders that God will do in ur life then only u know God is there. like sometimes if we hear from other ppl... like miracles from God that they could walk or when they give tithes then they get twice the amount back or something.. and such things dont happen to u. dont be discouraged. cuz God is still there in even ordinary places.


like.... His wonderful painting during sunset or sunrise.. the trees, the grass, the wind, the world, the plants, families, the cars that we drive, the clothes that we wear. even in those things God still shows that He's there and that He's still present in our lives.


and im very grateful la. that we dont have to look for miracles and God showing Himself everytime to know that He's there for us. even in simple things... or happenings.. we can see and know that He's forever there for us.